The day my mother died

I remember it like it was yesterday even though it was March 23, 1991 @ 2A.M. in the mourning. Can you believe it 18 years ago. Well it was a very difficult time in my life when her unexpected death took me by surprise. Please rewind time just a bit and come up to speed on what it was like 4 your boi.
I was in my 2ND year of college at Indiana University in Bloomington Indiana. I really did not want to be there but my moms insisted that I get out of South Bend and make something out of my life. I decided I would become an High school English or History teacher and coach on the side. It started out good, but Mom had a stroke and I had to leave school to help take care of her. I felt obligated not only because she had give me a fat off campus apartment and a spanking brand new ride to push around campus, but because I loved my Mom and I know she would have done the same for me.
After returning home, I remember thinking she would get better as she had done so many times in the past before. This time was different, she was paralyzed on her left side and could not talk. That was o.k. because she was strong on the right side of her body and would cold clock you in the eye if she needed to. She did manage to say a few words like Sinneee. But she used it to mean several things and we all soon caught on. I soon got a job at the post office as a casual worker on third shift. I would go in at 11pm and get off at 7:30am and come home and get her ready for rehab then I would go to sleep until she return at 11:30am. Then I would cook her lunch and we would sit on the porch or go to the park or just kick it at the cribb. We had fun. My nephew Nick was a baby but he would always come over to be with her too. I took a picture of them two sleeping and made a poster print. It was a good picture.
I learned so much about myself from my mother because she was a soldier. She did not get down about her new life style to often in public, but I caught her crying a few times and I would read the Bible to her and we would cheer right back up! She was the funniest person I ever met in my life and the most giving. She would give you the shirt off of MY BACK....lol! But then again she would cut you if you crossed her. What a combination.
Anyway as time went on she began to experience declining health and often had to go back to the hospital. On that faithful night I stayed with her at the hospital and it began to rain very very hard and she kept sitting up and looking at the door as if looking for someone? I kept giving her reassuarance that it was alright and she would lye back down and kept making sure I was there. She eventully held my hand and the machince began to blarr loudly and the staff ran in and ushered me out in the hall. She has past away and left me alone. My saddness was over whelming. I felt a sense of relievement that she was no longer in pain, but sorrow for myself because my friend, partner and mother was gone. I even recall trying to call her from work 2 months after her death. I never have felt so helpless in my life.
I studied the Bible in detail with Jehovah's Witness and found great comfort about seeing my Mother in the future, but I still miss her to this day. Today, I just thought about her again because I wanted her see that her son turned out alright. He did what she asked and just wanted to hear her say well done son, I love you.
I am Ward

What is a friend

Someone whom one trusts, knows and likes is one of the definitions that Dictionary.com gave for the meaning of the word friend. I looked that up because of two conversations I had this week with people I assumed were my friends. I still consider both of them my friends but with a clearer understanding.
Situation number one goes like this.....Lets call him Anthony! He stated that he can't tell me everything he deals with or thinks because I-nor anybody can handle his thoughts. I don't know if I was offended or just perturb'd because I trust Anthony with my thoughts on a variety of topics. So now I am thinking what kind of secrets does this dude keep. Did you kill Jimmy Hoffa, did he shoot the Pope back in the daze or worse....is he the shooter of both 2 Pac and Biggie Smalls???? I don't think its just that serious with Anthony, he just has trust issues. Perhaps he talks to his woman about deep issues, but still as friend I would like to know who I am dealing with. I think Jerry Springer said once during his closing " Its alright to have skeletons in your closet, but as a friend I have the right to look in the closet sometimes to make sure you are cool".
Story number 2...Lets just say John's woman thinks it is alright for a person to talk sideways to their supervisor!! I am a firm believer that respect is given and not always earned, but you should never mistreat someone who has a say in your future with your job. An old boss named Jim Van Dyke once told me that it is completely o.k. to treat staff nicer who make your job easier and those who make you life a living...you know what can get the boot. I understand that now, but John's woman thinks its just the way people are and supervisor have to accept insubordinate staff. I don't know about yall, but if I talk crazy 2 my boss, I can expect to be looking for a new job that same day. Funny thing is, I use to think a friend would know me and know that I live by he golden rule. So basically today's learning curve has taught me that a friend is someone-- whom one trusts, knows and likes. How you during?
Ward

Fake it until you Make it

As I drove to work the other day, I looked at all the tail lights in the pre dawn mourning and thought is life really about living or existing? I looked at the others drivers on the road and I saw a myriad of single riders and some drinking what was probably coffee (you never know now a days) and I saw a few lady's driving and putting on make up ((scary)) I made sure I got over two lanes from these women. Speaking of that, what does you make up look like when you're finished driving and half doing it....never mind it doesn't really matter.
N tee ole ways, I went to work and told my co-worker (therapist at times) about the last vacation I took and enjoyed. I had never really taken them because I just figured it was a waste of time and money, but now I find my self looking forward to the next one!! So while going through the motion of a job that could careless about the staff makes one ponder the future. Sometimes I just want to run my own business but timid about he unknown, will it be successful, will I want to put in the long hours, what happens if I succeed? Yeah it is crazy but somethings I think about. The job readiness workshop I teach has taught me a quite a bit about myself and the people I encounter. Lets just say that everybody has something to work on! Point: A man explained he doesn't like it when people at work are in his business asking how was his week-end or what is his super bowl plans? Just picture me rolling my eyes and shaking my head. All I can say is life is what you make it. And if you can't do what you want, then Fake it until you make it...
Today I am Ward...

Submissive to whom?

Yesterday, I had family at the house, so I scooted down to Uno's grill on the south syde and got 2 large deep dish pizza and created my famous Olive Garden salad. I think it went over well because all the food was pretty much gone and everyone was laughing and talking.
Well as the day went on, I began reflect about that Vivica Fox's movie called 3 can play that game. Something that stood out was step number 5 when she said the woman had to submit to the man and it is one of the hardest things for a woman to do??? I was blown away by that comment because I never considered it. I mean I am a guy so why should it matter-right? Wrong!!!
The scriptures say the man is head of the woman, but in a loving way of course. I know the women I have dated in the past were pretty head strong and I had to leave them in the past because of that! When I think of a good woman, I immediately think of those sisters in the Far East. They bow when they walk in the room, never yell at they man and respect is as important to them as air and water is to you and me!
Surprisingly they have a very very low divorce rate, hummm I can't figure out why??
Really submission is a sign of respect especially if you love the person you are submissive to and they make wise decisions. I honestly believe when a woman who is shown she is loved and told daily- that she would enjoy giving her all. But it takes a strong man to have patience for an American sister. You know the neck rolling, hand on the hip, index finger pointing, yelling at the top of her voice, scene causing, know it all who calls you ignorant! I am sorry I went there didn't I? I am o.k now so let me finish this blog. See ladies- men have to be submissive too! But to Jesus and he is perfect, of course, so that makes it easier for us. Nonetheless, we don't do nothing that is not asked of yall. My co-workers (women) were telling me today that men ask to much of them with the sexy clothing, hair being done, cooking, cleaning and so fourth, but what they get in return is not comparable or hardly worth it.I guess that is why they all are single-lol. I must ponder that thought for a minute, because I only know what Ward does- believe me I dooz a lot for mine-lol!
Referring back to men, we don't have to run our relationshipz- we just have to earn ur respect by making them good decisions, treating yall very well and ready to forgive errors frequently and then the rest is up to yall. Now the rest of you suckers out there, You know how we do. So will she be submissive or not? The better question is will you be a spiritual head for your woman to have deep respect for....
I be that Ward

Rick James & Take it back Tuesdays

Today I thought about Rick James. I know it sounds weird but I heard Tina Marie singing on the radio and I remembered that Rick is the reason that she was and still is. I don't think he was a model citizen by far, but what I do think was cool about him was the fact that he made it. You know what I mean.
I mean that dude was dropping hits back in the day like the mafia. Shoot every body knows Super Freak and Busting Out. I also like his honesty. He was joking on the Chapelle show before he passed away about Cocaine being a helluva drug. I actually think he regretted that time of his life.
In many ways I am glad that I am broke enough that I don't get bored with life and have to find ways to entertain myself. Shoot my goal daily is to get to work on time. Yeah I am a self proclaimed nerd, but these are my shoes-lol!
Rick James ain't the only well known person that has passed that I wonder about, but again, he just was a special person that I would have enjoyed talking to for a while.
Ward is bustN out.....

Advice for yung step Dad's

O.k. Real Talk on this one yall. My nephew who is in the pic above in the middle gave me permission to break down this situation (sorta, but its too late now anyway-lol). See my nephew is a good dude, well mannered,keeps his hair tight and respectful to other people. In fact he was very instrumental in helping me make a major move in the freezing kold.
His situation is this, he met this girl who was six months pregnant back in the day. This is not necessiarly a bad thing if you can handle being step dad at 19 and it ain't even your baby!!! I assume that the common thing to hope for that you complete school and get your self straight and then settle down with your soul mate-right? Well my nephew must have develop strong feelings for this woman cause he still with her. I met her a few times and she seems pretty cool even though she is quiet around me, I think she really likes my nephew. Then again, she may just want a baby daddy-lol! My concern is how does a young man struggling to find his own identity in life take on this type of responsibility when he has never lived on his own, traveled by him self or had any real bills. Is he being fair to himself or her?
Then comes that whole disciplining the child that aint yours- that you baby sit for and buy items for. Trust me the real baby daddy is gonna wreck havoc in nephew's life for many a year to come, or worse he may totally slack in his parental duties because he got a fill in!
My advice for you nephew is this....Think hard about what you want for the future, map out what steps you have to take to achieve your goals and don't worry about anybody else and just dew you. Shoot Usher did his thing- didn't he? I wish you the best but keep in mind that you got one shot at life, so make the best of it.
I aint yo daddy Wardacious.....

Women

I really enjoy talking to my female friends but today two particualar ladies gave me some insight that I just found interesting. I won't say I don't believe what they said, its just that I was like hummmmm. Peep this, one young lady said she was at the bar having some dranks with her hommies when this dude rolled up on her and started talking to her butt! Saying things like "Hi, how are you doing" and when ole gurl turned around he was like your face is nice looking too???
Now was this a pick up line or was he just trying something new because he found what he liked. The young lady in question said she was offended by this behaviour. So I began to think how hard it is for us men to try to holla at women in the first place due to the pretty much assured rejection factor. I asked her what line would she use to meet a guy she liked and she wasn't sure what to say. I asked the other gal with her and she stated that it depends on the situation. I call that code for "I dont know"- lol!
When it comes down to it, the bar or club or jazz lounge is just a meat market waiting for people to hook up. Should the men be more respectful...perhaps or should the women be more open to men's weak attemps at getting your attention. I guess this is the age of question. What about that fat thing (see pic above), women want us to love them no matter what, short hair out of the blue, sudden weight gain of 100+ lbs or just being mean. Is that fair??? I think it just makes up for the kraziness you all put us through out the chase of the relationship.

I know there are plenty of womderful women out there as well as good men. But how is it that all the negative one find the good one's first. I even heard about cyber stalkers in chat forums. Fellas, if a woman does not respond to your messages, stop with the IM's and constantly reviewing her profile....it ain't her...it you bro!

I will say this for persistence....I have seen many an odd couple because one person did not give up until they got thier prize. Look at Seal, flavor flav and whoopie goldberg. You do the math......
I am ward.....

2 spank yo kids or get a beat down from them when they are older....

Talking with some co-workers can teach one things about ourselves that we may have over looked. At least that is how it works for me. The discussion on disciple and children came up. One lady (Tomorrow) said that she has never hit her kids, rather she gives that special look with an occasional pinch to the forearm and has found that quite successful. One other brother stated that he puts his foot off in that butt so far that his kids wears his shoe as a hat? My views are that of the Bible, of course, spare the rod-spoil the child. Don't get me twisted, I give them warning before I go all commando, but they expect and appreciate my discipline.

I just feel that you have to set boundaries and even include the kids in this process. I ask my kids what do they think goods kids should do and how should they be rewarded, as well as, what do bad kids do and what should be their punishment? When I get their buy in to this, it really makes Parenting quite easy. When my kids are bad they pay the price and when they are good, I love them equally hard. I understand that some parents go to extremes when disciplining- probably because of how their parents beat the heck out of them. Then they say I am never going to whoop my kids when I grow up. I am sure I do not need to say how well that usually turns out.

Really, kids are a joy and a curse, but our parenting skills will determine pretty much how our kids turn out to be in the future. Some end up pregnant, in jail, gay or will rounded. You basically get out what you put into the child. I must say I enjoy reading the Bible with my kids, hearing their views, playing games with them, going to the zoo, the library, field service, work and sporting events. The things I am doing with my girls will have to be done by their husbandz 2, because I am raising leaders and not followers. In the pic above they are with a favorite cousin (Justin) and the other pic, just playN with Papi!

I know to each is his own, but remember, you only get one chance to raise your kids, so take your time and make sure of your decisions. I know I am ......

I be that parent called Ward....

Just pensive on this day

Last night I found it difficult to sleep. I tossed and turned and woke up and starred at the ceiling and then dosed back off again. I get like this when I have many things on my mind. A few of my friends are having issues in life and I feel helpless because I want to help them so bad. You know that feeling you get when a loved one dies and you just can't do anything about it but cry.....that is how eye feel now.
For example, one friend lost another friend to an unfortunate death, one friend is being harassed at work by her unprofessional boss and my best friend has a tire issue that I can help with but can not get to due to the weather. How sweet it would be rich sometimes. I would fly everyone to Paris and we just start a new life. Actually I got that ideal from the new Leonardo DeCapri's movie called Revolutionary Road. It is coming to theaters later this month, but I got my copy 3 weeks ago, make sure yall check that flick out!
Anyway, work is a bit of a headache lately for me 2. I taught a job readiness class Tuesday and the students were so not with it. I was frustrated because I wanted them to be more successful than they wanted to. I assume my human side says that if you can not sit down and tell me who you are and not use profanity every other word then how the helicopter can you honestly think some body would actually hire you. Of course they did more than that, I felt like I was the 5th American Idol judge! I think I will just try to adjust my teaching style and try to be more effective.
Finally, I dreamed that I had the chance to do my life over. To make this long-short, I realized that the people I know are the way they are because of what they went through. The past is full of the choices made in the past. So I would not change my current situation, rather I would make better choices from today 4ward....

I be that Wardlicious dude....

The richest cheap dude

My blog mentor mentioned that we are in a recession! I must agree that is pretty much common knowledge for most people and if you didn't know, now you do! Personally, I have been pretty much a frugal person most of my adult life. Back in the days my close friends would laugh at me for shopping at second hand stores for furniture and clothing. I didn't care because I made it dew what I needed it do. Understand that just because I would buy some things used, doesn't mean I had to get inferior products. I still purchased polo, guess, Nike etc, I just realized that more affluent donors would wear or use things once and discard them. Along comes the Ward to scoop it up and use it twice.
The reason I say this is because, I realize that it is hard for people, even in a recession, to cut their life styles back to keep on moving 4ward. Some people would rather buy one new Gucci shirt rather than 4 used out fits because of pride. I mean who really knows if your clothes are new or not. Besides if they checking for you that hard, they must have no life either. My father in law just lost his job and he was caught totally of guard, but he is not giving up. But even he has said that by changing his life style has lead to an appreciation for the simpler things in life.
It is really ironic that for so long America has had it good, now our auto makers are in trouble, homes are foreclosing and jobs are leaving faster than a snow ball in the hot sun! I guess if it came down to it, I would live in the back of my van and keep a smile on my face. I am sure I don't need to say that I would move to a much warmer climate-lol!
Oh well, yall hang in there and remember to donate to the cause....Cause we broke suckers....

Eye am WaRd....

2 smoke or not too smoke

O.k. let me first say that I think that those people who beg for money off of the free way are all unionized! I mean the same people are there at the same times and they never have more than one person at a time. I am sure they make good money otherwise why would they stand out there in the rain, cold or snow???? My point of even bring them up was this last guy I saw out there had a new hustle going. He had an I V drip standing by him as he begged for money. He obviously forgot to plug it N2 his arm, but the look was working for him. One small problem. He had a cigarette in his mouth. How could he afford 2 smoke and beg for money at the same time???? Not well thought out Mr. Homeless man.
This then lead my thoughts to ask, "why do people smoke in the first dog gone place"?
In one of my classes that I teach, I bring in a lung specialist and she shows actual human lungs and what they look like after smoking. Yuck! Its just sad the things we have to do for our personal satisfaction. I understand that we all have weaknesses, but I hope we can all grow and learn from our greater mistakes.
For me the question is not 2 smoke or not too smoke, rather to live longer and die sooner?

I am not smoking Ward.....

busy-ness of lyfe

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Hey did ya miss me? I had a wild past few weeks. I accomplished quite a bit of thangs while on vacation. I purchased a new home and I am loving it. I must admit a lot people want to move in with me, but I think I might just be better off with the girls I got! I hurt my neck and hesitantly ended up at the hospital only to find out that I had pinched nerve, but after some strong medz your boi is proud to say that I am survivor.

This is what I realized whilst I was near death. I gathered that when you are in pain, you don't want to be bothered with stupid questions from telemarketers or your kids really needing to know where do ducks go at night?
It just don't seem that important at that time. I also realized that you have to wait a long time in the hospital a long time for help. I mean what are those people doing when a man is dying in here? I saw people laughing and talking while I could not move, I think that made me want to get better and while was it so darn cold in the hospital. I am scared to see the freaking bill!!!

I think now that I am better I am going to be loving to my friends and family and extended family. I am not going take stuff for granite any more. In fact I am gonna call everybody I know and offer them $100 bucks.


I am Better ward.....