Do I want to be like my father?

I recall growing up in South Bend Indiana thinking how much I hate all that snow that surely came each and every winter! Of course I lived with my mother and father and some girl.....lets just call her my sister. We had modest dwelling in a pretty nice neighbor hood. It was a scary time but it was also a learning time. We were the only black family in my hood and the only black kids at the school we attended. I recall having our family cars covered in eggs and those special "N" words being yelled at me on the daily. I can't tell you how trying of a time this was for an impressionable young black person in America.
The reason I titled this one what I did is because I think of how things are now and I have to chuckle to myself because so much has changed and so many of us have forgotten where we came from. My father and I are at complete opposite endz of the spectrum of life from my perspective. My father is one of those old skool men who thought being a good Dad meant working all day and two jobs if need be to provide for your family. It meant never playing ball with me, it meant never saying I am sorry and it meant never sitting down and listen to me read a book! I ain't mad at him cause he didn't really have his Dad in his life so he did the best he thought he could with what he had to work with. Myself on the other hand, having two daughters, always makes time to go over home work with my kids, attend events that my kids do, throw the Frisbee and basketball and bike riding on the regular. I know how important spending time with your kids are. I feel if a kid has the choice of choosing between having money or the time and attention of a broke parent: I am sure they will take the parents 100% of the time. Why you ask? First, because the kids did not ask to be born and kids look to parents as our role models. Little girls wear mama's shoes and purse in imitation of her and little boys try to be the man of the house when Dad is away.
I don't blame my Dad for the past because I see situations as learning and never failure ventures. I learned that in order to have my kids want to be around me and respect me requires that I learn to be the best parent I can be and when I fall short, admit my mistakes and keep it moving. So no I don't want to be like my father I want to be my own man who has no regrets of the past and high hopes of the future. I never wanted to be a father, but now that I am, I understand relationship issues better. I don't want my kids having male abandonment issues-lol.
If I could talk to other fathers, I would really stress the importance of having balance your life. If you have kids, you can't be all wrapped up in your job, or spouse or work. You gotta give every one a piece of you, but the family has to come first. Some of us never get this point. I have many friends who don't spend time with their kids at all, not because they don't love them, but they can't get along with their baby mama's. Men will choose to just walk away from their seeds than deal with the negativity of a woman scorn. Doesn't make it right, but it does make it a reason.
As for my Dad and I today, we talk occasionally but we are by no means close. If he needs my help I would be there, but I won't go out my way to go on vacations with him, or call him daily to say Hi and how are you doing? Its just to late for us now. He has another wife and they are happy- just like me- living life as if we are distant associates. Sure I wish I had a father I could go to the driving range, fix the car with or watch the basketball game, but that ain't my reality. Only thing left for me to do now is that best I can for my kids. I admire those momz who was both mom and dad. I feelz ya.

Ward.....