My dude asked me about marrying his live in girlfriend of 8 years. He said he thinks it is the right thing to do for his son they have together. He also indicated that he feels pressure from his family to do the right thing. I can truly understand his thinking in this matter to a point, but then reality kicks in somewhere around "are you crazy and you will regret this move streets".
Let me put some points in perspective here. The woman he is considering marrying for is kid, thinks of him as the Devil (her own words-no kidding), says he is a bad parent, thinks he ignores her, doesn't love her and says she has to accompany him anywhere he goes outside of work because she doesn't trust him. She said its a great possibility that he may cheat at work so she asks him to call her on every break and as soon as he gets off work to talk to her until he walks thru the door of their home. Dude can't even play basketball with the fellas no more because other women may be at the court. Did I mention this woman takes jealousy to another level?
I thought about the situation and then spoke to my dude at length. I tried to explain that this woman of his trying to control him. Its unfair and very unhealthy. He doesn't seem to get it, so i told him that I think in some sick twisted way he likes the attention. I told him, if the word marriage can even come out of his mouth when referring to her.....well you know what eye am saying. I think my dude feels that if he marries this chick things will get better betwix them. Huh?? Somebody done told him wrong. Marriage is just a piece of paper and the commitment is in your heart. He said he don't love her and most the time don't even like her due to her actions. I asked him if I could speak with her and him together and they agreed. We talked about 3 hours and the final results were clear. She is crazy and he is too.
They sat there and aruged about things that happened 8 years ago, and both were not giving in. I asked them to role play and be the other person. It seems that one wants to be reassured that she is loved and the other wants to be left alone and question free for while. Neither of the two show signs of love, warmth or compromise. I suggested that they get professional counseling but they both don't think they need that (of course). I then suggested that when HE comes home, that she allow him time to relax with a cool beverage and then tell him when he is ready, perhaps they can share each others day. I suggested when he gets home, to hug or kiss her and tell her loves her and looking forward to talking with her after he unwinds for a few. Its just a start. They both said that won't work either.
I then suggested that they immediately get married then. He nor She is willing to change or leave each other. So just go for it then, at least this way the divorce will be a step closer and I can finally get some rest. I honestly feel sorry for this very real couple because they don't seem to see how serious relationships are and have no clue to repair the damage that is being done. I think I learned somethings that I need improve on my dang self-lol! Shoot I know we all got things to work on but dang, this couple is scaring ya boi! Ya stay tuned on this one....
I am Ward.....
1 comment:
What I've learned is people are going to do what they want to do... You can give them all the good advice, statics and such and still they want to drive off the cliff despite the sign that says DEAD END...
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