Wednesday, March 30, 2011
I think some tatz go to far?
I am a firm believer in freedom of expressions but don't these people have to get jobs? Then again, would you frequent the place that these works in progress actually work at-lol!
I am Ward....
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Sometimes a man has got to fall hard before he learns to enjoy standing tall.....
My dude asked me about marrying his live in girlfriend of 8 years. He said he thinks it is the right thing to do for his son they have together. He also indicated that he feels pressure from his family to do the right thing. I can truly understand his thinking in this matter to a point, but then reality kicks in somewhere around "are you crazy and you will regret this move streets".
Let me put some points in perspective here. The woman he is considering marrying for is kid, thinks of him as the Devil (her own words-no kidding), says he is a bad parent, thinks he ignores her, doesn't love her and says she has to accompany him anywhere he goes outside of work because she doesn't trust him. She said its a great possibility that he may cheat at work so she asks him to call her on every break and as soon as he gets off work to talk to her until he walks thru the door of their home. Dude can't even play basketball with the fellas no more because other women may be at the court. Did I mention this woman takes jealousy to another level?
I thought about the situation and then spoke to my dude at length. I tried to explain that this woman of his trying to control him. Its unfair and very unhealthy. He doesn't seem to get it, so i told him that I think in some sick twisted way he likes the attention. I told him, if the word marriage can even come out of his mouth when referring to her.....well you know what eye am saying. I think my dude feels that if he marries this chick things will get better betwix them. Huh?? Somebody done told him wrong. Marriage is just a piece of paper and the commitment is in your heart. He said he don't love her and most the time don't even like her due to her actions. I asked him if I could speak with her and him together and they agreed. We talked about 3 hours and the final results were clear. She is crazy and he is too.
They sat there and aruged about things that happened 8 years ago, and both were not giving in. I asked them to role play and be the other person. It seems that one wants to be reassured that she is loved and the other wants to be left alone and question free for while. Neither of the two show signs of love, warmth or compromise. I suggested that they get professional counseling but they both don't think they need that (of course). I then suggested that when HE comes home, that she allow him time to relax with a cool beverage and then tell him when he is ready, perhaps they can share each others day. I suggested when he gets home, to hug or kiss her and tell her loves her and looking forward to talking with her after he unwinds for a few. Its just a start. They both said that won't work either.
I then suggested that they immediately get married then. He nor She is willing to change or leave each other. So just go for it then, at least this way the divorce will be a step closer and I can finally get some rest. I honestly feel sorry for this very real couple because they don't seem to see how serious relationships are and have no clue to repair the damage that is being done. I think I learned somethings that I need improve on my dang self-lol! Shoot I know we all got things to work on but dang, this couple is scaring ya boi! Ya stay tuned on this one....
I am Ward.....
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Embracing her role as Queen....
Yesterday I participated in a work shop readiness program at the YMCA (where I work) and noticed that the speaker looked quite familiar. I then made the connection that we had worked 2geather at other training centers. We began to talk about the usual topics of who we both knew in common and the direction of the trainings and what my role would be. As we continued conversing, she mentioned she is on a board focusing on family and relationships. I immediately became interested and asked what did I have to join. She gave me the contact data and then began to elaborate on the things that has enhanced her own marriage of 14 years!
I was quite refreshing to hear her say how her husband became intimidated with her earning more $$$ than her and how her attitude fluctuated with her sudden windfall. She mentioned that she lived with separate bank accounts and how that was no good. The communication became about my money vs. your money. The husband got to the point that he started doing fewer activities with her whenever she requested him. She didn't understand this action but it later became clear that his actions was a direct reaction to her autonomy!
My co-worker went on to explain that once she started searching for God in her relationship, that she realized her role in the relationship. She said that she found it refreshing to hear her the "woman" was designed to be a compliment of the man and how important her position was to the family arrangement. Her face lite up with excitement as she said she has learned to "embrace her role as Queen"! I must admit I felt her energy too (or was it the drink she wasted on my leg?). She stated that knowing how God holds the man responsible for the direction of the family and its needs. Armed with this data, she realized that she was giving her positive energy to her job and less to her best human friend/her husband. Once she started making her King feel like her was the most important person in the world to her, her reciprocated and she never felt that much love in her life. She said he is far from perfect but they are in this thing forever!
It is more to this story, but it was a feel good situation for me because I love it when I see happy couples that are really happy couples! I am not referring to the couples that put up the front for the public, but the real deal. I know personally, I been through waaaay to much in my short life to later find that you don't marry the person you can live with-rather the person you can't live with out-lol! So when I see others who are trying, then I get a little excited to! All I would like to add to this story is this. "A woman is Man's compliment and by God's wisdom he knows what works." If done accordingly to what "he" says, I assure you only good things will result. Likewise, not having a 3 fold cord with him will......well you smart enough to read this, so you are smart enough to know what the impending results will be other wise.
Finally wardy says the real act of marriage takes place in the heart, not in the ballroom or Kingdom Hall or synagogue. It's a choice you make, not just on your wedding day, but over and over again, and that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife." I am a work in progess......
I am wARd......
Friday, March 18, 2011
Fellas-"There is a Jealous girl in our Town".......
Anyone who has ever been in a serious relationship has probably felt the green-eyed monster creep into his or her thoughts at one time or another. Ah, jealousy
It can cause insecurity, detachment, and, often, just plain immaturity. No one wants to admit that they are a jealous person, and, admittedly, some people are better at curbing their jealousy than others. But, as much as we try to fight against it, sometime you just can’t help but feel it. What’s worse is that jealousy can often make you act out against your partner even if your partner is innocent and has no idea why you are angry or, worse yet, it can foster your own low self-esteem.
Whatever the reason, whether valid or not, jealousy can be a huge factor in disconnection between couples. Sometimes it is flattering when a relationship partner gets a little jealous, but a boost to the ego is a far cry from the fights and resentment that can come from real, hidden jealousy. This sort of jealousy is never a good thing for a relationship and communicating your own jealousy to your partner without sounding irrational can be tricky. The question remains: How can you learn to recognize jealousy and deal with it without jeopardizing your relationship? The simple answer is to know yourself and just stop it sucka!
Still,the closer you become with your partner, the more you have to lose by breaking up. If you are not aware of your own qualities or not confident in your own attractiveness as a relationship partner, insecurities can develop. If your insecurities are not addressed with your partner, they only fester and grow. It is true that there is a small percentage of jealousy that comes from a valid feeling, but, most of the time, jealousy comes from personal insecurities that have grown because of lack of communication, trust or you just wanting to be starting something like Micheal Jackson tried to told ya.
If your own insecurity or low self-image makes you think badly of yourself, you often begin to wonder what your significant other sees in you. You will start to question why your partner would want to stay with you and fear that he or she will inevitably meet someone “better”. The fear that your partner will wake up one day and realize there is someone better out there can lead to suspicion on your part.
When suspicious thoughts begin to enter the mind of an insecure person the green-eyed monster will begin to rear his ugly head. You may find yourself questioning your partner’s actions or becoming too needy of your partner’s time and attention. If you don’t discuss your insecurities with your partner, questions may begin to fill your head. Why does he always come home later on Tuesday nights…who is he seeing? Why does she always talk so much about that new co-worker…does she like him? What if someone tries to buy your love with money?
Because these questions and the motives behind them (your own insecurities) are not brought to the forefront, you may start to see problems that aren’t really there. If suppressed long enough, often a jealous person will “flip out” when, in reality, their partner has done nothing wrong. A friendly conversation can look like flirting or a hug may seem to go on a little too long even though it is innocent. And, unfairly to your partner, you will overreact in anger or heavy emotion.
I could go on and on to the break of dawn but after all we are all works in progress and some more than others. Its just black and white and sometimes wrong vs. right....
I am Ward.....
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Wardy gonna tell you how to love a real woman.....
Far too often, black men don’t appreciate the things are black queens do for us. From when we’re 16 and she does our homework so we won’t fail a class, to when we’re 36 and she pays our child support so we won’t go to prison, we just never stop to say THANK YOU. Even when we do, thank you is not enough, we have to show them we love them. So here are 10 simple ways you can show your black women you really love her.
10. FART ON HER. There’s no way to make your boo smile then to let out a nice one out of nowhere. If you’re chilling in the bed, roll over and fart in her face. Suddenly mute the tv and just let one rip. Be interactive, ask her to push your stomach down….and then let out some gas. She’ll say you’re disgusting and nasty, but she’ll smile…then yall can start kissing and stuff.
9. Always answer her calls. You know women get kind of crazy when you don’t answer their phone calls. They front like they are worried and all that, so MAKE SURE YOU ANSWER THOSE CALLS. Even answer when you’re with your other women. Let her know that even though you’re cheating, she comes first. Make sure the other girl is quiet though or that could cause a problem.
8. Never Clean Up. What? Yup. Never clean up a damn thing. This will allow your woman to know that you love the way she cleans so much, that you only want her to do it.
7. Keep Her Fit. If your woman is overweight, carry her on your back then suddenly fall. That way she’ll know she needs to cut back on the fast food without you ever saying anything.
6. Save Money. Explain to your woman that eating off the dollar menu will help save money for the future. You would take her dancing, but why waste money when you have a stereo in the living room. Forget the movies, you can wait until the bootleg comes out.
5. Keep Her Around. Show your woman how much you don’t want her to leave by driving her car around until the tank is on E. That way she has to stay with you.
4. Call On Me. Erase all of the contacts out of her phone then tell her you’re the only one she can really call on unless you are Angie Powell-lol!
3. Tissue. It’s not fair that you make your woman waste all of that tissue wiping the tears that you caused. So make it a little easier on her, show up at her house with a Sam’s Club value size package of tissue, then tell her about that affair you’ve been having.
2. Teach Her To Compete. Ask your woman what activities she’d like to do, then take her out to do them. Then BEAT HER a*s AT THEM, NO MERCY. If she likes to bowl, roll all strikes. If she wants to play pool, win every game. If she wants to play Wii, act like the tennis is real and go hard. Show her that the only loser in this relationship is her!!!
1. Spoil Her. Did your woman comment on those nice heels at the mall? Did she like that dress at Macy’s? Next time you see her credit card sitting around, go pick her up something nice. Let her know that’s important that she rewards herself. Get yourself something to wear next time she takes you out as well.
I am Ward....
Mista offfice-sirrrrr......
If I was a betting man, I would bet that every (real) black man in America has been stopped, harassed or messed with the police. Ya know officer friendly, the people in the dark blue that is suppose to serve and protect the public. The ironic thing about it is when polled most black people don't feel safe knowing a cop is around, while white citizens feel extra safe. But why is that?
I can tell you from my perspective based on my last two stops in the last month. Stop number 1. I had just purchased a Geo Prizm and was driving home from the BMV. The thing about it now is if you purchase a specialty license plate, you have to receive it in the mail in about 7-10 days. I had a paper plate but I didn't have a screw driver to put the paper plate over my transfer plate from another car I had. I just figured I would go home and get it done!
Well guess who stopped me? Yelp, good old officer Friendly! He followed me for about a mile and "BOOM" on come the blue and red lights. He walks up to me and started yelling who's car is this!! I calmly handed him my regristration and license. He kept ranting that the plate is not coming up on his computer. I said its a plate I took off my van I just sold and bought this one. He said to keep my hands at ten and two until he gets back. I said yes sir and looked straight ahead until her returned. Yes I had my hands where he demanded. He came back and realized that this black man was actually telling the truth. He still went on to inform me that he could arrest me, impound my car and make my life miserable for having him go thru all that work of him having to pick me out of the crowd to stop me. I agreed and apologized for the wrong I caused the city if Indianapolis. He then relaxed and told to me have a good day and be safe because it was a lot of crazy people on the streets. In my mind I was in complete harmony with tha sucka cuz he was not only a crazy person member, he was the freaking president!
stop number 2.
I went to the Airport to Pick up Kim. Her flight was delayed by an hour and you know you can't just sit there and wait. You gotta circle around like a vulture until you see your patron. Well, I eventually got tired of this activity and pulled over outside the airport. I could see the pick up site and I just waited there with my hazzards on. Well the vice president of the crazy cop club speeds up behind me and turns on the lights and walks up on me slowly. Now you know I keeps my windows extra dark (because that's how I roll sucka)so I let the windows down before he got there. Super Cop asks me in a sarcastic voice "Is your vehicle broke down" with a big kool-aid grin? I said no as I had my hands at 10 and 2! He then points the no parking sign and says "you parked right in front of the sign can't you read?" I just handed him my license and registration. He went back to the squad car and sat there for a few and came back and told me how he could write me a $55 ticket and add points to my license. I again, apologized for breaking the law. I mean, think about it- I was the cause of people buying illegal drugs, women getting raped, couples fighting and the earth quake in Japan. That was all me, so I know I was wrong. But again, because I played the dumb slave and allowed yet another cop to feel like he did his job.
My point is this. I know some great officers of he law, but as a black male, I know all too well the other side of the power that they have. I don't like it, but I accept it. I don't want to fight this system, or give it to much thought, I want a higher power to do what needs to be done fairly and when the time is right. In the end, that is all we can do. It aint worth my time to get bent out of shape over things I can't change. So I just learned to always do the right thing and answer with yes or no and be as humble as I can. I try to express this to my nephew who sometimes get stopped by the cops, but he said he just gets "smart mouth" when he gets pulled over for being black. I can't understand arguing with a cop because the cop always win, he has a gun, cuffs and has already called 9 other cops to back him up. Besides the back up cops are already mad from leaving the doughnut shop early-lol! Still I gotta be humble and respect the position even if eye don't like the actions of the officers! So far, so good......
I am Ward.....and jail free!
Sunday, March 13, 2011
What is a friend?
Whodini said:
And if you ask me, you know, I couldn't be much help
Because A friend is somebody you judge for yourself
Some are ok, and they treat you real cool
But some mistake kindness for being a fool
We like to be with some, because they're funny
Others come around when they need some money
Some you grew up with, around the way
And you're still real close too this very day.....
I guess everyone has a unique perspective on what a Friend really is based on their on experiences and all may be correct! Personally I don't have many friends, I tend to have more acquaintances due to friend expectations that I can't ever begin to live up to-lol! It seems "passe" to expect a friend to do for you that you would do for them. Example, say you go over in the middle of the night and ask you homeboy for a place to stay because your furnace went out and he says cool, come on in family! But then next week your home boy comes to you and ask to borrow your new but slightly used car so he can make a job interview and you just don't want to because last time he wrecked your whip! Does that mean you are not his friend? Perhaps in his mind-lol! Perhaps you could offer to drive or brain storm. Humm I ponder??
I look at it like diss, Friends are special people. If you are a friend, it means you were chosen. You are not in someone's life by happenstance, or by accident of birth. You're in someone's life because he or she wants you there. So we gotta learn to love they good points and accept that less than pretty sides of being a work in progress! Sure we may get mad at them and take a break but in the end you have to have each others back. Its seems so common, for people to be so 1 and done with others. I know I am guilty of it. I lost a sorta cool friend of what I thought was a stupid topic. They got mad at me cuz i didn't think Lil Wayne and Nikki were the best rappers alive. I really didn't give a flying monkey's knee-cap as to the issue of a great rapper but they obviously did! I understand being a fan, but c'mon son we are not getting any of them royalty checks, so does it matter who is the greatest? Again to my ex-friend it Klearly did!
My oldest daughter asked me is my Dad- (((her grand dad))) considered her friend? I said, I guess so? So she then said, "why doesn't he ever come to our house and see my awards from school, or have lunch with me at school and meet my friends or just call me to see how I am doing"? Well, wasn't to much that I could say, considering he comes to town to see my sister and her family and doesn't even call her cell phone to say "I hate you midget". So I just said,"Sometimes we just have to be the bigger person and make lemonade out of lemons". I meant shake it off and keep on moving, but I am sure she was thinking just make lemonade-lol!. As I sit here at the computer, I don't know if my father is her friend, after all he is a busy man, so it is what it is-right? I know my kids been watching t.v. and seeing how some grand folks spoil the grand- grands and wondering whats up with them. I gotta scratch my head and figure something out to get they minds off this.....
Any-who, at the end of the day, we pick and chose, win and loose, but the real friends are always there and will always keep it real but loving. Proverbs 18:24 reads: There exist companions disposed to break one another to pieces, but there exists a friend sticking closer than a brother.....
I am Ward...
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
These are things George Bush actually said.....and yet yall still voted this sucker in twice-lol!!!
If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure. (Uhhhh.. the risk?)
Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child. (Not even going there...)
I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy, but that could change. (See Dictionary: "Irreversible")
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'. (Like Katrina?)
I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future. (Can I please ride in your time machine?)
We're going to have the best educated American peoples in the world. (Yes we are sum smartin peopleS)
I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican (Not going there either...)
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls. (Wow, Former President and King of The Obvious Statements)
We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur. (Wait.. if they don't occur, how are they seen or unforseen? Help me please)
For NASA, space is still a high priority. (Yeah, I've heard NASA has like a bit of a thing about space.... Mr President.. were you just smoking pot?)
We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made. (No, leave that to everyone else)
It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it. (See Definition "Polution".)
I stand by all the misstatements that I've made. (You can't stand that long sir, you're getting old)
I am Ward.....
da Kizz
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Words that should stop an argument dead in its tracks (if you love that person.....)
Please try to understand my point of view.
Wait, can I take that back?
You don’t have to solve this—it helps me just to talk to you.
This is important to me. Please listen.
I overreacted, I’m sorry.
I see you’re in a tough position.
I can see my part in this.
I hadn’t thought of it that way before.
I could be wrong.
Let’s agree to disagree on that.
This isn’t just your problem, it’s our problem.
I’m feeling unappreciated.
We’re getting off the subject.
You’ve convinced me.
Please keep talking to me.
I realize it's not your fault.
That came out all wrong.
I see how I contributed to the problem.
What are we really fighting about?
How can I make things better?
I’m sorry.
I love me.
Or just say....I am Ward..........
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Response to a message from Anonymous ......
Well anonymous, I thank you for that interesting perspective on the blog about love fading or not! But please allow me to respond about what most of us are seeking that you quoted. Most people, from my vantage point, are looking for a religion to fit their life styles rather than whats in the Bible has to say. How many people know God's name as outlined in the Bible and actually use it as you would with a good or trusted friend. As far as love goes....love is long suffering and kind, but it also has its limits. GOD (as you call him) turned his back on the Jews after repeated attempts to encourage them change. So too, must us who seek love within a relationship betwixt a man and a woman. If some 1 loves you, then it would behoove them to know your role as GOD intended. A woman must be easy to love and have deep respect for her man. He, the man, must love her as himself and treat her like a delicate expensive vase, becuz God will deal with him when the time is right.
So I don't believe its incorrect to walk away from something or someone who KLEARLY has strong views that interfere with the good of the relationship. I recall Eve from the Bible, she wanted to do her thing with the fruit and it ruined her relationship there as well. I can't stress this enough, but the man is the head of the relationship, just like a boss is in authority over his employees. True there are some men who can't lead as well as they should, but that doesn't change their position and when it comes to love, you have to love someone enough to let a person go who can't follow you. Consider having two steering wheels in a car? It would be a interesting drive if she wants to go to the mall and he wants to go to the pool hall-lol!
Anonymous, I am not hating on women, but I know that most problems in relationships start with women (Eve on down) wanting to be the man rather than the helper or compliment. Well at least that what God said they were, but who am I. Yeah I left some1 I love before, but I really feel it was the right move because after all, I am a work in progress......
I am Ward....
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