Insecurities and the problems it brings your dudez......

Everyone will go through the emblematic situation of having an insecure partner at some point in their lives. The typical theme is that ""men""are the jealous ones in relationships & we've all seen some poor, unsuspecting sap get interrogated by his lady for glancing at the dipp with the....um let's just say ((big eyes)). Face it fellas, women are far more insecure of jealous than us men folk and we can not avoid this one fact, but the rhetorical question I ask is: Why are you insecure in the first dawg gone place?????

No matter how one answers allegations that they are not interested in other females, women always need to hear that they are still as beautiful as the first time you laid eyes on them. Women have this constant need for affirmation and if you've been caught looking at another woman, this becomes especially important. For that matter, if you are cool with an ex-girlfriend or anybody in your life that is nice looking: U can expect to have a good old fashioned argument at some point. I so enjoy the creative ways that the insecurity will surface. It may be doing an innocent (or so it seemed at first) text message or she might just come right out and ask you U if you think so and so is attractive. Don't answer that question....ever..... Be very aware if they say they asked this question for no reason at all??? Otherwise, you would have not asked the question in the first place, if is was nothing-right? How many times does someone ask you what size underwear your wear and then walk off in 2 the sunset!!

When looking at the whole ordeal in perspective, what does it all really mean? Probably, that women really care for and love us. Perhaps this feeling of loving you is overwhelming or you may just be to big or too strong or too wide..... Women sometimes use strange techniques to display their affection. So, as a rule of thumb, always be attentive to her needs. Perhaps our mind will never stop wandering about this or that but we can at least appreciate our woman's beauty too. On the other hand, beware because jealousy of this sort can have negative connotations. Men tend to say what we mean and mean what we say. We learn early on during the dating phase that once words are spoken- they can seldom be retracted but can very very easily be thrown back up into yo face during your next UN-planned argument!

Of course there are natural situations that a woman can and should be insecure and you probably know what I mean. But the thing that gets me, is when "she" looks for reasons to use her insecurity skills. For example, if you gotta urinate more than normal doesn't mean you are cheating, it could mean you are drinking a whole bunch of soda pop at your job! Also if you don't call her in 2 days doesn't mean you broke up, it means you tired, adjusting to life situations or just busy. I know some women who have the loving kindness to dump via text messages...how high school is that. Its all fair in love and insecurities. Ironically, I think we know in our minds that we already know what we want to do and just need any reason to make it happen.

Last but not least important, men have issues too! We want a dime piece but then get mad when another brotha appreciates our jewel. Trust and believe that U will have to jump through some hoops for your insecure woman if you feel she is really worth it, just be sure you can do like New Edition asked of you......Can you stand the rain?

Ward...

StOp datING like you are ScarD.......

Love isn't suppose to hurt or frustrate you: but sometimes it does exactly that! You try hard with all your might, and fight hard to do what is right, but still you find your self in a situation that has you feeling undecided about continuing the situation that once gave you such high hopes and happiness.
Some may start to expect perfection from you, but incapable of giving that back to you in return: but still somehow think that is fair?? Some examples of perfection expectations that I think are challenging include.... Guaranteeing that you will never hurt them or that you will never leave them or even possibly that you will always anticipate their needs and meet them even before they are aware of them. Come on people, unless you are Jesus, I think you may have a problem with these big shoes to try and fill!
I cramm to understand why people insist on dating like they are scared of....well dating! When you are dealing with imperfect people, you are gonna have some bumps in the road. I think we sometimes forget that just like we have past experiences that has shaped our present, that so do that other we are dating? Communication has to be paramount if you are to get over your fear. Tell the person how you feel and what you are willing to give to get what you want and need. If you never put yourself out there you may never release this fear.
I have been hurt before and have hurt some people too. But you have to look at everything as a learning situation and go forward. You either learned that this works or doesn't work. Never a failure because your past will end up holding your present and future hostage!
Ward.

Sometimes who are R izz not what you want Everybody 2 ""C""!

I sometimes toss and turn with the myriad of stories that I encounter in my daily life. For example, a man who moved a lot of weight (Sold Drugs) as his profession- ends up getting caught and goes to jail. Turns out he is a righteous dude- friendly, articulate and very giving in nature. Should I hate the fact that he chose that decision for his life or should I just accept that he was a savvy business man who chose a profession that is not legal?

I understand many of the bad choices that good people have made over the course of their lives. I do not condone wrong or even judge it, The Bible makes it pretty clear about consequences of our actions. I just have a sour taste in my mouth when I ponder that facts that the role models our youth look up to do not always have the best intentions.

What about the man who beats his wife (or vice versa) in private, yet he is a prominent figure in the community, work or his place of worship? What is the rationale behind that? Is it stress, jealousy, or ignorance? I don't know, but this type of action has been going on for years.

Then there is the trust thing. What if your dude asks (U)his woman, for the email passwords or voice mail codes. Is he jealous, controlling or just plain crazy? I think that it could be just looking for reassurance to ease some crazy ideals that others may have planted in his mind or some stupid talk show. Why not just be open with your mate? I guess many people would have different views, but I know I would have no problem with be open and honest........Do You?

Ward

To tripp or not to tripp: That is the question

Words can up lift or tear down in a single sentence. The ironic thing about it is that depending on who the messenger is affects the reaction of the hearer! Usually people whom we are close to are the ones we seem to hurt the most. I assume its because we know they love us and we are more open to experiment with our response expressions. We may yell at them, scream and even throw things at the person. But the question to ask one's self is: Would I do this at my job if someone rubbed me the wrong way? The answer is very clear to me. We know we have something to loose if we act less than professional (your job sucker).
I understand first hand, how temps can flair up and force people to make a decision to act like a christian or go straight "ignorant". I know I am a work in progress and have been known to loose my temper a time or 2 but for the most part I try keep my cool for the most part. I think any other way of handling matters makes the one going off look or seem crazy. Think about it, if you saw a guy yelling and screaming at another dude who is standing there just being calm: Who do you think is the idiot?
Recently I had a chance encounter where I asked a loved one did they think they were a mean person? The response was "What did I do now"??? I meant no disrespect, I just thought the actions they were displaying at the moment was very rude! I tried to be non-confrontational but it didn't work.
Well to make a long story short, I learned that it is sometimes better to just know when to walk away and let sleeping chickens to bark or what ever the saying is. Perhaps we all just want to loved and accepted for who we are. In this process, I think we sometimes forget that we are giving all of our positive energy to people at work and outside the home. Looking back, I could have asked my question N a more positive light. I know I don't like hearing myself get down on my faults so I know others don't want 2 hear me point out there-lol! Well you know what they always say: family...you can't live with them and you can't Kill em!...

Ward

The ArT of dumping your confusing other......

Infidelity, different goals, or meeting someone else are all reasons why people choose to break up. But for many people the process may not be that simple. Even if there is a fight and emotions run high, people may say words out of anger and then break up. Usually however, they may talk, reconcile, and try to work things out, only to have another outburst where they suddenly decide to call it quits again. I call that the return of unresolved issues. Face it now or later.

The art of breaking up heavily rests upon the personalities of the people involved in the relationship. Sometimes, there is just no other way to end a relationship then to do so abruptly and as tactfully as possible. However, in some situations, there are many peaceable solutions to help a relationship dissolve calmly and with a friendship still in tact. Of course, I don't mean yall can still kick it, but you still be cool if you see each other on the skreet!

If emotional or physical abuse was involved in the relationship then you need to get out of the situation immediately, no matter how strongly you feel that you may be in love. With that said, in other situations breaking up can be done in a way that both parties remain friends if they choose to. Never have someone else tell your partner for you. Break ups should be done respectfully and you should always respect your partner enough to explain to them the reason for the breakup.

If you are determined that you should end the relationship, then you should think beforehand of what you are going to say, the reason for the break up, and try your best to consider the other person’s feelings. Delivery of the message is important and a calm tone of voice can help make the transition smoother. Some people find that they can express things better in a letter. There is nothing wrong with writing down your thoughts and feelings and breaking up through a letter. With today’s technology, many people are finding email a preferable tool to deliver a break up message. This is a matter of preference and may hinge upon the way you communicated throughout the relationship. If email was a vital form of communication, then it may be appropriate to discuss your break up this way. However, if you never sent an email back and forth, deciding to start with a “Dear John” letter, may in fact be very inappropriate.

The key points to remember in any break up is to explain your position as clearly as possible. When you are sure that you need to end the relationship, stick to your guns. Some times the other party will try to make you feel guilty and manipulate you into remaining in the relationship. You know when its over. If you have decided that you need to move on with your life, then do so. Every case is unique, but when its over don't belittle the other person because no one made you date him/her in the first place so you are as stupid they are if you talking sideways about them. Keep in mind people are human and forgiveness of past mistakes is divine. You will find someone for you one day, but take time to work on "self" because if you have a pattern of issues with the opposite sex, then you can continue your cycle of break up to make up. Rule number#1017: Work on thy self before trying to start a relationship!
Ward

Take it back Tuesdays with Ward

Tonight I did absolutely nothing after work. O.k. I did a little but I was tired. I had 4 gotten how draining work can be. Think about it, after you stumble out of bed, get dressed, make sure the kids are cool and bellies are on full, jump in the ride, fight traffic all the way to the job then get there and put in 8 long ones, then rush back home......well you getz my point. It takes getting a good nights sleep, eating right and having balance in yo life mannnnnn.
Well, my daughter and I (see pic above) were just vibing on the sofa talking about the important things in "HER" life like VP Jackson-Sponge Bob-Meet the Browns, the bus ride to and from school and her spiritual goals for the future. We talk like this for about an hour daily. She talks non stop for about 10 minutes then gives me a chance to "attempt" to jump in like a game of double dutch, but she starts up again when she remembers some other life changing events-lol!
Well I did manage to share with her that even though we live in Indianapolis, that doesn't make me a Colts fan. I only wore that freaking shirt cause it was on sale! She agrees with me and told me I should do like her and wear a Hana Montana shirt. I think we will agree to disagree on this one.
Ward....

Do I want to be like my father?

I recall growing up in South Bend Indiana thinking how much I hate all that snow that surely came each and every winter! Of course I lived with my mother and father and some girl.....lets just call her my sister. We had modest dwelling in a pretty nice neighbor hood. It was a scary time but it was also a learning time. We were the only black family in my hood and the only black kids at the school we attended. I recall having our family cars covered in eggs and those special "N" words being yelled at me on the daily. I can't tell you how trying of a time this was for an impressionable young black person in America.
The reason I titled this one what I did is because I think of how things are now and I have to chuckle to myself because so much has changed and so many of us have forgotten where we came from. My father and I are at complete opposite endz of the spectrum of life from my perspective. My father is one of those old skool men who thought being a good Dad meant working all day and two jobs if need be to provide for your family. It meant never playing ball with me, it meant never saying I am sorry and it meant never sitting down and listen to me read a book! I ain't mad at him cause he didn't really have his Dad in his life so he did the best he thought he could with what he had to work with. Myself on the other hand, having two daughters, always makes time to go over home work with my kids, attend events that my kids do, throw the Frisbee and basketball and bike riding on the regular. I know how important spending time with your kids are. I feel if a kid has the choice of choosing between having money or the time and attention of a broke parent: I am sure they will take the parents 100% of the time. Why you ask? First, because the kids did not ask to be born and kids look to parents as our role models. Little girls wear mama's shoes and purse in imitation of her and little boys try to be the man of the house when Dad is away.
I don't blame my Dad for the past because I see situations as learning and never failure ventures. I learned that in order to have my kids want to be around me and respect me requires that I learn to be the best parent I can be and when I fall short, admit my mistakes and keep it moving. So no I don't want to be like my father I want to be my own man who has no regrets of the past and high hopes of the future. I never wanted to be a father, but now that I am, I understand relationship issues better. I don't want my kids having male abandonment issues-lol.
If I could talk to other fathers, I would really stress the importance of having balance your life. If you have kids, you can't be all wrapped up in your job, or spouse or work. You gotta give every one a piece of you, but the family has to come first. Some of us never get this point. I have many friends who don't spend time with their kids at all, not because they don't love them, but they can't get along with their baby mama's. Men will choose to just walk away from their seeds than deal with the negativity of a woman scorn. Doesn't make it right, but it does make it a reason.
As for my Dad and I today, we talk occasionally but we are by no means close. If he needs my help I would be there, but I won't go out my way to go on vacations with him, or call him daily to say Hi and how are you doing? Its just to late for us now. He has another wife and they are happy- just like me- living life as if we are distant associates. Sure I wish I had a father I could go to the driving range, fix the car with or watch the basketball game, but that ain't my reality. Only thing left for me to do now is that best I can for my kids. I admire those momz who was both mom and dad. I feelz ya.

Ward.....

The Marriage counselor and Wardz wisdumbb

Today at Orientation I basically worked on proper holds and take down techniques of aggressive individuals. It was quite intensive because the entire class had to get on the floor and hold down others. It was real combat but a necessary precaution that had to be learned in order for us to be effective in what it is that we do! I would suggest that if my work mates are gonna be this close to others face that they should invest in severals cases or truck loads of altoids. Heck, let me buy them as my gift from me to them....
Well as class went on a late comer snuck in the back of the class and took a seat beside the Wardster. As she later introduced herself and said she had her Masters degree in Marriage and Family Counseling, I knew I had to speak with her about my favorite topic.......Marriage.
Turns out that ole girl (Lets called her Sydnee) really knows her stuff about couples. We vibed for at least 2 hours because I have a lot of questions and she had all the answers. One thing that she emphasised is that couples need to learn to communicate in ways that both are able to understand. It seems that couples tend to think the other person should suddenly become a mind reader and know what the other wants. It usually doesn't work out to well with this type of expectations lol! I personally think that when we first meet someone we are enthralled with the differences of the other person, but soon enough we start to dislike that our mates don't think like we do. We start with the "Why did he/she do or say this or that?" Why do we do that. Are we not individuals who intelligent enough to have our our view points? Guess not otherwise why would we argue so much?
The counselor also told me that people come in to the office and say things like "Fix him" or she has to try to not seem like she is on the woman's side. It does make sense that when emotions are high enough for you to go seek professional help then you want immediate gratification ASAP!
Today, just really made me think about how frustrated people are today. We are moaning and groaning and just getting run down with all the distractions that affect us day by day. Really couples just want peace at the end of the day but don't know how to achieve that elusive goal. We experiment with emotions on those we love, by being mean to loved one and not speaking for days or weeks on end. We go to bed angry and wake up the same way. It seems we are giving our positive energy and actions to those at the job who could careless about us. In the words of Rodney King....Why can't we all just get a good counselor or something like that?
Ward