First Loves and Second Divorces.....

Couples are known to love each other, fight each other and eventually leave each other. I say the latter part because most people don't always stay with their first lovez---- for what ever reasons they usually just don't? The thing that perplexes me is why we never let the memories of our first love subside?? I'm willing to venture as far as saying that the first relationship very well defines what type of qualities you will want in a man or woman!
In this writers opinion, when you first start dating everything is new and exciting with expectations being non-existent to very very low! So if your mate was mild tempered, attentive, loving and big on communication that you probably dated me!Men tend to want a woman like Momz, ya know cared about him no matter what he did. She could cook and clean and still keep it tight! Seriously, there are no classes that we take on dating in Jr.High/High School, we just go by trial and error and of course we can always listen to our friends unproven advice (most of our friends had no mate but plenty of advice). My Nephew (Evan) once told me that he met the perfect woman who is in the 12th grade! Poor misguided soul!!
Think about this, so many people end up in divorce court and never had that plan from the beginning, but yet it is a very real reality isn't it? Again return to that first love. They knew we were imperfect and loved us anyway, in fact they sometimes only saw the good in us and encouraged us to heights we know we never would have attained otherwise. Fast 4 ward back to the "sucka" U with now. You may argue over money, communication, house hold duties and anything else to get the fire fueled. Perhaps it has something to do with life showing you that everything that glitters isn't always "fake gold".
The only comparison I can give to the first love is--my kids ( I have 2) because they get mad and fuss and fight as well, but are friends again the next 10 minutes and rarely bring up the silly arguments again. Kids are innocent and just want to have fun. I read that kids laugh some 600 times per day and adults laugh about 10 times per day. Hummmm perhaps it is just a coincidence-lol! Why can't we be like that?
Of course there are always exceptions to the first love rule, because some women have been beaten, mistreated and pushed to limits. Some men have been scared to death seeing women at night for the first time with that green stuff on their face and the Aunt Jemima wrap on yallz head and that god awful moo-moo (where do you all get that stuff from).
My point is to keep in mind the things that you initially enjoyed about dating and try to reincorporate those things in 2 your current situation if its not too late! Keep the innocence about your self and your expectations. Learn to be meek and work on the fruitages of the spirit(love,joy,peace,long suffering,kindness,goodness,faith, mildness and self control) you might just be happier.
So far, we are incapable of returning to the past but we can focus on our gift (the Present-lol!)and sometimes you find your first love again and who knows what can happen then suckers!

I be Ward

Can 2 people really be 1 when..............money is separate?

If U don't know by now, I am sure you will at some point in your life, but the number one issue that couples argue about is "MONEY"! Ya know the green back, dinero, the yen, dead presidents, cold hard cash, mullah-well you get my point! My question is why? What is all the fuss about, I mean we R all grown and some of yall are grown and SEXY (you know who you are) so what makes a man and a woman get all weird about change. We sign contracts and prenuptial agreements and have separate bank accounts. Its almost like some couples are actually room-mates with occasional benefits-lol!
Check it, most disagreements over money are not really about cash or credit but about trust or fear. One of the couple may want to account for every cent the other spends might actually be saying that have little faith in you to manage family funds. The other may complain that you save too little and a future emergency may be an even bigger issue! See our backgrounds affect our views on money. Some people come from backgrounds where money was managed well. Others had parents who could have had issues with alcoholism or bouts of unemployment. They learned to do without essential items and developed a real fear of being in debt. These issues can lead to not trusting a mate when they don't think like you do!
I was talking to Coqweeta about money and she stated her and her dude has separate bank accounts and neither knows how much the other has? Humm, eye thought to myself! She can borrow from him and he from her as needed. It seems like it would be easier to just work as a team like you do at work, basketball or anything organized. In my opinion, if everyone plays their part well, you have success, but then again...who am I?
I have four quick tips for couples who want to function as one (again, if what you are doing is working 4 you, then by all means dew you) may consider trying.
1. Learn to talk calmly about $. Talking about this early can lessen the chances of a misunderstanding or conflict later. Will 2 walk together unless they have met by appointment? (Amos 3:3)
2.Agree on how income will be viewed. Openly disclose your income and major expenditures to each other. You don't have to confess every dime spent but larger purchases should be discussed. With joint accounts, set aside money in savings that can be withdrawn by either. Such as $15-$20.
3.Put your plans on paper.Write down all your fixed expenses. Agree on what % of your income should be saved. Next keep track of actual expenses for several months to adjust your life style. You can't argue with what is black and white on paper!
4.Agree on who will do what.Two people are better than one, cuz they get more done by working 2geather!(Ecclesiastes chapter 4:9,10). Many options in this area. One can write the bills out or pay them on line and the other can keep track or what ever works as long as you both know what is where.

Point of the blog: When couples talk about how they want to spend money, they share their hopes and dreams and confirm their commitment to the relationship! They show respect for each others opinions and feelings. So 2 can become one when communication is paramount, so why argue. Don't worry , have a joint account suckers.

I be Ward.......

Disadvantages of the advantages of being single while thinking marriage is or is not all that?

When it comes down to it there are only a few groups of people (at least for this entry). Those who are single, dating, married or divorced. There is a common thread in this writers opinion and that is...we all want to be loved, liked or satisfied with what ever we do.
My dilemma is that it seems like everyone wants to be in the opposite category from which they currently reside. In fact, we have over a 50% divorce rate in this country, I wonder about the 50% that stay married- Are they really happy or just staying together for what ever reason (economics,money or kids). In this blog I plan to discuss some reasons to get married and some ways to know if ((you)) are even ready.
Some people choose to get married at a very young age (say 19-22) and they often morph into someone totally different by the time they are 10 years older, but you know you can't tell young folk no good-lol! Then the other extreme is those who wait until they are dang near 40 to settle down. A potential issue here lies in the cement factor. Ya know, they all mixed up, settled in they ways and not flexible and resistible to change of another perspective. After all, they made it thus far in life, now how some man or woman gonna come all up in your life trying to run something!!! I think that is especially hard for women, because you are all often the stronger sex emotionally! If a man ain't got his ish together, a woman ain't moving in with you and give up her comfort zone to be with U and your mama.
I know woman who tried to accept a man who was failing in certain areas and it straight blew up in their face. This lady in particular, met a man down at the free concert who had no shirt on and was walking. It took three weeks until she realized he had no car or place to live. I ain't hating on his situation but ole girl has a house and car already. They are not evenly yoked, so problems will arise-Truss! I mean if your mate doesn't know the importance of having car insurance and gas money how is he gonna respect your stuff. What about the man who fell for the woman who was working fries at McDonald's with big butt? Again, not knocking fast food workers, but he was a banking supervisor. Seems like they was in 2 different directions. Chris Rock said if yall on two separate pages it similar to a crack head dating a Christian. On Sunday you say I am off to service, where you going, he replies--to hit the pipe for a few hours...humm you see my point?
How about some ground rules to help get people going with this dating process. Know you self first. Have an ideal of what you want and don't want. Brutha Malcolm X said, "If a man stands for nothing, he will fall for anything"!! How do you treat your parents and other family members? Do you lose self control if you get rubbed the wrong way? Can your bone head keep calm under pressure? The way you deal with family is an indicator of how you will deal with your new mate! Are you a positive person or do you let negative talk consume your thoughts? This can damage your relationship or at least make the other person think you should not be around guns or knives??? What about money? How many bounced checks do you average? Everybody makes some mistakes sometimes, but at least get some financial classes, cause Foreclosure ain't no joke! Can you keep a job? This is a reason some couples have separate checking accounts---Cuz they don't trust you dumb butt! But they can't come out and say that now can they?
What about kids, do you want them, cause kids change your whole relationship but that is another blog! Most couples don't communicate. Take time to cut the darn television off and talk about each other day. Know how he/she feels. Listen and don't freaking interrupt either. Just be respectful. You will be surprised how quickly u get to know your mate! Ask them what can I do to make you happy instead of assuming. I think the opposite sex thinks the other should think like they think about a few months of dating and that is when arguments usually start.
I know nobody is perfect so you gonna have issues with anybody you are dating because let's face it, sometimes I don't like myself, so I know you may hate me at times 2! Its no reason to say I ain't never dating again. Sometimes we gotta make self improvement changes to meet that right person. Perhaps some of us should remain single if we keeps going through the opposite sex. Think about it like this. You have to search to find a mate who you like that likes you back and then all the other thangs that come along...wheeewww! Love is a long shot, but since we don't have no classes on how to be a good mate, we have to work with what we work with. Meaning, you get what you put out-right?
Well in closing, I say this, Marriage is hard work, but well worth it for two are better than one, and singleness is cool if you can embrace alone time with yourself. In fact, date your self. Do things for your self, like buy yourself roses, get a manicure, go on a spa day or drink a glass of wine while eating chocolate strawberries in front of the fire place** so you can tell your mate this how I like to be treated.
I don't know about you but I ain't giving up on love.
Ward up yalllll......

What WaRd wants u 2 NO!

* If you win the lotto please quit your job!
*Don't test out new big words in public
*Keep up with your cell phone (just trust me on this one)!
*If a fat person and a skinny person are coming down a narrow hall-the fat-ter person has the right away!
*If you are gonna quit your job dont give too much notice- that only works for white people-lol!
*Act like you dont want it- It becomes easier to get it!
*When having a bad day, just have a good 5 minute laugh and start over!
*Begin your day out by reading something positive and set the tone!
*When you go to Wal-Mart, do like I do and test out all the toys!
*Always bet on black

i am Ward

The 24 hours that I was transformed into a woman!!!

I dont really recall how it all happened but the parts I do remember dang near scard your boi 4 life! It was late one Friday night and I was watching the birth channel I guess, and started thinking to myself "that if having a baby was so hard, I am sure men would be the one's who would have been chosen to do it". All you gotta do is push and you got the eppi-darnell shot that takes all the pain-right? I then thought how women don't have to worry about approaching men for dates and so on and fell asleep thinking about that!
Next thing I know, I woke up and was a................WOMAN! I was like what the freak has happened to me? I had some double Deez too! I think I looked at them for about 37 minutes before I resumed my screaming. Well I finally accepted my fate that I was now a woman. I had to embrace this new me. I got dressed in a red dress and some flip flops (just couldn't do the heels)and went to the garage and found a nice convertible Saab! My work badge was on the seat, so I went to the job. FYI: I was a Lawyers assistant.Before I went in the building I saw some chapstic called MAC. I perfer carmax, but I used what was handy. I applied that stuff and could not unstick my lips for 20 minutes. What is that stuff glue? Anyway, I guess I got paid well cause the diggs was all that and then sum. I walked into the building and all the dudes was checking me out and I forgot I was a chick so I was mean mugging them suckers and thinking I wish you would. Oops I passed by a mirror and tried to holla at myself, dang I forgot! O.k. I am back in character and walked in the office and my boss smacked me on the butt and asked was we going back to the lunch get away???? Oh (cuss word) to the KNOLL. I just went to my desk with a frown on my face. I suddenly became over whelmed with a bunch of feelings of mixed emotions. I was feeling fat, but jealous of the other lady next to me, then I wanted to call somebody but realized I hate people today. What is going on with my hormones I thought? I got up to get some coffee and started crying so I went back to my desk. I remember thinking I wish I had a dude to call and start a fight with about something that happened 24 years ago, but I think I was single?

In walks my girlfriend, I guess, cause she age some of my doughnut and started gossiping about the other women in the building and I found myself oddly interested and it actually made sense why Sherl down the hall was a slut. Seems that Sherl did always speak to everybody. That huzzie!!! Gee, my stomach is aching pretty bad by now, I wonder why? Hummmmmm. Next,think I realized is that I heard a loud buzzing noise and I suddenly woke up from this nightmare on Elmer street to find I was back at home. I was logical again, I had a flat chest and let out a loud fart. Wheewww, I thought....Women are crazy and men really didn't make them that way?

I am woman....I mean Ward.

Dew sumthing strange for some change!

I was talking to my to one of my boys who....lets just say he was into pharmaceutical sales. He told me how he had tens of thousands of dollars on a given day and how he sta8ight jacked it off because he was living just for today. He told me that he knew he could be killed or die at any given moment. I just couldn't comprehend that logic. I didnt' think I was superior to him in anyway, I just always envisioned the things I would do if I had a windfall like that!

So me being that dude that I am, I had to know what was the reasoning behind this line of thought. He told me that like many a dude in his situation- he wasn't use to having much and was only living for the moment. Investing in the future wasn't a realistic option in his line of work. Suddenly it started 2 make sense. My goal in life was often revolving about finishing school to get that good job, paying them bills on time so I can keep my credit straight and saving up money so the kids can have things that I didn't have as a kid. I knew what I wanted and I knew what I needed to do. My guy was looking at this from his vantage point: Get it now anyway you can! Shoot, I know that I could have flipped this dude's money over 3 or 4 times and made us both rich, but hey that is my thinking again-lol!
Isn't it funny how opposites attract, ya know light skinned women and dark men, greedy people and victims, outgoing personalities and introverts. We seem to like something or someone that is unique N comparison to ourselves. When it comes to my thoughts on my dude, I was envious of all the money he had but not really aware of his inner demons. And I know he totally unaware about my worries-lol!

I guess I learned that the grass isn't greener on the other side. It just means I need to spend more time watering my own back yard ~_~

Ward....

So life ain't what you thought it would be?

So your relationship has failed (again), you got fired/layed off from your job, your kids are off the chains and you just don't give a....well you get the point. Sometimes life seems 2 throw us all a curve ball or three from time to time and it seems insurmountable. Personally, I recall a time when I was flat out uncertain about the future of my living conditions. I was living in a ghetto-ish apartment on the East side of napp. I can not express how bad the living conditions were over there. I moved there because I was waiting to clear up my credit to qualify for a mortgage. I only needed 4 months but it seemed like an eternity.
During this time, I was working a full time and a part time job and going to school full time, not to mention being a full time single dad to my two young daughters which meant I had little free time and zero for my social life. N.E. ways, I remember coming back home late from my long day only to find my apartment had been completely robbed. Of course I didn't have renters insurance (that won't happen again) I felt so helpless and angry at the same time. I wanted who ever did this to pay and be held accountable. I sat there in the middle of the room for hours thinking Y me.................
I later embraced that life ain't what I thought it would be but it still ain't that bad. I realized that I had to change my thinking in order to change my future and so does all the victims that I mentioned in the first sentence. When we think about it, we as humans have a tendency to let our past memories hold our present and future life's hostage. With this new thinking I realized that me getting robbed was just one of those things that regularly happens and it was just my turn. After all I moved to the ghetto on my own free will! I replaced all the lost stuff with better things and got a brand new house built and I felt better about life. So the long and short of this is.....When we fall down we have two options, either stay down and learn to crawl really well or get the freak back up and keep it moving. Of course it is easier said than done, but well worth the effort.
I am not where I want to be in life, I would love to have a job that I love and good at, a loving family and that new 2010 Buick La Cross, but that just means I got somethings to work on and look forward to. I decided a while ago, no matter what curves life throws at me, I won't give up.

Ward up yall.....