Things some white people might consider NEVER saying to an African American person.......

1. Call a Black person “articulate.”

Instead: Because of a long history of oppression, degradation, and dismissal of the talent and skills of Black people, understand that such a statement coming from a white person is often construed, and meant, as meaning “articulate-ness” is something unusual in a Black person.

2. Say ”one of my best friends is [black, Latino, person of color, etc.].”

Instead: Ask yourself first: Do you know where that person shops for groceries? Where they go to church? Where they get their hair cut? What their children’s/granchildren’s names are? Have you ever been to their home? These are the things you know about a best friend.

3. Say that the success of [Oprah, Bill Cosby, Michael Jordan, etc.] show that there’s no longer any racism.

Instead: Ask yourself about Madame CJ Walker. She was a millionaire, the first black millionaire, in the early part of the 20th century.  Lynchings were still going on.  No one would say things were equal then, but she was a famous millionaire.  The real question is how many more people like Oprah etc would there be if there were equality?

4. Say that if anyone works hard they will get ahead.

Instead: Understand and accept that this is one of the operative myths of our culture: the meritocracy. Any comparative statistic of all the socio-economic indicators shows that structural inequality is the reality. A lot of people who are working hard are not getting ahead.

5. Say that it doesn’t matter what color Jesus was, it matters what Jesus did, while insisting that pictures of him must be white.

Instead: Consider that if it really didn’t matter to you, we could make him Black.

6. Say that if we could just all be friends, everything would be all right.

Instead: Consider that friendships are nice but they are not a substitute for equity and justice.

7. Say that you need a safe space to talk about race.

Instead: Consider why you feel there is a danger zone and why.

8. Say that you “don’t see color.”

Instead: Consider that saying this is not a compliment because the implication is that having color is a diminishment. Are you trying to bestow some kind of “honorary whiteness” on a person of color? They don’t want it.

9.  Say that we should just trust and respect each other.

Instead: Consider whether that isn’t a part of any genuine relationship and why it needs to be highlighted in this instance. Who broke, and continues to break, the trust? Respect has to be earned.

1. Say things like, “Look at [Condaleeza Rice, Ben Carson, Colin Powell]. Why can’t other people of color get ahead?”

Instead: Ask yourself why you didn’t invent the atom bomb. Every culture has its exceptional individuals. But most of us are pretty ordinary.

11. Lecture African Americans and other people of color on how they need to let go of the past.

Instead:  Acknowledge that racism is here in the present.  Whites still benefit from white privilege; people of color are still oppressed by racist institutions. Asking people of color to let go of the past history of racial injustice in this country is actually to ask them to deny the present reality that such injustice still occurs.

12. Excuse yourself from responsibility for racism because you weren’t born yet when people were enslaved.

Instead:  Recognize that every white person alive today benefits from white privilege, right here, right now, in the 21^st century.  You may not be responsible for enslavement in the past, but that doesn’t change your responsibility for how you knowingly or unknowingly perpetuate racism today.

I am Ward......

Love without boarderz.....why couples can't get it or keep it right for long

Can we really love someone if they have to meet our expectations of what our version of love is? Should we consider ourselves in a relationship if we don't have trust? Is what is mine suppose to be split with my mate........ or is what is mine is just for me? Should someone have to say sorry for something that they don't mean because they don't think they were actually wrong in the first dabb gum place???? If the woman makes more $$$ than her dude, does that make him less deserving of her respect? These are some of the questions that if left unanswered will lead to a break down of the love that we respectfully call "our own"!
I find it ironically humorous that the beginning of all relationships we find ourselves on our best behaviors. We don't burp, fart, cuss are show an attitude during that 6 month front stage. We don't talk about our negatives little nuisances for fear of looking bad in the eyes of those whom we want to impress. When you get down to it, we actually treat our co-workers better than our family members:  isn't that an alarming thought? 
There is an old saying that says, We hurt the ones we love the most. This is done because we feel a certain comfort level with people we know love us. We sorta take their feelings for granted or as I like to call it....We tend to think that our loved one won't ever hurt or leave us, so we just do what ever and say Sorry later.
Men and women are totally different in their approaches to life, love and relationships but neither will never be mind readers of what the others are thinking. Both parties in the union deserve happiness and love but seldom know how to attain it after the honeymoon period is over. Its hard to love someone all over again, who has taken you for granted, compared you to their ex and falsely accused you of cheating. Someone how sorry just doesn't soothe hurt feelings. Love without boarders to me means accepting that in love and war All is not fair but it does happen. We have to learn to be good forgivers and students of love rather than false teachers of this art. We should keep in mind to never take our loved ones for granted. No matter how much someone loves you, everyone has their limits of feeling unappreciated. Remember to taste our words carefully before we spit them out into others ears. And finally, when we allow the wrong people in our homes/lives, stuff will always come up missing like : Joy, Peace, Love,Hope,Faith and finally your lover. I feel couples won't get it right until couples need to get back the basics of love!
Love suckers.......
I am Ward....

Not another celebration of a gay athlete to "OVER SHARE HIS PRIVATE LIFE"

Recently a stand out college athlete felt the need to share with the world that he likes having sex with men! I personally feel that as an adult, people have free will to do what ever they want, especially when they are aware of the consequences of said actions! Some will speak of what the Bible clearly says about homosexuality, but that only applies to those of us who desire to be Christians. So with that being said, I enjoy watching players play their respective sports. I enjoy the cross over dribble in basketball, the one handed catch in football or the 500 yard drive from the swift swing in Golf! But I don't want to know if my favorite player french kisses his pet pig every day, nor do I need to know who he or she has had sex with. At the end of the day, how the freak does that information affect me? Quite simply................ it doesn't!
My guy at work says that people need to come on out of the closet to allow them to be free to be themselves. They don't want to pretend to be straight for the fan- I guess? Now that I look deeper at it, imagine how it feels taking a shower around someone you feel uncomfortable. We both standing there naked and I assume he takes a glance, how would I feel then? Sure, not every gay guy wants every straight man, but as a male, I glance at beautiful women and don't act on it, but then again we are not naked are we?
Furthermore,  would it be wrong of me to announce to the world that I am attracted to red bone women? I mean, I need to be free to be who I am at my job right. Then, all my coworkers need to pat me on the back and show support of my feelings. I guess in reality, no one would really care. They just want to make sure that I can do the job that I am paid 2 do right? What makes a man- who makes millions- any different from me?
Its 2014 and some Gay people are still comparing their struggles with that of African Americans of the past. Somehow, it just doesn't compare to me. I didn't wake up one day and say, "I think I no longer want to be a white dude. I feel as though I should have been a brutha". Again, I could careless if a man desires another man, I just don't want it to interfere with my life. Imagine if functioning addicts start to "over share" when they get high during the company meetings. How long would they work your company?
What do I want you ask? I just want some respect from everyone. If I want to watch basketball, then let me watch basketball. If I want to see some gross behaviors that is not acceptable to the laws of the land, then I can watch Cinemaxx. In society today, you can be gay, but you can't be married, but you certainly can tell the world huh?
I am ward.....

Is it me or does it seem like other people often assume that their{{ issues-problems-life situations}} are far more important that what ever it is that "YOU" are going through? I won't lie, I have felt this way a time or 3, until last Tuesday, when this man told me that his 11 son unsuccessfully tried to commit suicide over breaking up with girlfriend!!!! (First of all, the boy was to young to be dating anyway- where does he go on a date anyway? The dollar store?) I began to wonder what could make that youngster consider taking his own life. Of course, I couldn't come up with anything because that would never be an option for me!
That forced me to face the hard realities that everyone not only does not C the world from the view points. Ironically, that could be both good and bad depending on how you look it. Uniqueness, makes the world go around, while creating an interesting work environment-lol! Now as for the little boy wanting to take the long dirt nap (don't judge me words, y'all know I am realllll) I am sure he felt that was his best option at that time 4 HIM, but what he almost found out is, that we don't usually get 2nd changes in those situations. Personally, something major for me could have resulted from Wardy having to attend college full time as a single father, while working a full and part time job and graduating with a 3.4 GPA, is close to that point, but heck why come that far to stop now. Perhaps it was no back up plan other than succeeding talking to me and Satan whispering to him.
What about couples in crisis? Silly argument after silly argument and yet the cycle continues daily like clock work. Small things soon add up to relationship ending things that destroy your relationship. Sure looking at it from across the room, we only see that its petty and easy resolvable right? What we, as on lookers, can't see is the heart palpitations from stress of another fight, we can't see the pain of reliving a past relationship fights that was desperately hoped to never be repeated in the new love union, we can't feel what that arguing couples are thinking about & the myriad of reasons to not stay and fight for fading love. Basically, the large fights have the same impact as the smaller ones.......(((PAIN))) suckers. At the end of the day, what is important to one person may not affect someone else the same way. Someone like me who has never had a drink and never will, may get tore up off of one drink, while a professional drinker like yourself, can drink a pirate under the table and go to work the next day with no issues.
I know you heard of someone being defensive or sensitive (not-gay....get ur mind out of the gutta)? If someone is like this, arguments are a guarantee. Starts out like this...."How come you didn't call me before you bought that item." If the response is similar to this..... Because it my money sucka, then Wardy suggest you hit the floor and run 4 cover, because you are sensitive! The person may just be saying " I asked because I wanted to surprise you and bought the same thing for you"!!! But now you just messed it up for everybody. How much better it would have been to respond to that questioning with " I didn't call because I left my phone on my desk charging by accident and I saw the item on sale and I know you been wanting one, I apologize!" 
Yeah life is perfectly simple why being sprinkled with a touch of confusion from many of us. The question to ask your self is, what do you have the issues in your life that you do? Are you part of the problem or part of the solution.
I am Ward

LOVE TKO SUCKERZ........

I listened to Teddy Pendergrass singing on the radio today and got inspired to write today's entry! Let me give you a taste of what the song said 1st.......

Lookin' back over my years
I guessed, I've shedded some tears
Told myself time and time again
This time I'm gonna win

But another fight, things ain't right
I'm losin' again
Takes a fool to lose twice
And start all over again

Tried to take control of the love
Love took control of me
'Cause you lose all thoughts, sense of time
And have a change of mind

Takin' the bumps and the bruises
Of all the things of a two-time loser
Just tryin' to hold on, faith is gone
It's just another sad song

{{{Back to the blog}}}. Talking to some friends today, the topic was men with drawing from their mates, removing their affections or not being loving enough. I clearly think men don't want to disrespect or neglect his woman, because after all, women were made to be man's loving compliment right? Let's break down this topic like this.....When men start to get fed up with their mates, his attraction starts to ween. Now that doesn't mean he doesn't find her attractive or loving, rather he starts to ask if the little things are out weighing the big things he enjoys. The loss of attraction can happen in 2 ways. We suppress our true-ness in an attempt to please our mate or we try to get them to be like us (or think like us). Guess what happens next???? We sabotage the relationship, then we have that deer in head lights look on our faces.
If we succeed in changing our partner we can actually get some short term needs fulfilled but when the passion starts to leave your situation, you may start to feel like what the fudge happened to this sucka? Peep this: If a dude keeps telling his woman don't get all bent outta shape over nothing" -So, the woman starts to repress how she is feeling about at the time to please ole boi, then he feels good but she doesn't!!!! As time goes on, this couple will start to be, ooh let's say, not as close and loving, with each passing day. I see this trend happening until their is no love left between the two.
The point is this: Many times our good intentions will have us trying to help someone we love see the wrong in their actions by telling them how "WE" wouldn't have done this or that, speaking on how other couples handle their relationships.This line of communication turns off your dude and then he starts to sing the song mentioned about.
 How much better would it be if we expressed our hopes, dreams and desires to our mate in a way that is easier to accept. For example, "It hurts my feelings when you stay out late and don't call me". The person hears your words as non-threatening and seeks to gain cool points by showing they can do as you ask not out of fear....................................................................................................... but LOVE suckers......
Oh well, if you get it , then you get it. If not then I guess its another love TKO...
I am Ward.....

How couples can start to get it right without going left!!!!

One thing I alwayz find true about the male species is that we tend to be logical and look for solutions to make us feel better about what ever it is that we are going thru. I know personally, when I have things heavy on my mind or thinking about a major decision, I want to be alone and try to figure out my next move. On the rare occasion when I can't find the answers I need, I call on one of my guys that I respect and trust. We talk about the issues and kick around solutions. Before you know it, I feel good and my next move becomes my best move. Its pretty much how guys operate. We think, we react and we solve! Seems simply enough doesn't it?
Women on the other hand come str8ight outta left field with their approach to problem solving. Women first need to know its o.k. to be upset about an issue. Getting a quick fix is not what she is necessarily looking 4 at the moment. She wants to be heard and tends to feel better knowing someone who cares about her is standing by her, supporting her during this time. The woman may start to feel better even if the problem is doesn't go away. She feels less stressed and over whelmed about what ever was bothering her.
The ironic thing about the differences between the man and woman is that, we men, tend to think that after listening to our women babble about what was on their minds, that y'all actually want our problem solving skills lol. Then the dude gets all frustrated when the women rejects our help.
I mean I can dig how stupid men sound to a woman at times.
1) "Why you tripping on that situation now, its already over right?
2) "Don't get upset until you know for sure that it will happen"!
3). "Since it has already happended, there is nothing you can do about it now."

I don't think women find these comments loving or comforting, but to dude it just makes sense.....TO US!!!!
I learned that when men learn to relax and listen to his women without thinking that he has to solve the problems of the world, they both can relax and enjoy each other knowing they got each others back. Yeah its simple but I think it is a good starting point.
I am ward......
 

Every woman plays the fool for love but learn to put an expiration on that *%@ish

I find that in dating world, the longer a couple waits to jump the broom, the quicker they separate/divorce. I can't tell you how many times I spoken to dozens of women who dating men for several years with a few common out comes. 1). The guys leaves her for another chick and wife's her up quickly 2). If the dude finally settles down with the woman, he gets a divorce within 24 months of the union 3). The couple arguges about silly issues until the point of growing apart.
The question that needs to be considered is "WHY" do women stay with men for years as his girl friend or live in lover? The couples functions like they are married, with the freedom for one them (usually the male) to stay out late, club or cheat and still have a safe place to return to! Studies have shown that it takes 6 months to know someone well enough to get married, yet many couples choose to date for 10-15 years to really make sure they are doing the right thing-lol! When you think about it, when we start a new job, the training usually last about 4 weeks or less and the rest is on the job learning. I guess when it comes to choosing a marriage partner it takes longer so the couples must have premarital sex (fornication), have kids out of wedlock, sign leases or buy homes and cars like a couple, but never make an official commitment but still consider themselves a christian couple.
I am not insensitive about the feelings that women catch for men, because women love harder and deeper than men in most cases, however, does that mean you gotta be a fool for love? Perhaps someone gets lonely for physical attention, need help splitting that monthly rent or just afraid of being alone with themselves.  I complied a few reasons I feel everybody plays the fool 4 love.....

 1. LIVE  YOUR LIFE THROUGH YOUR MAN –  Women who let a man control the relationship eventually feel cheated and angry.   “Be the best you can be in your own right.”   You need to take a stand for things in your life, and in the relationship that you want.   Don’t wrap your whole life around his!

2. SETTLING FOR A MAN – Desperate women settle for any man. Don’t settle for anyone less than you deserve.  It may take longer to find the right guy but you won’t be stuck with a bum.   Don’t act desperate, good men can smell the desperation a mile away.  Just be confident, be yourself and believe that the right man will come along – the Bible says the man finds the woman right?
3.  CONFUSING PASSION FOR LOVE -  Too many women have sex out of a feeling of emptiness or hunger for approval.  The result:  No bueno suckers!  Sex before marriage can make you feel worthless.  Wait and choose a partner you’ve gotten to like as a person.   Men actually like women MORE if they withhold sex  because they deem you “marriage material.”  No man wants to get involved in a serious relationship with an “easy” woman.
4.  DON’T LIVE TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE:  Yeah, this sounds old school, outdated and… crazy.  But studies repeatedly show that couples who live together before marriage are one-third more likely to break up within 3 years.  Get to know his family, friends and him. Then get married if it feels right, usually between 6 months to 12 months.  Make a commitment of marriage,  do it, then move in… don’t move in without the marriage suckers.
5.  EXPECTING TOO MUCH FROM A MAN:  Women with low self=esteem expect marriage to bring total fulfillment.  But they’re doomed to disappointment when Prince Charming doesn’t meet expectations.  Choose a compatible mate, not a dude you think will solve your problems.   Ask any married woman – happily or not – men can not, and do not, solve all your problems.
6. HAVING A BABY FOR THE WRONG REASON: Women who have a child to fix a broken relationship often become trapped with a man they should have neva got with cuz his sex game was tight!  Make an intelligent decision about having a child.  You have the power over you own body.  Do NOT have a baby just to keep a man in a relationship with you. This will also make him resent you and won't make him faithful to you
7.  HAVING LOW  STANDARDS! -  Over the years women’s standards and requirements have lowered.  Men know that and have taken advantage of it.   Many woman don’t require anything of a man. So many standards have been lowered by women that now a man doesn’t have to climb over a very high bar to get to her. So now you have more men who can get away with more things with more women without any repercussions.   Don’t accept less than you deserve – but some women think dating a dude for 7 + years is a good example and somehow acceptable.
8.  NOT LOVING YOURSELF – If you love yourself and are happy in your own skin, you will be attractive to men.  Take time for yourself.  Decided what you want in life, picture your perfect life – and then go out and get it!   There is no reason in today’s world for a woman not to love herself or to get the help she needs in learning HOW to love herself.   You are special, treat yourself right!   Love yourself first, men will follow. Read Proverbs chapter 31 and find out real women roll.

My point is this. There is no perfect people left on this Earth at this time, but we do have the ability to make better decisions about our lives. We have to realize how hard it is for us to change ourselves so how we gonna change someone else? Women have to realize their worth and position. If a man loves you like he loves him self, he will show you he loves you as well as tell you. Finally, I hope women finally learn that men will only do what you allow us to do. Hummmmmmmm.
I am Ward........