1). “When we’re 2 gether , I am walking on clouds! I can’t wait 2 be with him again!”
Or
2). “We hardly have anything in common. Rather than marriage mates, we’re roommates. I feel so lonely!”
As you probably guessed, the 1st statement was made by a single girl and the 2nd by someone who is married. What you didn’t know was that the statements were made by the same woman at different points of the relationship!!!!
What happens in so many relationships today that causes us so much pain? Is it a shortage of good men? Do people follow the pattern left by their parents? Is change too much to ask for love? Obviously it is a case by case situation for most but for the purposes of this blog, I am gonna focus on women who want to be married and from my perspective why there are having such dating troubles.
From the jump I want to make clear 1 point that life has taught me again and again. “Life is precious and a gift that must not be wasted”. If you are in a relationship that is not fulfilling your needs and wants, you will behoove yourself to ask “Why am eye wasting my time, my life and my feelings on something that is causing me more harm than good?” Heck we all are guilty of it, especially me! The first step is identifying the problem so we then choose the appreciate solution. With that being said, peeps this!
How wonderful would it be if couples would ask each other and themselves, what do I want from my relationship, what can I give and how will I communicate this with my mate during good or challenging times. Quite often times I hear women say things like *all men are dogs *he just wants my cookies*he never listens or talks to me*he called me shallow, etc. I look at it like this. The person who complains is the person with the problem. If a man is all those things mentioned above, he must be comfortable in his skin and doesn’t want to change. It is hard enough to try and change our selves (look at all the failed diets and new years resolutions) let alone trying to change the dude yall with! Some women have a history of choosing the same type of dudes over and over and always end up crying talkin about why he do this to me again, while others don’t know their own self-worth and end up being helpers! Helpers are women who try to do everything for the man who is emotionally unavailable to them in some way. We can only get what we expect from others, so why not raise your expectations levels. We all know the women who chase the man for attention. He doesn’t show up or call you and begin to sweat him with all the calls about where he been and why he doesn’t love you? Some go as far as blaming the dude for her unhappiness. The great Kat Williams said, its called “Self Esteem not His- Esteem”. The problem begins when you try to build a relationship off of what could be rather than what it is in reality!
I clearly understand that many men don’t know how to be the man needed in good relationships, but the good woman can still play an important role, but that is another blog-lol! After speaking with a few of the hommies today, I realized that many women don’t even know what men really want and why some women get married while others who seem together are single 4 life! Here it is ladies.
Men want an intelligent compliment to help him achieve the family goals that he sets out. (He is the head so choose your man wisely), men want some1 beautiful from a spiritual and physical stand point. Men want someone who will fight with them and for them against the world. Men want an extension of themselves. The creator said he was going to make a helper for the man, so it can be done. Now a daze it seems women want to be the leader or co-head of the relationship and demand the dude she has do it her way instead of leaving (if not married) or helping the situation change for the better. I know couples need companionship, partnership and intimacy to be happy. Of course this takes time right? Some people swear they in love after 3 months and move in with a person and give their body and mind then wonder why he don’t want you no more. Break the freaking cycle already, Geesh! Successful couples learn undo what has not been working and fix things as they arise. We are constantly bombarded with movies and TV shows and books in which the girl finds the perfect guy and lives happily after. In reality we have dudes with pot bellies, bald heads and low tolerance for tears! The key is to remember the love endures all things (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
I will end part one with this. If dating is like flying a kite, then marriage is like piloting a plane. The man and the woman have to more skill and effort to make it work. We can’t just rush into things, we can’t expect older relationships to be fixed overnight and we can’t do the same things of the past and expect a new result……
I am Ward……
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