Most couples seldom find the secret to keeping their relationship alive, even after attending communication workshops. Sure they get their ears tickled with all kinds of wonderful ideals on communication, love and respect,but get back to the kribb and find them selves right back into the same rut as before they left-lol! I guess it might be more prudent to have the instructor come home with you for a few days afterward as well.
Lets face it, most of us learn our relationship skills from watching our own perfect parents, uncles and aunts relationships. I might add that this is not always the best course of action for couples in 2010! When you think about it, your back ground and experiences may be as clear as finding similarities in Mandarin Chinese and Spanish languages. No matter how hard you try 2 explain your love to your partner, if he/she only understands Chinese, then you may as well try and catch the wind between your finger nails! I don't care how sincere you are, your mate won't care or give a gosh darn! Sucka one or both of you have to learn the speak the others primary language if you are going to have an effective and working relationship!In addition, I am positive that once this is figured out, the behavior of the other person will dramatically change because they feel the love you have been trying to show!
Just the other day, I was speaking with an 18 year male who is 100% sure he has found his soul mate in high school. (I still chuckle to myself on that conversation). His chosen mate is soooo good to him, she doesn't argue with him, keeps her self right, stays in contact with him constantly. She travels constantly because she got some change (her parents do anyway), seems like she may be the perfect girl after all. Well both of these teens are going off to different colleges in the fall of this year and then 4 years later they plan to get married. To heck with the facts that people evolve and change every several years, and who cares if 1,000 miles will be between them. Time will tell but life will reveal some thangs no one saw coming!
Nonetheless, couples today tend to get so caught up in life that, the other person is not longer the priority (like the 18 year olds) rather something to do on the check off list! Reality has a harsh way of smacking you in the face with a strong hand of "I told you SO sucka".
Here is my advice for couples who want to scream but need to work it out: Realize that the "in love experience" is a temporary emotional high, that will need maintenance and constant updating to keep abreast. The emotional need for love must be met if ya want to be emotional healthy in your situation. When your partner is happy so too will ((you)) grasshopper.
I am Ward
2 comments:
Change is going to happen whether we want it to or not... We are going to learn and evolve (hopefully) as the years go by and the high of being in love while it fades, the memory should linger because it is the reason you stay, it is the reason you fight, it is the reason you try, it is the reason you step outside of the box and figure new ways to keep those fires burning (can you guess I am a single woman and a hopeless romantic, lol) ... I mean why else stay in a relationship? Oh yea, finances, the children, because it's easier.... sounds like a cop out to me... People know what they did to get someone is what they will need to do to keep them, but how many are willing to put that effort into sustaining the relationship? Life is about choices... make one and make the best out of it... DON'T scream, DO something!
Klearly Clearly you have an interesting view point that most of my readers but its o.k. I personally feel that most people, whether knowingly or not, want more out of a relationship than they are willing to put into one. No one can really be prepared for such a venture, because no two couples are exactly alike, and its on the job training. Its a fact that arranged marriages fair better than the traditional way for a reason. As for the cop out thing you mentioned, keep in mind that its easier to fix the problem with you mate if you really love them because 2nd and 3rd marriages have a very very high failure rate......sucka!
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