If you are like me, sometimes you hurt the ones who are the closest to us unintentionally. It's really funny how the words we sometimes say to others take a nasty turn once they leave our mouths and enter into their ears-lol! In reality, before most people share thoughts with others, we often times give them a dry run in our mindz eye. With that being said, we think deep and long about it, further than what we say to the person we are talking with.
Let us assume that a new couple started a relationship but the female has some questions she wants to ask the male about his past sexual history. In her mind, she is thinking how much she loves him and how much fun they have. So when they are absent of each other, she is curious if he is like that with any other women in his life. Seems like a legitimate question to me, but then again its all about the way you package the gift you are about to give to your unsuspecting mate!
This is what you mean to say: "I really love you boyfriend and have a great time with you. I don't want to loose this feeling that we are sharing, but I just need reassurance that we are on the same page. You and I are monogamous right and we are a team....is that correct? This is what your partner heard. "Look sucka, you been acting strange lately, You don't try to kiss me or hold me anymore, are you kicking with your ex behind my back? If you are, I am gonna leave you so fast that your shadow won't have time to catch up with your sorry tasss!
Hummm sound familiar. I am sure it does for some. But image how this same situation could have been replayed out if the person would have just said something like this: "Honey, I have been thinking about us and I need your input. I am afraid that I love you so much that at times I feel insecure or even jealous about others you may have been with. Can you tell me that I am what you want and need or what areas do you feel we need to improve on? I am willing to work hard for us and hope you are too."
Yeah seems easy, but the longer we take to problem solve of maintenance check up on our relationships.....the harder this will be. Its too bad that our school systems that are suppose to prepare us for the future, fails to prepare us for the second biggest commitment of our lives.....marriage!
I am WaRd.....
1 comment:
sometimes you ask a straight forward question because you want a straight forward answer... i think it's all in how you ask, but if someone is on the defensive they are going to hear you yelling when you could dang near be whispering. bottom line, communication is what breathing is to living, without it, it will die.
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