Double Standards of Dating......

A double standard is the application of different sets of principles for similar situations. A double standard may take the form of an instance in which certain concepts (often, for example, a word, phrase, social norm, or rule) are perceived as acceptable to be applied by one group of people, but are considered unacceptable—taboo—when applied by another group and in this case, its about how men and women have two sets of rules for the same dang thang?
I wanted this post to be very realistic, so I researched a few responses of what people actually think about this photo on my blog today. See below!!!


..."Nope!!!If he is making rules on when he's going to spend money on me, I'll pass I don't need to prove that I'm worthy of him to spend money on , If he placing these types of tests early on, what type of other stuff is he going to throw at me later? I have dated single fathers who didn't have money and I was more than happy to go on free dates or even treat them every once in a while".

... "NO WAY!!! When a man really wants a woman he puts all his money, time and effort. Men are hunters. If he is not putting any effort to impress you his is just buying time until he gets something better!".

..."Someone has to pay.....and I'm definitely not going to pay".


..."Definitely, I would love to see how creative he is!".


...."Yep we'll be doing all the free things like no kissing, no touching  and no sex talk because all those things require money".

....."Of course, because it doesn't take money to get to know someone".

..."If a man thinks I'm just using him for his money right off the bat, then don't date me. I'll do things mutually for someone I care about. Buy them gifts. Or offer to pay for things. But I would like to be taken out and courted and for the man to pay".

..."Sounds like a cheap controlling sucker to me. Nope, he isn't the one for me."

..."This ain't nothing new. Most black men ain't spending money on a chick no way."

I personally think that double standards are prevalent in most unhealthy relationships with damaging results like contributing to the high divorce rate in today's society. Its true that men do some things better than most women like fix cars or handy stuff around the house, but women tend to be better multi-taskers. The key is finding balance and using a mind that is focused deep in logic as well as love. Considering that most people who date have not ever had a course in courtship or relationship expectations, we can be fairly sure that conflict will certainly be a staple in these new situations. I came up with a few areas of double standard reduction- By knowing THY SELF 1st!
1. Dating should have an honorable purpose—to help a young man and woman determine if they want to get married to each other. Spending money on someone won't help this decision.
2.  How do you treat your parents and siblings? Do you often lose your self-control with them, perhaps using harsh or sarcastic language to make a point? What would they say about you in that regard? How you deal with family members indicates how you will treat a mate. 
 3. Are you positive or pessimistic? Are you reasonable, or do you always insist on doing things a certain way—your way? Can you keep calm when under pressure? Are you patient? Cultivating the fruitage of God’s spirit now will help you prepare for being a husband or a wife later.
4. How well do you handle money? Are you often in debt? Can you hold down a job? If not, why not? Is it because of the job? The employer? Or is it because of some habit or trait that you need to work on? If you have trouble handling your own finances, how will you manage those of a family?​
5.  The more you understand yourself, the better equipped you will be to find someone who will amplify your strengths rather than your weaknesses. Double standards happy for a reason, perhaps its just two imperfect people trying to protect themselves or could it be that people don't really have the best intentions from the jump? Who goes out to purchase a house and they have no money........
I am WarD......

How to loose your mate without even trying......

Is your partner unreasonably jealous? Or are you the one in the relationship that feels jealous when your mate focuses on other people or interests? Whoever is the one that exhibits this behavior, jealousy is a toxic emotion that, when carried too far, can destroy a relationship.
Contrary to what media portrays in romantic movies, jealousy is not love. Jealousy stems from insecurity. The jealous partner does not feel they are “enough” for their partner. Low self esteem makes them perceive other people as threats to the relationship.They, in turn, try to control the partner by preventing them from having any outside friendships or hobbies. This is not a healthy behavior and will doom the relationship eventually. I like to call this slow motion relationship suicide.
It all begins with poor self-esteem. The jealous person does not feel a sense of innate worth.
A jealous partner (lets use the female for this example) might harbor unrealistic expectations about marriage. She might have grown up on the fantasy of marriage, thinking wedded life would be like she saw in magazines and movies. She might think that “Forsake all others” includes friendships and hobbies, too. Her expectations about what a relationship is are not grounded in reality. She doesn’t understand that it is good for a marriage for each spouse to have their own outside interests.
The jealous partner feels a sense of ownership and possessiveness towards their partner and refuses to allow the partner free agency for fear that that freedom will allow them to find “someone better.”
They think that by remaining alert (jealous) they can prevent the situation from repeating itself. They don’t realize that this irrational behavior is toxic to the relationship and can result in driving the partner away, which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The jealous thinking actually creates the very situation that the afflicted person is trying to avoid. When ever someone says that they are not trying to do something, that is exactly what they are doing. 1). I am not trying to argue with you  (as they are yelling) 2 I don't want to hurt you as they cut you etc...  Don't get it twisted, because a small amount of jealousy isssssss normal; most people state that they feel a twinge of jealousy when their partner talks about an old love or maintains innocent friendships with members of the opposite sex. But excessive jealousy is abnormal and can even lead to dangerous behavior such as that displayed by deranged women on lifetime movies. The jealous partner is not merely jealous of their partner’s friendships. The object of jealousy can be time spent at work, or indulging in a weekend hobby or just hanging with his kids. It is basically any situation where the jealous person cannot control the circumstances and therefore feels threatened. Yes, it is crazy. And it is very damaging, as the innocent mate can do little to reassure the jealous mate that there is no threat “there.”
Too much jealousy will wear down even the best of relationships, as it soaks into all aspects of the relationship. The jealous partner requires constant reassurance that the imagined threat is not real. The jealous partner may resort to sneaky behaviors, such as monitoring social media accounts, hacking their email account, going through their phone and reading text messages, or following them to see where they are “really” going. They may belittle the partner’s friends, family or work associates. These behaviors have no place in a healthy relationship and the jealous person will certainly deny their negative actions. Its easier to allow people to think they are cool then  point out the source of complaints.
The non-jealous partner finds themselves in a continual state of defensiveness, having to account for every move made when not with their partner. I talked to so many couples that are just a few steps away from getting it right but they fail to realize what makes the situation work. It seems that it comes down to who will back down first, forget who is right or wrong. Wallace told me that as a black man, he feels especially angry with his woman, because she doesn't realize what he endures in a day at work,  only to return home to have to fuss and fight with her over some petty issues. I understand what he is saying. Its like he is saying that he wants a best friend who is easy to love not some a live in competitor who has a smart mouth and a bad attitude. So what is the solution??
I would suggest considering this: Accept that jealous is damaging your relationship and focus on what you can do. Consider if the negative behavior is or is not based on anything factual or is it a feeling? Give up the need to control your mate. Stop stalking your mate and rebuild your sense of self worth by applying positive activities in your life (www.jw.org). At the end of the day we are what we do. If you want a good relationship, you must do the opposite of what you doing now. 
I am WarD.....



 

Online dating in 2018.......Does it Work??????

YOU would really like to meet someone​—someone you can get to know, someone you might want to marry. But, thus far, none of your efforts to find someone like that have worked out. Attempts by well-meaning friends and family to set you up with someone have done nothing but embarrass you and have left you more discouraged than ever. I watched a young women search for love on a life Facebook show and she is still very single!!! So you are wondering if maybe you should turn to the Internet for help.

In this age of the computer, finding a compatible mate may seem to be just a few clicks away. All you have to do, some say, is log on to a Web site, chat room, or bulletin board that has been specially designed for singles. The New York Times reports that in one month in the United States alone, 45 million people visited on-line dating Web sites. One Internet matchmaker claims to have more than nine million people using its service in 240 countries, isn't that crazy, but love is big business!!!Are you shy or claim to be so, and do you find it difficult to meet people? Do you fear rejection? Or do you simply feel there is a lack of potential marriage mates in the area where you live? Then computer dating may appeal to you. For one thing, on-line matchmaking services promise you control over your “dates.” Search boxes that display age groups, countries  of residence, personality profiles, pictures, and anonymous screen names are provided. Armed with the power of choice, it may seem that dating on-line is more efficient and less stressful than face-to-face encounters.

What is the reality? Does dating in cyberspace really lead to lasting happiness? Well, consider this: During a six-year period, one matchmaking service had 11 million subscribers. Yet, only 1,475 marriages took place among them. Another dating service with over a million members listed only 75 confirmed marriages! What is wrong with this trend? Are the so- called expert wrong? Popular shows like Love at First Flight, 90 Day Fiancé, Marriage at First Sight and the Dating Game have more than enough suitors.

“On the Internet,everyone tends to be attractive, honest, and successful.” But how realistic is the information people provide about themselves? Another news article put it this way: “It is taken for granted that everyone lies a little.” An editor of a popular teen magazine did some personal research into this claim. She joined three of the most popular dating Web sites and shortly received a number of responses. These led to dates with several men. The result? Real failures! The men had blatantly lied about themselves. She warned: “Based on my experience, they lie.”

Misrepresenting one’s height or weight may seem like a little thing. ‘Looks are not that important,’ some may argue. True, the Bible itself says that “charm may be false, and prettiness may be vain.” (Proverbs 31:30)  Time and time again has shown by its results the answer by its results.

Dating in cyberspace, though, often involves unrealistic fantasies. A report in Newsweek makes this observation: “Users can carefully edit their e-mails and present themselves in the most flattering way. . . . The result is a positive-feedback loop: they seem nice and interested in you, so you’re nice and interested in them.” As a professor at New York’s Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute who studies on-line relationships observes, a strong attachment may form very readily in such circumstances. Yet, as often noted, this can’t be counted on to lead to a happy marriage. One man wrote about his experiences with on-line dating: “It’s a trap. Your imagination fills in the blanks with exactly what you want.”

Some may believe, however, that the lack of personal contact has distinct advantages. They may feel that on-line dating allows couples to focus on what a prospective partner is like on the inside without being distracted by personal appearance. True, the Bible encourages us to focus on a person’s inner qualities. Yet, the problem is that in a computer relationship, you cannot observe gestures, smiles, or countenance. You cannot see  how he or she treats others or behaves under pressure. And such things are critical in determining if he or she is someone you can come to trust and love. Read the Bible’s description of love found at 1 Corinthians 13:4, 5. Notice that love is defined by behavior, not words. You must therefore take the time to observe a person to see if his or her actions and words match.

Lacking such vital information, couples often start sharing intimate feelings and thoughts early in the courtship. Throwing caution to the wind, some couples hastily make serious romantic commitments, even though they hardly know each other. An article entitled “On the Internet, Love Really Is Blind” tells of two people 8,000 miles apart who met on-line. Three weeks later they met in person. “She wore heavy eye mascara,” said the man. “I don’t date women who wear mascara.” The relationship quickly ended. The results of another in-person meeting were so disappointing that the man, who had paid for the visit, canceled the return portion of the woman’s airline ticket!

A young woman named Yvette recalls her own experience with on-line dating. She says: “The relationship was too good to be true. We were planning on getting married.” But when they saw each other in person, the relationship completely flopped. “Mr. Fort Wayne was not what I expected but was critical and a had epilepsy. It was just not going to work.” One week later the relationship broke off, leaving Yvette totally disillusioned.

In the fantasy world of computer dating, emotions can become intense prematurely. This can leave you vulnerable to emotional devastation if the relationship does not work out​—as is likely. “He that is trusting in his own heart is stupid,” warns Proverbs 28:26. Yes, it is unwise (straight Stupid)  to make serious decisions based upon fantasy and emotion. But don't take my word for it, in the words of NIKE, just do it!!!!

Rushing into a relationship when you know little about each other is certainly unwise. Sadly, many of those engaging in Internet dating have found that to be true. After corresponding with someone for just one month Ashlee, hoped that she had found the answer to her desire for a partner. Despite making plans for marriage​—even arranging to obtain engagement rings—​her hurried relationship ended in “great sorrow.” Usher calls this letting it BURN.....

Major disappointment and hurt feelings are not the only dangers you might face in computer dating. Some have lost money, time and hope of a real love in time. I do know that some couples have been successful with computer love, but those couples both had the true GOD in their relationship. That is the one key that most companies exclude. Let me know if you know otherwise.

I am WarD.....