Ways women can destroy a marriage...............quickly

“I just can’t take it anymore!”
 Have you ever heard people say that about their marriage? If you are married (or now a days- been dating someone for double digits years), have you at some time had a similar feeling?
THOUSANDS of couples began married life in the warm glow of love—or in the heat of passion—and expected happiness to follow. “But by the time they  seek help, they have already reached the depths of despair,” in my opinion. “They have become disillusioned with their partner, with marriage, with love, and sometimes even with life.” Many of those couples have little more in common than a marriage certificate and the dwelling they share. I know we often attack the male about what he is doing wrong considering he is the head of the house, but today let us focus on 4 typical types of females that destroy relationships.  ((* The women seldom realize that this is them on purpose.))
1. A Dismissive Woman (Definition = feeling or showing that something is unworthy of consideration.)
 A dismissive woman devalues or diminishes her man's preferences, opinions or desires. Sometimes you’ll hear a dismissive woman turning the conversation back to herself, (“Yes, but what about my needs?”) or failing to really consider the desire (“That’s just not practical/realistic/happening in this lifetime.”) or even shaming the need (“Oh, for heaven’s sake, you’re not one of the children! Grow up.”).

 Why is this “bad”? When a woman unilaterally dismisses her partner’s need or preference, her husband feels rejected, unloved and unimportant. He may not say it, but he feels it. Plain and simple, it hurts. Overtime its not surprising to see the men pull further and further away from the love or the relationship all together.
Does this mean a wife should be at her husband’s beck and call, ready to fulfill every desire? Absolutely not! It does mean, though, that she genuinely cares about her partner’s feelings and wants to meet his needs when she can. Men really enjoy women that support his decisions as the family head in a loving way!!!
2. An Undependable Woman  (Definition= not trustworthy or reliable)
The first description of an excellent wife is listed at Proverbs chapter 31:11 (NWT)  "Her husband trusts her from his heart,And he lacks nothing of value."  The NIV says “Her husband has full confidence in her.” Oweee, I felt a chill run down my spine when I typed that verse!
You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure out that if a good wife is trustworthy, a bad wife isn’t.
If you’re considering marrying a woman whose integrity you question, let me offer you a friendly piece of advice: RUN, don't walk sucka!!!
A dependable woman can be trusted to be faithful to her man, responsible in her decisions, and wise with their children or step children. She’ll hang on with you through the tough times and hold on to you in the good. She’s honest and she’s honorable. She doesn’t withhold the truth; she upholds the truth. Even in small matter (no double talking or saying this and saying later that she meant something else!! You are not a mind reader but a person who can hear with you say. This type of woman enriches the life of everyone around her—most of all, her husband!!!!!
3. A Disrespectful Woman ( You already know this woman)

Disrespect doesn’t always come in the form of words. It can come with a look: eye rolling, a shaking head, or a deep sigh (especially when a question is asked that she doesn't want to answer). It can be an attempt to control, to mother or to demean a husband. These actions send the same message: You’re an idiot. I don’t respect you.
God gives only one command directed to wives: “ the wife should have deep respect for her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33).  In healthy, life-giving marriages, wives respect their husbands and husbands love their wives. God’s plan is a win for both sides.
Are some men are easier to respect than others? That's obvious sucka. But every healthy relationship, both inside and outside of marriage—every single one—is built on the foundation of respect. Without respect relationships crumble.

4. A Discouraging Woman (causing someone to lose confidence or enthusiasm; depressing).
 
There are two relational truths many women fail to understand:
Truth 1: At the heart of every good man is the desire to please his wife.
Truth 2: It’s very challenging, at best, to stay emotionally, physically and spiritually connected to a person who consistently makes you feel discouraged… especially if that person is your wife.
This is why the discouraging wife can be so lethal to a life-giving marriage. The discouraging woman makes her man feel like he can’t do or say anything right, no matter how hard he tries. In the inner recess of her mind she’s thinks I would like him more if he… Her unspoken goal is change this sucka. She might use criticism or smerks when a reality tv show is on with someone acting like she does (not the healthy, constructive type). She may complain often. She may name call, nitpick, or try and control him by playing inch high private eye on his electronic devices. No matter how her discouragement manifests itself, the outcome is the same: Her husband usually feels worse in her presence than better. (Notice Ephesians 4:29 = Let a rotten word not come out of your mouth, but only what is good for building up as the need may be, to impart what is beneficial to the hearers)

This isn’t to say a wife can’t disagree or express disappointment. It doesn’t mean wives can’t have hard conversations. It does mean, though, that we learn the art of having hard conversations without being hard-heated.
*Please note that there are many women out here who are dearly loved by their men. Those are the one's who learn their role and encourage their men to be better with trust in the LORD and love.
I am Ward....

Ain't nobody got time for all that????

BACK in the days of Sir Stamford Raffles, the founder of the British port of Singapore, it was not unusual for him to wait a whole year for an answer to one of his dispatches to London. But that was the 19th century. Today such wonders as communications satellites allow instantaneous communication to virtually any spot on earth.
It is ironic, however, that while man can so easily communicate with someone on another continent, he is often a failure when it comes to communicating with members of his own family. Skyrocketing divorce rates bear grim testimony to this fact. Little wonder, then, that in one study of “happy” and “unhappy” couples, the researchers drew this conclusion: “The prime need in many troubled marriages is for better ways of communicating between the partners.” But how many families really commune—that is, talk intimately “with great mental or spiritual depth,” as one dictionary defines the word? Often there is little or no meeting of minds, still less of hearts. Why, though, has this breakdown come about?
The Communication Breakdown: Its Causes
Many are the factors that have worked against the quality of family life. Prior to industrialization, “work” was more or less a family operation, but now this has changed. In most parts of the world, a man must spend long hours working away from home to make a living. A sagging world economy has forced many women to do likewise. Children are thus often entrusted to paid caretakers or left to fend for themselves. Schools have taken over the entire job of educating children—a job that in times past was primarily the responsibility of parents. Technology—the same tool that has so improved communications—has at times worked to debilitate family life.
Before the days of radios, TVs, stereos, videotape recorders, and video games, family members often spent time talking with one another. But the present glut of such gadgets has all but killed the art of conversation in some families. The report of the National Institute of Mental Health (U.S.A.) entitled Television and Behavior states: “Family gatherings by the fireplace or at the dinner table now seem to have given way to gatherings in front of the television set.” Particularly disturbing was the finding that in the United States, “families spend about half their waking hours at home watching television.” And the tragic fact is that, in many families, when the TV is switched on, the family switches off; conversation sinks to a low level.
The result? Family life becomes shallow. Fellowship ebbs and family members inevitably drift apart. But for a family to be united, bound by the ties of understanding and love, there has to be communion of minds and hearts. Family members that enjoy such communication can upbuild one another to withstand the strains of a tense, troubled society. How, though, can a family cultivate such closeness? Advice abounds from many sources, but the best advice can only be found in the Bible.....
I am WarD....

Do you want a great marriage.......Read on

Relationships are like muscles. If you want them to be strong and able to with stand the pressures of life, then you have to exercise them regularly. Of course, there are no cookie cutter guides for happy marriages, but there are a few things that we can do to help get us going on a mental work out.
1}. Describe what you want to have in your marriage?  
Simply begin by seeing yourself where you want to be in your marriage. If you can't imagine it, then it presumably will not happen, its totally up to you!
2}. What would it take for him/her to be satisfied with you?
Some people look better coming, while others look better just going far-far-far away (Out by Shreks house in the forest-lol). If you find your self in endless arguments about things that younger kids wouldn't not even debate over, you may not be satisfying your mate.
3}. If your marriage were really good tomorrow, how would you know?
Could it be the things you have been asking them to do for years and now they finally heard you? Did you guys have a great time at an event? Do you really love each other????
4}. What do you want for your marriage and what are you willing to do to get there?
Consider going to the airport and asking for a ticket. The attendant will ask where would you like to go? If you don't know where you want to go, chances are pretty good that they won't know either? We ask our selves the tough questions and find the answers. Easier said than done!
5}. If Wardy were to ask you these questions....How would you answer?????
      A). What are you DOING to mess up your marriage?
      B).  How do you show your mate that you love him/her daily?
      C).  What does you mate like most about you and you like most about them?
6}. What are you needs and is your spouse aware of them? 



*A Wife tends to find her husband irresistible when he:
  1). Learns to create an environment of affection that clearly and repeatedly expresses his love 4 her.
  2). Sets aside time every day just to talk to her with undivided attention and interest.
  3). Is completely honest and open with her
  4). Provides financial support for her
  5). Helps her develope a strong relationship with Jehovah God

* A Husband tends to find his wife irresistible when she:
    1). When she is submissive to him and willingly follows his headship/love what he loves!
    2). Maintains overall appearance in a way that he finds physically attractive (hair/clothes/workout.)
    3). Understand and appreciates him more than anyone else in the world #respect
    4). Manages household responsibility well (cooking-bills-decorating-frugal with funds)
    5). She allows the mind of  Christ to mold her in a beautiful woman (Proverbs Chapter 31)

We face two life choices: A). Move  or B). Be moved!

I am WarD........

Double Standards of Dating......

A double standard is the application of different sets of principles for similar situations. A double standard may take the form of an instance in which certain concepts (often, for example, a word, phrase, social norm, or rule) are perceived as acceptable to be applied by one group of people, but are considered unacceptable—taboo—when applied by another group and in this case, its about how men and women have two sets of rules for the same dang thang?
I wanted this post to be very realistic, so I researched a few responses of what people actually think about this photo on my blog today. See below!!!


..."Nope!!!If he is making rules on when he's going to spend money on me, I'll pass I don't need to prove that I'm worthy of him to spend money on , If he placing these types of tests early on, what type of other stuff is he going to throw at me later? I have dated single fathers who didn't have money and I was more than happy to go on free dates or even treat them every once in a while".

... "NO WAY!!! When a man really wants a woman he puts all his money, time and effort. Men are hunters. If he is not putting any effort to impress you his is just buying time until he gets something better!".

..."Someone has to pay.....and I'm definitely not going to pay".


..."Definitely, I would love to see how creative he is!".


...."Yep we'll be doing all the free things like no kissing, no touching  and no sex talk because all those things require money".

....."Of course, because it doesn't take money to get to know someone".

..."If a man thinks I'm just using him for his money right off the bat, then don't date me. I'll do things mutually for someone I care about. Buy them gifts. Or offer to pay for things. But I would like to be taken out and courted and for the man to pay".

..."Sounds like a cheap controlling sucker to me. Nope, he isn't the one for me."

..."This ain't nothing new. Most black men ain't spending money on a chick no way."

I personally think that double standards are prevalent in most unhealthy relationships with damaging results like contributing to the high divorce rate in today's society. Its true that men do some things better than most women like fix cars or handy stuff around the house, but women tend to be better multi-taskers. The key is finding balance and using a mind that is focused deep in logic as well as love. Considering that most people who date have not ever had a course in courtship or relationship expectations, we can be fairly sure that conflict will certainly be a staple in these new situations. I came up with a few areas of double standard reduction- By knowing THY SELF 1st!
1. Dating should have an honorable purpose—to help a young man and woman determine if they want to get married to each other. Spending money on someone won't help this decision.
2.  How do you treat your parents and siblings? Do you often lose your self-control with them, perhaps using harsh or sarcastic language to make a point? What would they say about you in that regard? How you deal with family members indicates how you will treat a mate. 
 3. Are you positive or pessimistic? Are you reasonable, or do you always insist on doing things a certain way—your way? Can you keep calm when under pressure? Are you patient? Cultivating the fruitage of God’s spirit now will help you prepare for being a husband or a wife later.
4. How well do you handle money? Are you often in debt? Can you hold down a job? If not, why not? Is it because of the job? The employer? Or is it because of some habit or trait that you need to work on? If you have trouble handling your own finances, how will you manage those of a family?​
5.  The more you understand yourself, the better equipped you will be to find someone who will amplify your strengths rather than your weaknesses. Double standards happy for a reason, perhaps its just two imperfect people trying to protect themselves or could it be that people don't really have the best intentions from the jump? Who goes out to purchase a house and they have no money........
I am WarD......

How to loose your mate without even trying......

Is your partner unreasonably jealous? Or are you the one in the relationship that feels jealous when your mate focuses on other people or interests? Whoever is the one that exhibits this behavior, jealousy is a toxic emotion that, when carried too far, can destroy a relationship.
Contrary to what media portrays in romantic movies, jealousy is not love. Jealousy stems from insecurity. The jealous partner does not feel they are “enough” for their partner. Low self esteem makes them perceive other people as threats to the relationship.They, in turn, try to control the partner by preventing them from having any outside friendships or hobbies. This is not a healthy behavior and will doom the relationship eventually. I like to call this slow motion relationship suicide.
It all begins with poor self-esteem. The jealous person does not feel a sense of innate worth.
A jealous partner (lets use the female for this example) might harbor unrealistic expectations about marriage. She might have grown up on the fantasy of marriage, thinking wedded life would be like she saw in magazines and movies. She might think that “Forsake all others” includes friendships and hobbies, too. Her expectations about what a relationship is are not grounded in reality. She doesn’t understand that it is good for a marriage for each spouse to have their own outside interests.
The jealous partner feels a sense of ownership and possessiveness towards their partner and refuses to allow the partner free agency for fear that that freedom will allow them to find “someone better.”
They think that by remaining alert (jealous) they can prevent the situation from repeating itself. They don’t realize that this irrational behavior is toxic to the relationship and can result in driving the partner away, which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The jealous thinking actually creates the very situation that the afflicted person is trying to avoid. When ever someone says that they are not trying to do something, that is exactly what they are doing. 1). I am not trying to argue with you  (as they are yelling) 2 I don't want to hurt you as they cut you etc...  Don't get it twisted, because a small amount of jealousy isssssss normal; most people state that they feel a twinge of jealousy when their partner talks about an old love or maintains innocent friendships with members of the opposite sex. But excessive jealousy is abnormal and can even lead to dangerous behavior such as that displayed by deranged women on lifetime movies. The jealous partner is not merely jealous of their partner’s friendships. The object of jealousy can be time spent at work, or indulging in a weekend hobby or just hanging with his kids. It is basically any situation where the jealous person cannot control the circumstances and therefore feels threatened. Yes, it is crazy. And it is very damaging, as the innocent mate can do little to reassure the jealous mate that there is no threat “there.”
Too much jealousy will wear down even the best of relationships, as it soaks into all aspects of the relationship. The jealous partner requires constant reassurance that the imagined threat is not real. The jealous partner may resort to sneaky behaviors, such as monitoring social media accounts, hacking their email account, going through their phone and reading text messages, or following them to see where they are “really” going. They may belittle the partner’s friends, family or work associates. These behaviors have no place in a healthy relationship and the jealous person will certainly deny their negative actions. Its easier to allow people to think they are cool then  point out the source of complaints.
The non-jealous partner finds themselves in a continual state of defensiveness, having to account for every move made when not with their partner. I talked to so many couples that are just a few steps away from getting it right but they fail to realize what makes the situation work. It seems that it comes down to who will back down first, forget who is right or wrong. Wallace told me that as a black man, he feels especially angry with his woman, because she doesn't realize what he endures in a day at work,  only to return home to have to fuss and fight with her over some petty issues. I understand what he is saying. Its like he is saying that he wants a best friend who is easy to love not some a live in competitor who has a smart mouth and a bad attitude. So what is the solution??
I would suggest considering this: Accept that jealous is damaging your relationship and focus on what you can do. Consider if the negative behavior is or is not based on anything factual or is it a feeling? Give up the need to control your mate. Stop stalking your mate and rebuild your sense of self worth by applying positive activities in your life (www.jw.org). At the end of the day we are what we do. If you want a good relationship, you must do the opposite of what you doing now. 
I am WarD.....



 

Online dating in 2018.......Does it Work??????

YOU would really like to meet someone​—someone you can get to know, someone you might want to marry. But, thus far, none of your efforts to find someone like that have worked out. Attempts by well-meaning friends and family to set you up with someone have done nothing but embarrass you and have left you more discouraged than ever. I watched a young women search for love on a life Facebook show and she is still very single!!! So you are wondering if maybe you should turn to the Internet for help.

In this age of the computer, finding a compatible mate may seem to be just a few clicks away. All you have to do, some say, is log on to a Web site, chat room, or bulletin board that has been specially designed for singles. The New York Times reports that in one month in the United States alone, 45 million people visited on-line dating Web sites. One Internet matchmaker claims to have more than nine million people using its service in 240 countries, isn't that crazy, but love is big business!!!Are you shy or claim to be so, and do you find it difficult to meet people? Do you fear rejection? Or do you simply feel there is a lack of potential marriage mates in the area where you live? Then computer dating may appeal to you. For one thing, on-line matchmaking services promise you control over your “dates.” Search boxes that display age groups, countries  of residence, personality profiles, pictures, and anonymous screen names are provided. Armed with the power of choice, it may seem that dating on-line is more efficient and less stressful than face-to-face encounters.

What is the reality? Does dating in cyberspace really lead to lasting happiness? Well, consider this: During a six-year period, one matchmaking service had 11 million subscribers. Yet, only 1,475 marriages took place among them. Another dating service with over a million members listed only 75 confirmed marriages! What is wrong with this trend? Are the so- called expert wrong? Popular shows like Love at First Flight, 90 Day Fiancé, Marriage at First Sight and the Dating Game have more than enough suitors.

“On the Internet,everyone tends to be attractive, honest, and successful.” But how realistic is the information people provide about themselves? Another news article put it this way: “It is taken for granted that everyone lies a little.” An editor of a popular teen magazine did some personal research into this claim. She joined three of the most popular dating Web sites and shortly received a number of responses. These led to dates with several men. The result? Real failures! The men had blatantly lied about themselves. She warned: “Based on my experience, they lie.”

Misrepresenting one’s height or weight may seem like a little thing. ‘Looks are not that important,’ some may argue. True, the Bible itself says that “charm may be false, and prettiness may be vain.” (Proverbs 31:30)  Time and time again has shown by its results the answer by its results.

Dating in cyberspace, though, often involves unrealistic fantasies. A report in Newsweek makes this observation: “Users can carefully edit their e-mails and present themselves in the most flattering way. . . . The result is a positive-feedback loop: they seem nice and interested in you, so you’re nice and interested in them.” As a professor at New York’s Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute who studies on-line relationships observes, a strong attachment may form very readily in such circumstances. Yet, as often noted, this can’t be counted on to lead to a happy marriage. One man wrote about his experiences with on-line dating: “It’s a trap. Your imagination fills in the blanks with exactly what you want.”

Some may believe, however, that the lack of personal contact has distinct advantages. They may feel that on-line dating allows couples to focus on what a prospective partner is like on the inside without being distracted by personal appearance. True, the Bible encourages us to focus on a person’s inner qualities. Yet, the problem is that in a computer relationship, you cannot observe gestures, smiles, or countenance. You cannot see  how he or she treats others or behaves under pressure. And such things are critical in determining if he or she is someone you can come to trust and love. Read the Bible’s description of love found at 1 Corinthians 13:4, 5. Notice that love is defined by behavior, not words. You must therefore take the time to observe a person to see if his or her actions and words match.

Lacking such vital information, couples often start sharing intimate feelings and thoughts early in the courtship. Throwing caution to the wind, some couples hastily make serious romantic commitments, even though they hardly know each other. An article entitled “On the Internet, Love Really Is Blind” tells of two people 8,000 miles apart who met on-line. Three weeks later they met in person. “She wore heavy eye mascara,” said the man. “I don’t date women who wear mascara.” The relationship quickly ended. The results of another in-person meeting were so disappointing that the man, who had paid for the visit, canceled the return portion of the woman’s airline ticket!

A young woman named Yvette recalls her own experience with on-line dating. She says: “The relationship was too good to be true. We were planning on getting married.” But when they saw each other in person, the relationship completely flopped. “Mr. Fort Wayne was not what I expected but was critical and a had epilepsy. It was just not going to work.” One week later the relationship broke off, leaving Yvette totally disillusioned.

In the fantasy world of computer dating, emotions can become intense prematurely. This can leave you vulnerable to emotional devastation if the relationship does not work out​—as is likely. “He that is trusting in his own heart is stupid,” warns Proverbs 28:26. Yes, it is unwise (straight Stupid)  to make serious decisions based upon fantasy and emotion. But don't take my word for it, in the words of NIKE, just do it!!!!

Rushing into a relationship when you know little about each other is certainly unwise. Sadly, many of those engaging in Internet dating have found that to be true. After corresponding with someone for just one month Ashlee, hoped that she had found the answer to her desire for a partner. Despite making plans for marriage​—even arranging to obtain engagement rings—​her hurried relationship ended in “great sorrow.” Usher calls this letting it BURN.....

Major disappointment and hurt feelings are not the only dangers you might face in computer dating. Some have lost money, time and hope of a real love in time. I do know that some couples have been successful with computer love, but those couples both had the true GOD in their relationship. That is the one key that most companies exclude. Let me know if you know otherwise.

I am WarD.....