How long term daters see marriage!

 

I am unsure if it’s the man or the woman, but society has got some twisted views on marriage.  No matter how you look at it, Marriage is an institution created by our heavenly father……. meaning a union between 1 man and 1 woman to live together as 1 (same last name and respecting all local requirements) able to enjoy intimate relations and/or having children added to their union if so desired.

However, a common situation I find is that a couple (if that’s what you want to call them) will date forever and then get married only to divorce quickly.  I liken this to an employee working at a fairly good company where they give 100% daily, being loyal -even when the competition is paying more money and a few extras. The employee is expecting to one day become partner or at the very least being Vice President.  How does one feel if that day takes years to come or even worse…….it never comes?  Heck sometimes the company will bring in someone from the outside to be boss/replacement.  I asked my cousin Carla her views on dating her dude Marlin for 6 years and no wedding ring. Below is what her words………

““He doesn’t want to make me a wife, but he wants me to have his baby. He wants me to give up my whole life without him honoring” me” with a wedding.  Men these days, I just don’t get them. They want to date for years and years without having to indefinitely commit to a woman with vows of love. Is the price of a ring that much? Is getting on 1 knee that difficult? Or is til death do us part too long? Why is it that men are OK with being committed to dating forever, but are not as comfortable with coming to marriage forever?

Most of the committed boyfriend/girlfriend relationships I see are more comfortable with being monogamous and intimate, living together, and even making a baby, before the man takes the first steps towards marriage. As a woman living in a patriarchal society, I still see that men get their needs fulfilled way before women ever get theirs. If you ask any young woman (who hasn’t yet been traumatized by the by heartbreaks) most likely her goal is to someday walk down the aisle. If you ask any man, I ‘m sure he would 1^st rather sow his royal oats and enjoy the forbidden fruit before he ever settles down with a woman. It seems to me that men are winning.  Men get what they want in a relationship before the woman gets what she DESERVES.

Many times a woman has to give up her body to pleasure her man and sacrifice her body to bear his children before a man is finally ready to get on that one knee!!! Why can’t men recognize the treasure they have in a women before she pretty much gives up her LIFE for him? If I am not mistaken, men these days are not reflecting the love they should reflect onto their women. Men are requiring a lot more work on our end, before they show their unconditional love and respect to us!......””

I wasn't surprised at Carla's response because as I said, its common for society to think this type of situation is not harmful to the union. In fact, studies show that couples have a greater propensity to divorce after an extended dating period because practice doesn't make you get wore at something: You actually get better!!! So if your man is use to running the streets and do things void of your presence don't think a piece of paper (marriage license) is going to suddenly allow you two to become the perfect couple. 

I sure am glad that employers don't make employees wait years before becoming a regular employee! Looks like the employer has more faith in the you than your lover has in you?

No relationship is perfect especially my own, but at some point it might behoove the couple to move 4ward or move on! Heck, a lot of men are more loyal to their favorite ball team than to the woman they lie down with. Everything in our lives is a reflection of a choices we have made. If you/me want a different results, simply make a different choices suckerz. But as life has taught me today, change is very hard and sometimes down right impossible for some people. In conclusion, I honestly feel that if the couple hasn't decided after 1 year of dating that they want to get married, then one of them is waiting on something or someone better to come along............ IJS

I am Ward.....