During a recent conversation I was asked about a couple that has issues relating to each other. I thought about it and immediately knew that if this couple in question doesn't get it together and get it together fast- it might spell doom! Like you, I have had my share of strange and questionable relationships and it seems to be the same common thread among all of them that is similar to other couples. This is some reasons I feel relationships end.......
1. Old Fears Surface.
It's to be expected that being in an intimate relationship will inevitable bring up fears and challenges from the past. These might include fearing not being good enough, attractive enough etc. If fears are not expected, looked at and healed, they interfere in some way or another with the health of every relationship. Take some time to notice when the fears surface, be loving with yourself but look inward instead of outward blaming your partner for what clearly is "YOUR" issue.
Ask yourself if your fears are "true" or are you just making "stories" up in your head. If you are creating those "stories" and there's no basis of truth to them, then change your thinking. It's not always easy to do and it takes moment by moment monitoring of your thoughts. If you need help and support to make the changes you want in your life,then go to a dang head doctor and quit driving us crazy along with you.....
You may not have healed your broken heart from past relationships that ended and you find it very difficult to trust your current partner or open your heart completely to him or her. We suggest that you stop living from the hurt of those past relationships and bring yourself into the present moment, without continuing the "stories" of the past. Commit to starting over, allowing your fears to be there but reminding yourself that this is a new day. (Yes you know who you are).
2. Not Feeling Understood, Valued, Loved and Appreciated.
Everyone wants to feel understood, valued, loved and appreciated and when we're not, we tend to either withdraw or attack the other person for not meeting our needs. If you want to be appreciated, start appreciating the other people in your life. Sounds basic but it really works!
If you are not feeling loved, start being open to seeing and feeling love and appreciation that people are giving you that you may not be aware of in your daily life. It may be that someone allows you to go ahead of them in traffic or ask you out to lunch! Just take your freaking wall of doubt down for a while...geesh!
3. Not Making their Relationship a Priority.
Many couples take each other for granted and don't give their relationship the attention it needs most of the time. The lack of closeness and connection can be overwhelming and can cause great loneliness. Make your relationship a priority in your life. Set aside time everyday to connect with your partner.
Wardy believes that intimacy happens long before the bedroom. It starts all day long when you have thoughts about your partner--Are these thoughts positive or negative? It continues when you come together--Are you happy to see each other and express love and appreciation or do you great each other with a laundry list of chores, things to be done or grievances? This isn't loving...trust me bruh!
4. One or Both People are Made to Feel They are "Wrong."
I learned that 1 of the biggest mistakes people make is that they make each other wrong. As soon as critical words are said, defenses and walls go up and suddenly that person who you love and they love you becomes an "enemy."
Before you jump into blaming and judging your partner (I call it tit for tat), stop and take a moment to breathe. Ask yourself if making your partner wrong will drive you further apart or move you closer together (that was deep). Open your heart to understanding the dynamics of what's going on between the two of you. Understand the full story before you start making someone wrong. So often we assume to know what is in someone's heart and we really don't. For example calling someone a liar is similar to slapping someone across the face says "Oprah".....
5. Not healing your heart after a previous relationship breakup
Many people go from relationship to relationship without truly healing their hearts. They never discover what went wrong in their previous relationship and what they could have done differently. They keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again and always expect a different outcome which is the definition of insanity! How many times have you seen the girl/guy date the same womanizer, abuser or crack head?
Wardy suggest that you take the time to heal your broken heart and your attachment to being a victim, in being right or whatever holds you to a previous relationship. Spend some energy in taking responsibility for what happened, forgiving yourself and your previous partner, and deciding what you want to change in YOUR FreAKING life.
I am unsure if this information applies to your directly but then again you proably still stuck in the cycle that I call da "circle"-- so it is what it is.......
I am Ward..........
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