Alone but not Lonely.......A male's perspective

I can say for the most part that men are universally the same which makes this entry very easy to write. As I sat in a room full of men the other men during a recent orientation, I looked at each of them and wondered what they actually knew about themselves or their women. I made it my mission to befriend them and find out if people can be in love or alone but not lonely! For time sake I will only discuss tw subjects.
Male #1' name is Detroit. (That is his real name too!) He is a 38 year old African male who has been dating the same girl for the last 7 years and her name is Mona. After a few moments of male bonding over football he became an open honest book about anything I wanted to know about him. I told him that I write about relationships and could use his experiences for research. He was down, and told me how he met his lovely with a frown on his face ( a sign that usually means he now regrets it- a smile when flashing back is a good thing!)Detroit said they met while at Superbowl party at his friends house. Mona didn't like him right off presumably because he stepped on her foot in the kitchen. He spent the whole night apologizing to her and they ended up exchanging numbers. Fast forward 7 years later and they are living 2 geather and he is miserable. He didn't know she did not know how to cook, keep a clean house, control her temper or let the man take the lead. They had numerous fights over these issues and it seems to have driven a wedge between them that still exists to this day. Detroit says he loves or what he thinks based on their situation, but he said the first chance he finds someone he really vibes with, he is outta there! I asked was he lonely, and Detroit said he would not call it lonely, rather bidding out his time. I think that is a typical guy don't you?
Male #2's name is Danny. He is a 41 year old African American male who is divorced and currently living with his new woman. According to Danny, (Amy) she is extra jealous and worried that he is cheating on her. I asked why she be that way? Because every other guy she dated cheated on her so she thinks since she loves him so much that he must be going to follow the pattern that she has been following. Danny stays with that woman because he is skerd to date someone new. He feels that he is outta shape, receding hair line and tons of bills. Danny say emotionally she with holds affection if she thinks he is lusting after women on t.v. commericals, listening to music of pretty women like Janet Jackson or Beyonce! She has the ability to make his yell and scream at the top of his voice when he gets to his point. Danny said finally saying this out loud helps him to realize how stupid it sounds. He said that she is so jealous that they paid $500 bucks to take a lie detector test that proved he wasn't cheating and he passed! Amy still said he was cheating because the machine was probably broke???????? I started to slap Danny in the mouth my self for putting up with that. I sat there thinking " Hey Danny your manhood called and said it misses you" but of course I wold never say that...................unless asked lol!

Well the point of these entries is that two men both have situations that could have different view points if we asked the women of these men. However, what I can see from what I heard is that the communication is broken down and trust issues are apparent. Seems to this writer that the things that bring you together will tear you apart. I know many of us men are letting the women down in areas, but women it would behoove you if you allow the man to feel like he is the most important person in your life and more than likely he will respond the same to you. Find creative ways to get him to do what you want. Suggest two options that you like and ask him to choose and he will think it was his ideal. Take the basic boy and show him what kind of man you need with actions less with your mouth running all the time lol! Seriously I heard a woman can do with a mouth what a dude can do with his hands. Not saying its right, but an opinion.
Well there you have it. Two males that R alone but not lonely. They put up with their women and both wouldn't marry them if they struck the lottery twice. So is love a battlefield or the source of all that is good? You decided, but keep in mind, "Remember to always be good to yourself...... Hummm check back later on my issues with women who earn more $ than their men.
Ward up yalll.......

Fill ur cribb With evidence of love

There R so many distractions in life and reminders of the issues we deal with on the daily that it is crucial to counter this negativity with evidence of love. Yall know I am extra cheap so I read some ways to make this happen on a scale that I can afford!!!
Evidence of love can be anything beautiful, special to you, artistic, airy, or light. Shoot it can be anything that reminds you of love, kindness,gentleness, and compassion. It can be your kids pictures that they drew for you, fresh cut flowers, philosophy hanging on your wall, spiritual books on the coffee table or pictures of you loved ones! You can even put out an heart felt letter from some 1 who loves you. I must say that it makes me feel good just writing this information down cause I believe this much in this advice.
Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do, but I have to go now cause my 7 and 9 year old artists have just created another ummm........... let's just say master piece!!!

Ward....

What I am thinkN and what I am doing!!!

*Lately I have been writing in my journal at least ten minutes a day. I don't care if I don't have anything to talk about, I just free style and put pen to paper. I don't re-read my thoughts for now, but I will in about 6 months. Who knows this may turnout to be a movie of the week-lol!
*I am gearing up to give a public talk in October. I feel pretty good about the information that I plan to present.
*Currently still reading "Nigger" by Dick Gregory and "Make it Happen" by Kevin Lyles. These are powerful and inspirational pieces of work. I don't know what may come of my new found knowledge-lol!
*I don't understand why certain groups feel the over whelming urge to have 5 thousand ladders on their vehicles???
*Why is it that no matter how fine a woman is, she will still find flaws with in her self?
*Why do men keep the same hair style for life?
*Why don't women get along with other women, I don't care if they have been child hood pals. Let a man enter in your lives and yall get straight gutter! Men say bros before....well u know?
*Is dating someone better than being married to them????
*Y is it that the people who try so hard to do the right thing R the onez who are subject to burnout while your do nothing uncle will live to be 98 and stress free.
*Why did everybody end up hating Omarosa?
*Is it some type of honor to be known as the world's tallest midget?
*How come people who never read the Bible think the know everything about it.
*Is Tyler Perry that good or are we just starved for black movies?

Ward

Why Kan't we be friendz

The age old question of being friends is upon us yet again! Is it possible or is it just a way of wasting time until you feel you are ready to go your separate wayz? Sure many a couple have tried it but usually one or both become extra jealous or very judgemental over your conversations that border on curiosity and down right nosiness.
The way Wardy looks at this is like a pencil. If the pencil breaks in the middle you can always tape it back together, but it will always be weak at the particular point. Likewise when two try to be friends after dating, you have a weakness for that person which can manifest in a variety or unpredictable wayz. You may suddenly want your baby daddy back and he may suddenly enjoy being drama free-lol!
Personally, I think I would have no problem being friends with Whoopee Goldberg, the security guard from the Wayans brothers show or Oprah (well maybe for Oprah I would do something strange for some change-lol!)
If you are a woman how hard would it be for you to resist Flavor Flav? Now lets flip this thang like Urkel did and became Stephon but in this case Flav became Boris Kojoe? Whitney Houston we have a problem. Look how they look at each other, the touch when they talk and the dreamy eyes when they hear the other person's name. Why not just be enemies?
I firmly believe that we are attracted to what we are attracted to, so being friends is a ticking time bomb until something explodes (get your mind right Supa dupa).
So to answer the question of why cant be friends......the simple answer is because we share too much past...Good and Bad......
Ward

Nigger....

A word I never use. Don't have a problem with U saying it but it just ain't my bag...ya feelz me! I am reading this new book by Dick Gregory. Very impressed so far and here is a quote I really enjoyed.

"Last time I was down South I walked into this restaurant, and this white waitress came up to me and said: 'We don't serve colored people here' "I said 'That;s all right, I don't eat colored people. Bring me a whole fried chicken'. "About that time these 3 cousins came in, you know the ones I mean, Klu, Kluck and Klan, and they say;'Boy, were're givin' you fair warning'. Anything you do to that chicken, we're gonna do to you,' Remember, boy, anything you do to hat chicken, we're gonna do to you.' So I put down my knife and fork, and I picked up that chicken, and kissed it"


Love this book mannn

Ward.....

Double standards that drive me krazee

Is it me or do you hate it when men treat their daughters differently compared to the treatment of their sons. Boys are told to go out and get as many women as they can cause its cool. Shoot look at Hugh Hefner, that Bama is 80+ years old and has at least 4 dymes with him at all times and nobody complains. Women are termed.....well lets just say some not so nice words by society for having more than one lover. Also, if she only dates men who have money then of course she is a gold digger!!
Well its no wonder that double standards are so common place in society. We perpetuate this behavior from a young age.

I think women are better known to be the ones who change their minds and expect men to be alright with it. Its not alright, but it is expected by the men who are half way aware of this sudden change up possibility. I can't tell you how many times we started out going to the grocery store to get some milk and ended up at the mall catching the 70% off sale at forever 22!

Women have a tendency to allow emotions to rule their thought process. It doesn't matter if they told you "Yes I will do this or that" because she has now changed her mind. So as the male he has to deal with it. My boy Larry said he has this girl who likes to kiss him all the time and get him all hot and bothered and then suddenly stop. I told him, I think her pay off is the kiss. His pay off is intimacy. In this instance- you have a winner and a loser. This will leave one partner frustrated either way if the other gives in. I guess for a guy that is like going out to a great restaurant and ordering all his favorite foods and then when the food arrives, the waiter suddenly takes all the food away. But the waiter can always say I am sorry and everything will be alright right---NOT!

Everyone has the right to change his or her mind, but don't think the other party won't have a reaction of your action. Sometimes people are counting on your YES to actually mean yes. I guess it boils down to what people will think of you when they hear your name based off of the actions and choices you make. I am going to eat now, or maybe I am not I am not sure....SOrry!


Ward

The day ThE WaRd CriED........

Like most males that I know crying is not something that we do on the regular. Personally for me, the last time I cried was when my momz died back in 1991- yelp 18 years and some change. Well the hurtful situation occurred this past Sunday when I tried to reach out to a family member. Honestly, I don't know if it was an intervention or a discussion that just turned all the waaaaaaaaaaaay to the left.
During the conversation I learned that change is not only difficult for individuals but it can be down right impossible for the hard hearted. The person in question has a severe love of material possession that rivals Lots wife from the scriptures. In this day and age many people have to make life changes in order to continue 4ward in the circle we call surviving. If you can't let go of what you can no longer afford, then you are going to find out the hard way why people end up in the loony bend!
The thing that made me cry was my relative showed me how mean and unyielding unhappy people can be. I saw first hand how one person can destroy or pull apart an entire family with a few choice words of attack and then hide behind the " I don't want you to attack me tactic". I am unsure if I am the only guy who has two people in his family that are so similar and don't even know it, then again stubbornness is common. I do understand* that we shape our values based off of our experiences, but at some point it would behoove us all if took a long look at the person in the mirror. If everybody you meet has issues with you and your thinking,your attitude- that could be a sign that pe
Back to the tears...I just felt so overwhelmed about the fact that with all the things going on in the world today such as death, unemployment, diseases and uncertainty: How can people turn their backs on family. I sat there thinking that family is suppose to have your back, be your support group or place of comfort from the harsh cold realities of the world and all its problems that arise daily. Arms folded and the adamant screams of "no" and I did this and i did that and nobody likes me is a little much from someone that I admired so much for being a pillar in society.
I assume crying is not that bad, but for me to cry gives me a little taste of why that old Indian dude use to cry on T.V. back in the daze when he looked at how Americans trashed the land that his forefathers formerly roamed so freely. I accept that it is what it is, but I gotta really take some time to ponder how to deal with negative people. (Note to self: the best way to help stubborn people is to not become one of them).
I am WArd!

My thoughts on Chris Breeze and Kanye West.....

(I am seriously thinking about getting me a radio show which will allow me to express my thoughts on the weeks in review. I talked to "The Cooper" who said we can tag team this thang, so keep your eyes open for this in the future.)
Anyway I find it amazing that people are more concerned about what Prez Obama has to say about Kanye being a Jack@$# than his health care plan-lol (Boden) due to his recent actions on MTV's stage! I think Kanye just wanted some attention and did his usual acting out thang. MTV know how this dude rolls and yet they allow him to have free reign on live events, so what do you expect. After all, Kanye helped me to understand that George Bush don't care about black people! He is my hero-lol! My radio co-partner made a valid point on Kanye also. Have you ever considered that since Kanye is emotional that he just speaks from the heart. He meant no harm, just said what he thought. I must admit that is a perspective that I find true but didn't really consider until today. I understand that dude misses his mama, but he does need to take some time to chill and just get back in touch with life and the good that the world has to offer. I believe that there is still some good in the world, we just have to stop and smell the feet....I mean crack.....I mean...you know what I mean sucka.
Chris Brown is doing community service and Tom Joyner ain't giving the youngN no slack. I heard his show today and became bothered for the first time. Tom said that no matter what a woman does to a man he should never put his hands on her?????? I beg to differ Mr. Joyner. I don't condone abuse ever, but truthfully we all been there at some point in our lives is we have ever dated. I think that both Chris and Rhiana should be picking up trash on the side of the highway. Chris being punished is attacking half the problem in my opinion. Think about this, Men grow up playing games with winners and loosers in basketball, football and hockey. Women grow up playing Doctor, doll and having tea parties. So sometimes when the two intertwine we have choices to make. Fast forward, if a man is saying get out of my face before I do this-this and that and you keep pushing and daring him--"Don't be surprised when you wake up with an eye V drip in your arm lying in a hospital bed. From the guys perspective, you played the game and lost. So I think Rhi-Rhi was responsible for half the fight too. I have two daughters and I don't encourage them to play chicken with cars in the neighborhood and I definitely tell them when someone is talking Quayzee to shut up and look for an exit. It seems that when we have the threat of consequences like being arrested, shoot or hurt- we tend to change our actions. In dating we forget to learn and grow from each other, rather we try to control and dominate. Really you gotta know what knowledge is and when to allow wisdom to step in and save your life by application.
Sure some will disagree and say that hitting is wrong, but wouldn't it behoove us all to have proactive measurements rather re activeness! Chris Brown may look like a man and sound like a man, but really he is a young boy who needs guidance not criticism. Point: If this were two women who got in2 this big fight, would anyone be on the side of the road picking up trash? I think not. If yall really want to help the situation, pray for these people as well as others and learn to lead by example...

Eye B WaRd.......

Negative Nurse Know it all.............

So today I had to a drug screen for this new position I am going to take. Since one of my many jobs use to be that of a Toxicologist who ran Chemistry Analysers, I knew the routine and what to expect or so I thought. The one thing that you can never predict is people!!!
This is what happened. I arrived at Kendricks and went in with my reading materials to start the waiting game. They want you to sit out in the lobby for about 15 to 20 minutes in case you got warm clean urine sample under your arm pits or something deceitful to beat the test. Obviously I don't do drugs so I had nothing to hide! Well as I sit there in the lobby, three other black kids are there. What ever they were doing there, the staff was very concerned about them. They eventually said they had to leave and would take their test later. The staff ran out after them saying they are ready for them now, but the kids kept walking. So alone sat the remaining black dude......Me!
So since I was black, I must have known these other black folk and what ever they was up too ~right? Wrong sucka, yall know all black don't really look alike. Keep reading B4 I get upset and smack myself! Well I finally gets called back and not a moment to soon cause your boi had to go bad! This mean nurse comes over and gives me her Stern speech on what to do. I follow the directions and came out and handed her the sample to which she replied that I was on the lower end of the temperature scale. I asked how low and she said it was around 91 degree instead of 98 and that she can't make these situations up out of thin air! I knew what she was implying. She thought I had someone Else's urine and it was cooling off. I told her she could take my temperature or I could give another sample cause I didn't like what she was implying. I know that everybody temperature is not 98.6. Its just an average. Next thing I know the nurse tells me that they accidentally threw away my urine sample. Hummm what a surprise. Well they passed me on to the Dr in the next room. He was actually cool, so I told him what happened and what I know about the testing. He quickly apologized and told me that I was good and everything checks out good and he over wrote everything. He checked the nurse who was having a bad day and bad attitude and wasn't afraid to use it.
I think all this stemmed from the other people in the lobby getting her upset. Was this another case of racism, prejudice or just bad customer service? IDK, but I didn't like it. Nevertheless, I am working on forgiving negative situations because that is one point that the Bible focuses on. What a day.

Ward

Does yelling "THUGG LIFE" mean your kids are bad?

My dude told me that his son brought home a note from his teacher saying that he would not behave in class on this particular day. The teacher was smooth because she wrote a smiley face on the outside and said "give this to your parents". Can you image little dudes face when he was questioned by his Popz as to why he was acting out in class?
I asked my dude what he thought about the whole situation and he said that he thinks the teacher has it out for his kid cause he is the only black boy in the class. Now I understand that we as black folk sometimes think that we are often on the other end of the short stick, but sometimes when it comes to kids we might just be incorrect in our thinking. Seriously, do teachers really stay up late at night trying to figure out a way to get that one kid in trouble the following day? Yeah that's what I thought 2!
In my life I have had many a job, but one of my favorites had to be that of a custodian supervisor in of the larger Indianapolis public schools. I was able to interact with many teachers, parents and of course students. I formed a bond with the students and gave them challenging words or riddles that once solved would result in sugar free treats. It never ceased to amaze me when I would see parents come down and complain that their kids were not onez to cuss or misbehave in public. My side job in the school was also security, so I had to be in the office for these volatile situations. The teachers always looked skerd when the black momz would get irate and somehow would look to me for help. I would tell the parent that I did witness certain things (which were true) but I would always say something the positive about the child and the parents would often look down or away and begin the solution phase.
It seems that as parents we don't always want to accept that our kids may bring reproach upon the family name but how much time do parents really spend with their kids. Then on top of that how much of that time is positive energy or do we use it all at work on others? Parents have a huge responsibility to inculcate positive traits in kids not just because we are parents, but more importantly because the kid didn't not ask to be born!
My point: Kids are like you. They will listen to what you say but do everything your actions do. My dude mentioned earlier, should not get so bent out of shape about his boy acting out, perhaps he should go have lunch with his son at school and make occasional pop up visits and then talk to his son about assimilation in school. Kids really just want love and approval of their parents. So when you kid is riding his bike around the hood screaming THUGG LIFE (and his name isn't 2 Pac), you might want to spent some time when him to curb this early. Ya feelz me?

Ward yall_____

Iz errrrr body dysfuctional???

A good friend of mine told me the other day that The Jackson family is not that much different that many other families across the land. At 1st, I was like hecky to the knoll (Whitney Houston style)cause them Jackson boys swapped wives a while back and had kids who are brothers and cousins at the same time. So I thought about it and realized that I have actual family members who have do some strange things 2! True story: My cousins in the South shot each other over the last hot dog. I ain't madd at them because a good ball park hot dog is hard to come by!
With that being said, my real reason for this entry is because I had a study with a couple a few hours ago and it really tested my patience and comprehension of the normal couple myth. This couple was at the streets called "I have checked out emotionally 6 months ago and if somebody don't get you the heck away from me I am gonna kill you avenue!"
It was a lot of I am not heard, not loved, not trusted or I get yelled at and treated like a kid. It was truly wild because I know this couple can't make it without each other yet neither of them want to admit this. As I sat there listening to her side thinking why doesn't she just quit tripping and then she would see that he can treat her like a lady. I sat there listening to his side thinking why doesn't he just do what he has to do as a man and lead by example and not worrying about her jealousy! I also knew that in order for this thing to prosper they both gotta give. Of course, I don't want to put them on blast (they read my blogs)but manily cuz they may not make it. I CAN say this: When your woman says that she thinks you lust after women on t.v. shows and you can not be trusted at work to NOT have sex on your lunch break.....Houston you may have a problem!!! Also when a man is giving you that Chris Brown look, you might wanna back down and sit down before you get knocked down. Its ironic that you can meet someone and think you love each other but realize later that you are only as strong as your biggest problems in ur relationship! I just find myself thinking Iz errrrr body dysfuctional or do we just want to control others with actions? UGGGHHHHHH!

Ward up yall.