The 6 month front.......is it o.k. to Marry someone that soon in the game?????

Two unique times this week I have spoken with people about how soon is too soon to move 4ward in the dating relationship. Perhaps my perspective is different than someone who tends to be a follower. I say follower because 95% of the world's population are considered followers, while only 5% tend to be leaders or thinkers. For example, when you walk in a meeting room- have you ever noticed that the majority of people in said room will fill up the back of the room, much faster than filling up the front of the room.  So 95% of the people are in the rear and the 5% in the front (including the speaker) are considered the leaders.
Moving on, my first encounter happened on social media. A relationship writer post his ideals about moving in and getting married soon after know each other after 1 year. He said it the relationship is doomed because of this short time length. I responded to him that I think after 6 months of dating that you pretty much know the infrastructure of the other person. Of course, everyone changes, some for the worse and some for the better. I am not necessarily saying you have to marry the person on the 1st day of the 6th month of dating, but you can start to make them wedding plans for the near future, but moving in before marriage is not an option for success. I find it comparable to a job. When someone starts a job, the employer interviews the person, does a back ground check and then have the team meet the person before extending an offer. Then guess what happens next? The person gets full benefits after a probationary period. The ironic thing, is that we spend more quality time with our co-workers and at our job, then we spend with our mates. I say that because we have to be open and honest when hiring an employee, so like wise, we must be when dating someone. So if 2 people want to be in an relationship, with the goal of marriage,  and they are being open and honest and not pretending to be something they are not (the six month front). After the probationary period ends, you know if you want to spend the rest of your life with said person, making memories as you get to know them better: Helping each other become the best person they can be! Heck, the biggest decisions we make in our lives are 1). Dedication to Jehovah 2).Marriage 3) Home Purchase 4). Buying a car. Think about how long we test drive a car before buying that.......hummmm
My point is all about the mind set of marriage mates. If you want to be successful at marriage, then do successful things that people do. Pray together regularly, be best friends, be honest and never treat anyone better than you treat your mate! If you want a fling, do what ever you been doing, you know your own story, lol!
Dang, I don't have time for the 2nd story. Let's just say I spoke to someone about thinking marriage will make all their issues get better or go away. Hummm, like I said that will be a later blog.
*(Please note that not every couple will be perfect. Some people date for sport and the results are typical. My blog refers those we believe in love in a biblical sense).
I am WarD.........................

Eyez don't see nothing wrong.....

Eye miss you kissing my lipz, consoling my confidence
I"ll proably just ring the heart of something that never sent
Scars 4 da flesh, war wounds 4 da soul...

Success is another test
and we always wanted the highest scores
Momz did her job, even found a husband to love
But it never was enough cause I use to be a silent thug

Tears fall all the way to the South of France
Poverty line hand lower than yung hard headz pants
Never been to I-hopppp, would've been so out of place
after we washed plates and they was always out of steak
Ya know that ain't cool cuz We were born in sin

Came to win the title, Wardy waving at you from the stands
True love was just a myth, I can always plead the fifth
Plain and pleasure, searching for buried treasure simply nothingness....

I am WarD......

Real life dumb couple fightz......I don't love you enough to hate you......

Coming out of Wal-mart one day, I noticed an older couple walking in the store as I was exiting! The woman asked her husband where he was going because the entry way was right here!!! He replied, it was the exit door and he was not going in the world butt backwards! I kind of smiled to avoid laughing at his frankness, as I looked back and noticed they both went in their separate entrances and met up inside at the useless Walmart greeter dude (What is the purpose of the Walmart greeter.....never-mind thats another blog). Any-who, this interaction got me thinking about the point in all relationships when it all goes south! 4 example, when you first met him/her you couldn't wait to see them after being away 13 minutes. The man tries his best to show the woman how much he loves her by showering her with gifts, phone calls, lunch dates etc and the female shows the dude her cooking skills, her ability to keep a clean house and of course keeping her self tight and right 24/7ths. I mean at what point does this lovey dovey feeling dissipates into the wind? I guess it depends on the couple and what they deal with over the course of the relationship. Read a few real life couple disagreements below. No advice in this one, just real spit!

1). WHAT YOU WANNA EAT? Omg, this question dang near causes divorce instantly because of myriad of responses. Dude says what you want to eat tonight? Females asks what is he in the mood for and dude said he don't care because he is starving. Female cool, we could go to that new Chinese spot on 52nd and Keystone. I hear they got really good orange chicken and noodles. Dude says- Yeah I am cool on that Chinese food, I hear they be substituting dog meat sometimes. Female says oh o.k, what about Chili's 2 for $20 because I love their chips and salsa an appetizer! Again dude says, I don't want that place either, the food is too bland. What else you got? The sad thing about it is, neither really know what they want to eat, unless they are alone, then they suddenly end up at a eating spot with no arguments. I think I just solved problem number 1, lol!

2). Communication Issues. What makes it so easy for our mates to be so loving to co-workers, friends and relatives, but can't talk to you without rolling their eyes and 14 deep breaths and sighs because you asked who left the bathroom light on again? Nothing makes me matter than seeing someone treat a stranger better than their mate. I mean who is gonna be there when you are sick (your boss, co-worker or you girlfriend) to help you. I think this can be a strong factor toward the demise of a relationship. Something happens to couples the longer they stay together. They may feel they have to raise their voices to get their point across, perhaps saying something like " I don't think doing such and such is not a good idea and this is the reason why......Nahhhhh that sounds to much like logic doesn't it. Other couples I see out can't put their phone down long enough to just have a conversation about life with their mate. Texting is so common now, that no one really talks on the phone for long. I saw a man get so irate at his partner for texting during dinner that he got up and went to the restroom and never came back.  I can feel dude's pain because, again....if we was at our job and a customer was at our station, would we be texting while they are standing there? What makes it so differntly with our mates? Communication is the life blood of any good relationship, but then again we have a high divorce rate in America sooooooooooooooooooo.....

3). The Back Seat Driver. With all the GPS technology and smart phones out there, why do we need our mate to remind us to apply pressure to the break "NOW" to avoid hitting the car in front of us. Or what about the mate who swears they know the fastest route to said destination. And pleas don't try to back up into the garage with your mate in the car. Heck you can't look out the side view mirror because their big O.J. Simpson looking head is all in the way trying to help guide you in (forget the back up camera that came with your new car). My cousin Tony once told me that its only one person on his drivers license for a reason. I guess the back seat driver ain't never thought of that huh? The ironic thing is the back seat driver usually has a ba-jillion tickets and battle wounds on thier car and yet they know how to help you! Really?????????

Yeah couples fighting is a real situation but sometimes it would behoove the couple, to just stop and say I will never treat anyone better than I treat you. And of course live up to it......
I am Ward......

The Vet, the hall and the couple....

I know the weekend goes by faster each year I get older, but I certainly enjoyed it- even hit my learning curve before Saturday, lol! Friday, I was able to get off work early, so I went out and bought a used suv and sold another car within an hour (that is always good!). Next I had get back across town to take my puppy to the vet. My dog, Quincy, is a pure pit-bull that is 7 months but he looks like a grown man dog to others on the street. Perhaps because he is so hyper. Any-who, I get to the vet and Quincy looses his rabbit mind in the Vets office. He wants to go toward this little puppy and its very frightened owner, as I try to hold him back. Everyone is looking at me like I feed him raw meat or something!!! We finally make it back to the waiting room, where I get asked a million interrogation questions about the plans for breeding. I say that I would like to breed him and thats when things went left. In comes the Doctor who says "I heard you are gonna breed Quincy". I said yes, and was then lectured about how I need to have 8 people who want the puppies in advance. I don't know why, but I was trying to explain that I am not keeping the puppies, but she didn't even care! She then tells me how I need to pay to have him put to sleep and hips checked out to be responsible that way too. I was like whatever, just give him the shots so I can leave. I felt because I was African American with a pit, that I was being stereo typed into Micheal Vic. I think I will go back for more dog care mainly because I want to express myself self in a more pragmatic way. Trust me, lol

. 

Went to the hall and heard a great talk by a brother I didn't know until we went out to lunch with my best friend Derrick and his wife and the Fine family (speakers last name). I really enjoyed the talk because he talked about things that I was feeling. He mentioned how people are like porcupines, saying how sometimes we hurt each other unintentionally -but if we don't get along with people we will be all alone in this world because no one is perfect yet. He also supported his talk from the scriptures letting go of resentment. I agree, its not worth my time to be upset with someone or something that has occurred. Its in the past  and I live in the present and looking forward the future. 

Fast forward to lunch at Ponderosa  Steak-house Sunday, I got to talk to this couple and found them quite enjoyable. They have been married about 33 years old and still very happy. I was elated to see the joy in their faces as they spoke about their life, travels and goals. I saw how his wife has deep respect for him and how he truly loves her. It was refreshing to see a couple doing it the way Jehovah says and seeing it actually in action working! They admitted they have had their issues like any other couples but they always show respect. I pretty much learned that couples complement each other and look for a mate that lacks with missing in their personality. A shy person wants an outspoken mate, a homebody tends to gravitate toward a outgoing person. Opposites attract, right?  Again, great couple and good conversation, looking forward to seeing them again.

Overall, this has been a good weekend for me. I am ready to hit the work week and make new memories and continue trying to make myself a better man. 

I am Ward......

How to stop aruguing (RP JW.ORG)

THE CHALLENGE

Are you and your spouse unable to discuss things calmly? Does it feel as if you are always walking through a minefield in which any step could set off an explosive dispute?

If so, be assured that things can improve. But first you need to find out why you and your spouse argue so much.

WHY IT HAPPENS

Misunderstandings.

A wife named Ashlee * admits: “Sometimes I say something to my husband and it doesn’t come out as I intended. Or I am convinced that I told him something, when I really only dreamed that I told him. That’s actually happened!”

Differences.

No matter how compatible you and your spouse may seem to be, your views on some matters will differ. Why? Because no two people are exactly alike—a fact that can add either variety or tension to marriage. For many couples, the result is tension.

Poor role models.

“My parents argued a lot and made disrespectful comments to each other,” says a wife named Rachel, “so when I got married I talked to my husband the way my mother talked to my father. I had not learned how to show respect.”

Deeper concerns.

Often, a fiery argument is really about something other than the event that ignited it. For example, a dispute that starts with “You’re always late!” may not be about the need for punctuality but about one spouse feeling that he or she has been treated inconsiderately.

Whatever the cause, frequent arguing can adversely affect your health and can even be a predictor of eventual divorce. How, then, can you stop arguing?

 WHAT YOU CAN DO

A key to preventing arguments is identifying the underlying issues that fuel them. When things are calm, try the following exercise with your spouse.

1. On separate sheets of paper, each of you should write down the topic of a recent argument. For example, a husband might write, “You spent the whole day with your friends and didn’t call me to tell me where you were.” A wife might write, “You got upset because I spent time with my friends.”

2. With an open mind, discuss the following: Was the matter really that serious? Could it have been overlooked? In some cases, for the sake of peace, it may suffice to agree to disagree and to cover over the matter with love.—Bible principle: Proverbs 17:9.

If you and your spouse conclude that the matter was trivial, apologize to each other and consider it settled.—Bible principle: Colossians 3:13, 14.

If the matter seems more serious to one or both of you, proceed to the next step.

3. Write down how you felt during the argument, and have your spouse do the same. For example, a husband might write, “I felt that you preferred the company of your friends over my company.” A wife might write, “I felt that you were treating me as if I were a child who had to check in with her father.”

4. Swap papers with your spouse, and read each other’s comments. What was your spouse’s deeper concern during the argument? Discuss what each of you could have done differently to address the underlying issues without arguing.—Bible principle: Proverbs 29:11.

5. Discuss what you learned from this exercise. How can you use what you learned to solve or prevent a future argument?

I am Ward.......

Eye am So Konfused about this love.......

Ever notice that when Hollywood marriages end in divorce that no one is really surprised? We say things like, considering they are in Hollywood....that was a really long marriage???? Dont we all say the same basic wedding wording that include death due us part? Nevertheless, we still have a high rate of dissolution in this world anyway, but why is the real question?!
Seems like most couples (I say most because we all know that couple that shouldn't have gotten married-PERIOD) jump the broom because they really love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives togeather, ya know how they be finishing each others sentences, talking on the phone 13 times a day and can't keep their hands off each other. Fast forward 4 years later and watch those same couples on "how I killed my spouse with a rusty fork"! Chris Rock is quoted as saying, "If you never thought about killing your spouse, then you ain't never been in love". Hummm, I will reserve my thoughts on that until later.
When the smoke clears, marriage or long term dating (which is considered by many to be marriage without the commitment now a days) is really hard work that is only the infrastructure. I came up with words that may help out couples who are willing to fight for their marriage.
.........Most people get married believing a myth that marriage is a beautiful box full of all the things they have longed 4; companionship, intimacy, friendship etc. The truth is that marriage at the start is an empty box. You must put something in before you can take anything out, much like a savings account! There is no love in marriage. Live is in the people. And people put love in marriage. There is no romance in marriage. You have to infuse it into your marriage. A couple must learn the art  and form the habit of giving , loving, serving, praising, of keeping the box full. If you take out more than you put in, the box will always be empty. Men play the most important role from my perspective because we arent' always smart enough to realize that the higher we elevate our women, the less available yall are for other men. When men break women down, she become more accessible to anyone she things will treat her better. Women who play the support role well, encourage their men to be the leaders that was naturally assigned to us/them. A woman who is easy to love will always have hear her man's loving voice of approval. (I think I have a tear in my left eye as I am writing this).
These words are deep but worth considering. Relationships are an on the job training situations in most cases, so just do what you can and give your all. Proverbs 3:5 in case of emergency.
I am Ward......

Every thing that glitters is not alwayz Medicine..........

Pharmaceutical companies should be doing whatever they can to research and produce drugs that fight and cure medical problems. Unfortunately the primary goal of pharmaceutical companies is pretty darn much something else...... entirely: to make as much money as possible is what I think!!! And as we tend to find, helping people and making money aren’t often complementary goals, are they not?
Pharmaceutical companies have a great deal of power in the modern world of medicine. In fact, because they control the drugs that doctors prescribe and patients use, they are behind the scenes, pulling the strings. We’d like to think that these drug companies will always put the patients’ best interests first, and that’s certainly what the drug companies want us to think. However, when it comes to money and the consumer, it certain thangz that people don't want you (the customer to know).

1). Before any drug can be available to the public, it has to go through deep and long research and testing. After significant research, clinical trials will test the drug on real people. Scientific studies are supposed to be fair and unbiased, with clinical trials of pharmaceuticals, that’s not always the case. Oftentimes, the drug companies are the ones who are funding the research and hiring the scientists and doctors who perform the studies. Rather than have an unbiased third party running the trials, the people in charge have a financial interest in the results of the study.
Because of this, clinical trials are often designed to give the new drug a competitive edge, and there are financial incentives for the people involved when the studies go well. For example, a higher dose of a new drug might be compared with a lower dose of an older drug in order to exaggerate the differences in results, SMH!

2).  Herbal medicines have been used for thousands of years, and there is a great deal of information on the effectiveness of many different types of plants. The pharmaceutical companies are well aware of the research that indicates the effectiveness of herbal medicines, but they don’t embrace these alternatives because they aren’t profitable. Instead of using plants as natural medications, the drug companies try to figure out how to isolate the active ingredients of these herbs and turn them into synthetic medications that they can produce and sell for a tremendously greater profit. The pharmaceutical companies would prefer that you think of herbal medications as bunk science or potentially dangerous so that they can continue to sell you the synthetic medications they create.

 These are 2 of the secrets the pharmaceutical companies are keeping from us. They’re unlikely to lose their power over the medical field anytime soon, so it’s important to keep an open mind. While the drug companies do produce many medications that improve and save lives, remember to have a healthy skepticism and learn as much as you can about the health decisions you make for yourself, becuase I am sure by know everyone knows the money is not in the cure, rather in the come back suckers for the drugs that are produced. If you don't believe me....try reading a book called Freakanomics........
I am Ward....