Are you
and your spouse unable to discuss things calmly? Does it feel as if you
are always walking through a minefield in which any step could set off
an explosive dispute?
If so, be assured that things can improve. But first you need to find out why you and your spouse argue so much.
WHY IT HAPPENS
Misunderstandings.
A wife named Ashlee*
admits: “Sometimes I say something to my husband and it doesn’t come
out as I intended. Or I am convinced that I told him something, when I
really only dreamed that I told him. That’s actually happened!”
Differences.
No
matter how compatible you and your spouse may seem to be, your views on
some matters will differ. Why? Because no two people are exactly alike—a fact that can add either variety or tension to marriage. For many couples, the result is tension.
Poor role models.
“My
parents argued a lot and made disrespectful comments to each other,”
says a wife named Rachel, “so when I got married I talked to my husband
the way my mother talked to my father. I had not learned how to show
respect.”
Deeper concerns.
Often, a fiery argument is really about something other than the event
that ignited it. For example, a dispute that starts with “You’re always
late!” may not be about the need for punctuality but about one spouse
feeling that he or she has been treated inconsiderately.
Whatever
the cause, frequent arguing can adversely affect your health and can
even be a predictor of eventual divorce. How, then, can you stop
arguing?
WHAT YOU CAN DO
A key
to preventing arguments is identifying the underlying issues that fuel
them. When things are calm, try the following exercise with your spouse.
1. On
separate sheets of paper, each of you should write down the topic of a
recent argument. For example, a husband might write, “You spent the
whole day with your friends and didn’t call me to tell me where you
were.” A wife might write, “You got upset because I spent time with my
friends.”
2. With
an open mind, discuss the following: Was the matter really that
serious? Could it have been overlooked? In some cases, for the sake of
peace, it may suffice to agree to disagree and to cover over the matter
with love.—Bible principle: Proverbs 17:9.
If you and your spouse conclude that the matter was trivial, apologize to each other and consider it settled.—Bible principle: Colossians 3:13, 14.
If the matter seems more serious to one or both of you, proceed to the next step.
3. Write
down how you felt during the argument, and have your spouse do the
same. For example, a husband might write, “I felt that you preferred the
company of your friends over my company.” A wife might write, “I felt
that you were treating me as if I were a child who had to check in with
her father.”
4. Swap
papers with your spouse, and read each other’s comments. What was your
spouse’s deeper concern during the argument? Discuss what each of you
could have done differently to address the underlying issues without
arguing.—Bible principle: Proverbs 29:11.
5. Discuss what you learned from this exercise. How can you use what you learned to solve or prevent a future argument?
Ever notice that when Hollywood marriages end in divorce that no one is really surprised? We say things like, considering they are in Hollywood....that was a really long marriage???? Dont we all say the same basic wedding wording that include death due us part? Nevertheless, we still have a high rate of dissolution in this world anyway, but why is the real question?!
Seems like most couples (I say most because we all know that couple that shouldn't have gotten married-PERIOD) jump the broom because they really love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives togeather, ya know how they be finishing each others sentences, talking on the phone 13 times a day and can't keep their hands off each other. Fast forward 4 years later and watch those same couples on "how I killed my spouse with a rusty fork"! Chris Rock is quoted as saying, "If you never thought about killing your spouse, then you ain't never been in love". Hummm, I will reserve my thoughts on that until later.
When the smoke clears, marriage or long term dating (which is considered by many to be marriage without the commitment now a days) is really hard work that is only the infrastructure. I came up with words that may help out couples who are willing to fight for their marriage.
.........Most people get married believing a myth that marriage is a beautiful box full of all the things they have longed 4; companionship, intimacy, friendship etc. The truth is that marriage at the start is an empty box. You must put something in before you can take anything out, much like a savings account! There is no love in marriage. Live is in the people. And people put love in marriage. There is no romance in marriage. You have to infuse it into your marriage. A couple must learn the art and form the habit of giving , loving, serving, praising, of keeping the box full. If you take out more than you put in, the box will always be empty. Men play the most important role from my perspective because we arent' always smart enough to realize that the higher we elevate our women, the less available yall are for other men. When men break women down, she become more accessible to anyone she things will treat her better. Women who play the support role well, encourage their men to be the leaders that was naturally assigned to us/them. A woman who is easy to love will always have hear her man's loving voice of approval. (I think I have a tear in my left eye as I am writing this).
These words are deep but worth considering. Relationships are an on the job training situations in most cases, so just do what you can and give your all. Proverbs 3:5 in case of emergency.
I am Ward......
Pharmaceutical companies should be doing whatever they can to
research and produce drugs that fight and cure medical problems.
Unfortunately the primary goal of pharmaceutical companies is pretty darn much
something else...... entirely: to make as much money as possible is what I think!!! And as we
tend to find, helping people and making money aren’t often complementary
goals, are they not?
Pharmaceutical companies have a great deal of power in the
modern world of medicine. In fact, because they control the drugs that
doctors prescribe and patients use, they are behind the scenes, pulling
the strings. We’d like to think that these drug companies will always
put the patients’ best interests first, and that’s certainly what the
drug companies want us to think. However, when it comes to money and the consumer, it certain thangz that people don't want you (the customer to know).
1). Before any drug can be available to the public, it has to go through deep and long research and testing. After significant research, clinical
trials will test the drug on real people. Scientific studies are
supposed to be fair and unbiased, with clinical trials of
pharmaceuticals, that’s not always the case. Oftentimes, the drug
companies are the ones who are funding the research and hiring the
scientists and doctors who perform the studies. Rather than have an
unbiased third party running the trials, the people in charge have a
financial interest in the results of the study.
Because of this, clinical trials are often designed to give the new
drug a competitive edge, and there are financial incentives for the
people involved when the studies go well. For example, a higher dose of a
new drug might be compared with a lower dose of an older drug in order
to exaggerate the differences in results, SMH!
2). Herbal medicines have been used for thousands of years, and there is a
great deal of information on the effectiveness of many different types
of plants. The pharmaceutical companies are well aware of the research
that indicates the effectiveness of herbal medicines, but they don’t
embrace these alternatives because they aren’t profitable. Instead of using plants as natural medications, the drug companies try
to figure out how to isolate the active ingredients of these herbs and
turn them into synthetic medications that they can produce and sell for a
tremendously greater profit. The pharmaceutical companies would prefer
that you think of herbal medications as bunk science or potentially
dangerous so that they can continue to sell you the synthetic
medications they create.
These are 2 of the secrets the pharmaceutical companies
are keeping from us. They’re unlikely to lose their power over the
medical field anytime soon, so it’s important to keep an open mind.
While the drug companies do produce many medications that improve and
save lives, remember to have a healthy skepticism and learn as much as
you can about the health decisions you make for yourself, becuase I am sure by know everyone knows the money is not in the cure, rather in the come back suckers for the drugs that are produced. If you don't believe me....try reading a book called Freakanomics........
I am Ward....
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.
Thirty years ago, it was already
occurring that women would keep their name. When I got married, my
wife changed her name. That very act took me aback. I really did not
fully appreciate my marriage until my wife changed her name. I knew
then that my wife really loved me. She was willing to make the
change, and I said to myself, my wife really means it, I better prove to
her that she made the right choice with me. It was a kick in the
pants for me. It made me start reading books on how to stay married.
It made me have great respect for my wife. It made me realize
that my wife meant business, that she was here to stay. Without
her changing her name, I would never have taken marriage as seriously as
I did. After time, I realized that my wife changing her name,
made the biggest change in me from a boy to a man. (PRO LAST NAME CHANGE)
I
believe that women should not take their husbands' last names when they
get married. If they want to take their husbands' names, then they
should hyphenate it with their maiden name. I think a woman's maiden
name is a critical part of her identity and should not be lost just
because she gets married.(CON- LAST NAME CHANGE)
So after talking to my boi, I realized that this can be a crucial point for couples about to jump the broom of marriagehood. I guess silly ole me always thought that women wanted to take their dudes name, but KLEARLY I was mistaken. I asked the two people above and got 2 opposite responses and quickly realized that this is serious. I thought about all the people I do know that changed their names and those few I know that didn't as well as a few celebrities that I see on T.V.
I kept coming up with the same thoughts.......unity! I see everyone at Wal-mart walk around with the same out fit (especially with the "how may I help you sign on the back that is totally a lie) to show they work their. I saw the same thing at McDonald's, The Colts, The Pacers and so on. How we gonna be on the same team with different uniforms???? Are we that independent that we can co-exist as separate individuals but claim to be as 1? I guess anything is possible but is it necessary?
I read this scripture in the Bible and it gave me some valuable insight. Genesis Chapter 2 and verses 23-24 reads: Then the man said (Adam), This is at last bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh. This one will be called Woman. Because from man she was taken. That is why a man will LEAVE his father and mother and he will STICK to his wife and they will become one flesh.....
Unsure of what that means to you, but I see the couple being on the same team. If someone needs to keep their last name because of identity or a show of feeling close to their family, then they may not be ready to start something new with their potential mate. Will the female be a Ms. OR Mrs.??? What would be the kids last name? Does the woman want to be on the team or is this a power move? Hummmm
True, its a personal decision, but I think it would behoove both parties to discuss what marriage means to them indiviudally? I am just saying......
I am WarD.
