We tend to judge others by their actions but we tend to judge ourselves based off our intentions???????

1 of the most difficult challenges in our crazy relationships is handling difference and disagreements. I find couples disagree  and suddenly their discussions can turn into arguments and then with out much warning into BATTLES!!! Next, we/they stop talking in a loving manner and automatically begin hurting each other: blaming, complaining, accusing, demanding, resenting and doubting.
When couples fight, we do it in a way that hurts not only their feelings but also the relationship. Just as communication is the most important element in a relationship, arguments can be the most destructive element, because the closer we are to someone, the easier it is to bruise or be bruised!
I am finding that some couples argue all the time and without realizing it, they are gradually killing their love for each other! On the other extreme, some couples suppress their honest feelings in order to avoid conflict and not arugue. But the flip syde to that is that couple ends up loosig touch with their loving feelings as well!!!!
Wardy suggest that it is best for couples to find balance between these 2 extremes. How you ask? Simply by remembering we are different in our we think (men v. women) not better or worse, just different.
See differences and disagreements don't hurt as much as the ways i which we communicate them. Arguments don't have to be hurtful, rather a meaningful convesaton about how we feeling about something good/bad without all the anger behind it. But I find that most couples start out arguing about 1 thing and it leads to another with in 5 mins, lol! So what starts out is a simple discusssion ends u being a hurt battle with one or both parties refusing to accept or understand the concept of the other persons point of view because of how they are being approached. Really arguing is a big waste of time, because deep down inside the couple knows the fight is going nowhere positive but we stay on the path, but why?
I think for men..........they don't like it when the woman gets upset about something small (in their mind) that he may have done or didnt do. Men feel criticized reject and unaccepted. What he needed was to feel accepted just the way he is. Instead men feel like his woman is trying to improve him to what she feels he should be!
Women..........don't like it when men minize the importance of their feelings or requests and end up feeling dismissed and unimportant. What she need was to feel validated and cherished instead of being judged and ignored (unloved when she needs it most).
Its ironic because men rarely say "I'm sorry" because it means they have dont something wrong and now apologizing for it. Women say "I'm sorry" to say "I care about you". Either way, when it is said, an argument can be avoided!
Once couples learn to pick their battles and learn to listen without interruption, clarifying before assuming and putting Jehovah first, the relationship can flurish. Its not as easy as 1,2,3 but its a great infrastructure!
 
I am wARd..........

You acting brand new.......................

I use to think that Jesus was actually born on December 25th that is until I accidentally looked for it in the Bible one day,lol. Guess what? It wasn't in there- even to this day, but that hasn't stop millions of suckers from saying other wise, does it? I use to think that Police were my friends in blue that always looked out for me and minez, but now I keep seeing everyone wearing T-shirts that scream..... "I can't breathe", go figure. I use to think that 1+1=2, that is until I had my first daughter (Kobe'), then I realized that 1+1=3 lol!
Any-who, have you ever wondered why whenever one of them hood rappers start getting some money from their constant dedication to the craft, that they move out in the hills of Cali? I mean, shouldn't they stay where they came from and help revolutionize the ghetto from wince they came? The other man wasn't that dude meeting you at the barbershop or swap meet to purchase your home made album was he? That pretty much makes Jay Z, 50 cent and Dr. Dre sell outs to the highest degree or could it mean that nothing changes unless something changes. I guess yall don't know what happen somebody get money in the hood and the rest of the streets are still hungry???
It has been said many times that people change their perspective once every seven years during their lives and if they don't change, I assure you that growth is severely lacking in those people. I never claimed to be a complete know it all, but I know I can reason and occasionally make a good decision or three!
 Let me explain why I was recently accused of  "Acting Brand New"! After suffering thru and unbelievable working situation, I found my self damaged, bruised and often 2nd guessing my self. I had allowed myself to get caught up in fighting a non-winnable fight in exchange for irritation, job dissatisfaction and very negative thoughts! One day, I decided I was gonna control what I could control and not worry about the rest. I started each new day by reading something encouraging and loving that got me feeling some kind of positive way. I brought friends doughnuts to co-workers and sent out occasional words of inspiration in emails when I found something good! I said I am gonna look at at least 10 people in the eye and smile or give them a compliment. What happened even surprised me!I stopped worrying about me and started try to help others anyway I could and I felt good about seeing others pay it forward.
The same people who held me down were no longer viewed as the enemy, rather staff who had similar things in common with me (working for same company, trying to do a good job, etc) who just didn't get to know me yet. Sure, people had/have negative images of me and my work family but I began to wonder less about that and ponder more about what was I doing personally to encourage them to have those views of me in the first dawg gone place. Intelligent business managers comprehend that employees stay because they 1) either love the job or 2)can't find nothing else. Its not rocket Science people. So, when the management team starts to rub staff the wrong way and the staff keeps on taking it: then the management team don't have a problem (they cool with putting that thumb screw on your neck) with the situation, because that is all on the person who is knocked on the ground looking up with at that syde eye talking bout "Give us Free".
Back to me being brand new.......I realized that if people don't know you, then its easier for them to type cast you and not get to know you. Apparently that makes one brand new, if thru research and communication you understand someone else's decision making choices. Doesn't mean you have to agree with it, but at the very least,you know why they did what they did. Ironically, the oppressor may see you differently also too. But what if too much damage has been done for you to ever get to this point? Perhaps a deep look inside your soul may reveal that all of the other players in the game have either moved up or moved on and yet the problem is still there?  Could the problem be you? Why should you get a fee pass on all of the pain and suffering that those before and after you have known since the beginning of time? Distress is all part of it sucka. Ain't nobody singled you out  "just because". I recall reading about the great gangsters of the past like Al Capone, Two Gun Crowley and Dutch Schultz, they all said they was good people, who never did nothing wrong, lol!!! Some may beg to differ, especially when you kill so many people.  Wardy says: "what if you could ban the feelings of being unfairly targeted that often accompanies misfortune, then you  remove an entire layer of emotional baggage that you really didn't need as much as you thought. The world is bigger than what ever we face on a silly job: because work is what we do for $$$, and not who we are as a people. I think that how information is disseminated strikes a nerve sometimes so hard, we may never get over it, but doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is the very definition of INSANITY! So, if I am acting brand new because I refuse to act less than, because of a stereo type , then so be it. In closing, I often say Will Smith is one heck of actor, but keep in mind.....The man is acting......... and he is definitely winning. (u figure that one out on your own)
I am Ward.....

What Eye learned from the game of Basketball and Secular Employment

I have always been a good player of the game but as I got older, lets face it.....Ward got better! LOL, I actually use to step on court and feel inferior to my competition. I would hold back from taking the wide open jump shot and defer to the other sucka to win the game. It wasn't that I wanted to be the GOAT, but I knew that after shooting over 200 jumpers each day, that I was more than capable of taking the last shot. My confidence was at about 60% on a good day, but I still loved this game of basketball.
This sport kept me physically fit, showed me that I could work good being part of a team and of course*** how to win!!!!
This is how it all started, back in middle school I decided to try out for the squad and I was immediately cut lol! I laugh because the basketball coach came back to me 2 weeks later and said one of the guys he cut me 4 had decided he wanted to play baseball instead of hooping for him. Yeah, I was a sucka for being the 2nd choice, but heck I wanted to ball for my school! To no ones surprise, Wardy didn't get much playing time. Actually, I am quite happy looking back because not playing made me hungry to get better. I had to learn to become a good outsider spot shooter, I had to learn to make the no look pass and I had to learn where everybody was suppose to be on the court at all times. I had no grand disillusions of making it to the NBA but I knew playing division 1 was a very real possibility, if my road to basketball improvement was successful.
Time went by I accomplished me goal of getting better, especially once I realized the role of psychology involved in basketball. I figured out by asking my opponents key questions at the right time gave me a competitive advantage. For example, I would ask a guy shooting a free throw "Do you breathe in or out before releasing the ball oh never mind I guess it doesn't matter if you don't know". This little sentence would make the guy think about the question and loose focus of the shot. Another trick I often used was mention to the competition how good I was at defense after I blocked a shot, made a steal or doubled up on another player.
These skills turned out to work great in the employment area also. If you are on your job and are not stepping up to take the lead on projects, have a good ideal during round tables or being the person to get it done, then you are just like I was back in the day---Just being happy to be on the team. That is just not effective. I suggest that you take the time to learn not only your job, but those of your contemporaries too! At work you must earn a reputation of the person who comes in early and sometimes stays late and who definitely gets the job done. Psychology is involved in the work place because you must let everyone know that you are nice and friendly but when it comes down to it.....You are not one to be played with or taken lightly! I am not saying doing anything crazy, but make it known that in the game only the best players get the ring each year!!!!
Anywho, years went by and played a myriad of games and came out with a very high winning percentage. I learned to create my own shot, never force it, respect my competition and always gave 100% and was able to live with the results, knowing I did the best I could. I always held the best player on the other team (to learn from them win or loose) to show my team that if I can do it, they could too! I am confident to this very day because of love and basketball and I only see me getting better. Never been one to be cocky because through out my life I had to work/hustle for everything I ever had, which has kept me humble and appreciative. I encourage everyone go play basketball and do your job suckers!!!
I am ward.....