Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Death of a marriage or some call it Divorce....

Recently found out that Chris Rock is getting divorced from his wife of almost 20 years! That is a good run in worldly/Hollywood terms lol! Nevertheless, it sucks that people have to go down this painful road. I can't front, even I have visited this town too! I checked out Chris's new movie and had the feeling that he was done with his wife based off his chemistry with his co-star Rosario Dawson. I have often wondered why man and woman were not created with the innate desire to just stay with one person for life. Must be that free will thing coupled with integrity?
 I did a quick google of why some divorce to see if its a pattern? This is what Wardy found!

Getting in for the wrong reasons. Anything other than love is a problem from my perspective.

 Lack of individual identity. The 2 become 1 but you still have things that are important to just you

 Not having a shared vision of success. Gotta work together or soon be apart .....duhhhh

 The intimacy dissapears. - Gotta give that attention or somebody definitely will suckers

 Finances. - You can do bad alone. Don't jack my funds with you bad habits.....

 Different priorities and interests. - I want 2 learn about God but you want to hit the crack pipe.... not a good sign

 Inability to resolve conflicts. Every couple has disagreements, but when you need a referee to help out? Love covers a lot, but a cheat to win person makes one rethink his/her position.

Millions marry daily and many divorce daily, taking the marriage secrets with them. The way I see it,  the problem is either one or both parties are not doing things the way God says and relying on self logic. The solution is to learn to be your mates bff and do it well. Do what you did the get them in the first place and keep doing that every day.
I am Ward.......


Sunday, December 21, 2014

How long term daters see marriage!



 http://s.quickmeme.com/img/8a/8a425fd5d2aa832c4443ecfa43739ad9218408990d82b22623fdf5197da5a97c.jpg
I am unsure if it’s the man or the woman, but society has got some twisted views on marriage.  No matter how you look at it, Marriage is an institution created by our heavenly father……. meaning a union between 1 man and 1 woman to live together as 1 (same last name and respecting all local requirements) able to enjoy intimate relations and/or having children added to their union if so desired.

However, a common situation I find is that a couple (if that’s what you want to call them) will date forever and then get married only to divorce quickly.  I liken this to an employee working at a fairly good company where they give 100% daily, being loyal -even when the competition is paying more money and a few extras. The employee is expecting to one day become partner or at the very least being Vice President.  How does one feel if that day takes years to come or even worse…….it never comes?  Heck sometimes the company will bring in someone from the outside to be boss/replacement.  I asked my cousin Carla her views on dating her dude Marlin for 6 years and no wedding ring. Below is what her words………
““He doesn’t want to make me a wife, but he wants me to have his baby. He wants me to give up my whole life without him honoring” me” with a wedding.  Men these days, I just don’t get them. They want to date for years and years without having to indefinitely commit to a woman with vows of love. Is the price of a ring that much? Is getting on 1 knee that difficult? Or is til death do us part too long? Why is it that men are OK with being committed to dating forever, but are not as comfortable with coming to marriage forever?

Most of the committed boyfriend/girlfriend relationships I see are more comfortable with being monogamous and intimate, living together, and even making a baby, before the man takes the first steps towards marriage. As a woman living in a patriarchal society, I still see that men get their needs fulfilled way before women ever get theirs. If you ask any young woman (who hasn’t yet been traumatized by the by heartbreaks) most likely her goal is to someday walk down the aisle. If you ask any man, I ‘m sure he would 1st rather sow his royal oats and enjoy the forbidden fruit before he ever settles down with a woman. It seems to me that men are winning.  Men get what they want in a relationship before the woman gets what she DESERVES.

Many times a woman has to give up her body to pleasure her man and sacrifice her body to bear his children before a man is finally ready to get on that one knee!!! Why can’t men recognize the treasure they have in a women before she pretty much gives up her LIFE for him? If I am not mistaken, men these days are not reflecting the love they should reflect onto their women. Men are requiring a lot more work on our end, before they show their unconditional love and respect to us!......””
I wasn't surprised at Carla's response because as I said, its common for society to think this type of situation is not harmful to the union. In fact, studies show that couples have a greater propensity to divorce after an extended dating period because practice doesn't make you get wore at something: You actually get better!!! So if your man is use to running the streets and do things void of your presence don't think a piece of paper (marriage license) is going to suddenly allow you two to become the perfect couple. 
I sure am glad that employers don't make employees wait years before becoming a regular employee! Looks like the employer has more faith in the you than your lover has in you?
No relationship is perfect especially my own, but at some point it might behoove the couple to move 4ward or move on! Heck, a lot of men are more loyal to their favorite ball team than to the woman they lie down with. Everything in our lives is a reflection of a choices we have made. If you/me want a different results, simply make a different choices suckerz. But as life has taught me today, change is very hard and sometimes down right impossible for some people. In conclusion, I honestly feel that if the couple hasn't decided after 1 year of dating that they want to get married, then one of them is waiting on something or someone better to come along............ IJS
I am Ward.....

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Inside Crying-Outside Dying-2 tha Public Never Lying but desparate to get a better Job.....


My guy Derrick, asked me the other day, have I ever had a job that I really enjoyed. After giving it some serious thought I came up with a one word answer..........NO! I say that with much pain because life has taught me that work is what I do and never who I am! I know 3 many people who get that ideal twisted. Unless a person is running his own business, then you are basically being pimped! 2014 has helped many a people to see that just because you are needed does not mean you are important. Now with that being said, I recently went through a lengthy interview process for a dream job in my field of study. I had to meet with said potential employers 4 times before a decesion was granted. It came down to the final 2 and yours truly is back on the good side of the working world with a slight pep in my step and smile on my face.
Let's take a look back at my previous position to allow you to feel my pain and disrespect. My job consisted of assisting patients in financial distress. I provided them with viable options to result in long term solutions. On paper it seemed like a cool gig, because I enjoy helping those in need. Here is where the dilemma begins: Everyone in this position (even supervisors)  has to wear these uniforms, much like public school kids. To add insult to injury, others doing similar work got to dress like the professionals that they presented to be. When I would walk in the patients room to introduce myself and explain my purpose, one of several things would take place. 1). The patient would look at me, in my polo T-shirt and khaki pants, and decide they don't want to talk to me or partake of my assistance 2). A physician or nurse, would come in the room and act as if I am not there speaking with patient about his balance.... and just start talking directly to the patient- while standing in front of me as I wasn't there!!!! 3). The transportation department would come in the room while I am in there doing my thing and just roll the patient off to another area with obvious disrespect. (If I was a Doctor-Policeman or Lawyer would it have been different?)
All these points were disrespectful and definitely rude but probably not on purpose. Here is the kicker, on Friday's my co-workers were able to wear professional clothing and the respect level was out of this world from Doctors, Nurses and patients like it should be always. You only get one chance to make a first impression and I was the only one who seemed to realize that fact. I realized that you are born once, but you can die a thousand times being stuck in a ground hog day situation. I guess clothes dictate how others view you. I can only imagine how homeless people feel?
It took everything in my bones to keep a smile on my face and a positive attitude in my heart each week. I knew that if I stayed the course I would eventually fall into job that is a good fit for me and my family. I sadly watched 15 of my co-workers quit, transfer or get promoted while keeping up the good fight. I had plenty of great ideals on how this position could have been improved on, but every time my insight, fell on deaf ears. I witnessed the management team change rules/decisions like the wind changes direction, with no input from the people doing the actual work (bad combination). Some days I wanted to call in sick (I never did missed a day) or just blow my work off, but I couldn't because my spouse worked at the same place in a leadership role! I dealt with things by enjoying my week-ends with my wife and kids, by being active in the community and regular in prayer. I think my biggest challenge came when the job decided that after working a 40 hour work week, they were gonna call a mandatory Saturday/s for 16 straight hours more!!!! Staff was told that if you don't come in on said Saturday, don't bother showing up for work on the following Monday. REALLY, I thought. Then they decided they wanted to have another mandatory Saturday the next week too! Recall, I de-stress on the week endz but not them days.
Enough of that lol! FFW to now. I love my new position!!! I am regularly asked for my opinion, I can dress like a professionally educated college man, I get to help others who appreciate my efforts and I am part of a team full of happy employees. I am aware that this position too may have its share of issues but at least it is something tolerable. I realize the experiences that my last opportunity afforded me- helped me to use coping skills that I didn't know had. It made me fight for this new position that I had to have and it reminded me that I should never give up or cease believing that something better is out there 4 me!
Some of the issues may have been trivial looking back, but when you R in the fire all you feel is the tickling flames of despair. Moving forward, I will continue trying to be a better person who will never forget where he has been and keep a keen eye on the person I pretend to be on the outside while crying-dying on the inside at times!
((Hey Derrick, I think my answer is slowly moving to a strong YES!!!!!))
I am Ward.

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

4 da simple gurl........


I am Ward...

What page are you on sucka?



Wardy has often said "Nothing changes unless something changes", now what that means to you may be quite different than what it means to me- lol! I can no longer count the couples who think that things just magically change overnight and can be easily repaired by watching one episode of the Steve Harvey show (hint: NOT GONNA HAPPEN CAPTAIN) Compare the Grand Canyon, I am almost positive it took thousands/millions of years to get to the point where it is now, but it happened right before our eyes-didn't it?
Same as with relationships over time. When couples 1st meet, conversation and communication are at a maximum or all-time high. Trust could get no better at this point because of the deep interest and desire you please and be pleased. Its almost ironic to rationalize that relationships actually start on a high note and end up in the a place no one ever thought existed sometimes. I admit that there are a plethora of people who avoid these pit falls by learning the 5 languages of love, having great communication and Trusting in our creator 100%.
Here is a Wardy fact I want you to remember: Men only talk about what really matters to them to someone who is "safe", meaning non-judgmental, interested, and not competing for talk time. Men have the task of being the family head and feel as though mistakes are not an option with so much family responsibility at stake! Therefore, he has to make good decisions the first time and be consistent with his logic. So when a man speaks to someone, he needs the unadulterated truth, responses or advice. Imagine how hard it is for a man to speak to his mate about an issues that are of importance to him but his woman decides to talk about everything else on her plate instead. Either the male will shut down or find someone to communicate with. After all, its a time and place 4 everything!  Before the couple realizes what has become of the relationship that lack communication (((BOOOM)))) its over! Isn't that sad how to people who tripp  into love quickly become mortal enemies’- sharing 1 home/family in common? I won't lie, I been down that road a time or 2. Getting back wasn't my best look, but I viewed my errors as learning lessons! As my good friend says "I won't be having THAT argument again moving 4ward".
Women  don't need to be told they are loved every 15 minutes likes many males tend to assume, rather they need a little reassurance from time to time. Letting her know how much you love her, admire her, how much you enjoy being around her and how attracted you are to her- will help eliminate insecurities and doubt. Heck, we all want to feel loved. The male can do this better when he sees his mate trying very hard. It’s hard to be mean to someone who got your back, ask a good woman!
Sometimes relationships are comparable to a big game of Chess. Who can do it better and who just wants to win? It can be very challenging having 2 steering wheels in one car and you can be sure an accident is just a matter of time away. They say a lot of accidents are caused by a loose nut behind the steering wheel (lol).
Wardy suggests, know your role and try 2 get better at it daily, communicate in a way the shows you love and want to be loved by your partner and finally follow scriptural admonition in order to be the couple you were in the Genesis of your relationship.

I am Ward......

Men have feelings too!

I often hear quotes like "Happy wife-Happy life or I have to ask the Mrs. or my wife is always nagging me. I understand that no re...