Trying to handle some businessss

O.k. today I went against my better judgment and broke 2 of my rules. 1st I went to a new restaurant for me. I won't say the name because you may want to go there and your experience may be different from mine. I was on lunch break and it was hot so I said what the hey lets hit the spot. I walked in and looked around and everyone was fairly quite and throwing the food down. To me, this is usually a good sign. I order and the lady asked me if I would like some extra hot topping or regular hot? Ummm, I guess I will have to take regular hot and she then said don't worry its not really that hot!
Well I ate the food and even though it wasn't really good, it wasn't really bad either. So after returning back to my cubicle I started getting caught up on my work and then I heard this rumbling sound like a roaring bear was sneaking up from behind me to attack me!!! I looked over my shoulder and guess who was standing there????? You guessed it....It was my stomach making them noises. OBVIOUSLY that lunch didn't like me as much as I didn't want to like it. I sat there thinking OH HECK TO THE NO!!!! I never use public toilets to handle business like this. I then looked over at the clock...... and it spoke to me and said "Don't be no fool "sucka", you got 3 more l-o-n-g hours, now man up and hit the stalls". I think at that moment a tear feel from my eye, as I got up slowly and did the walk of shame toward the mens' room for my (((2nd))) mistake of the day. It seems the closer I got, the farther the room become and the greater the need for me to arrive-lol.
Well I got in and was about to get out when wait! Someone was entering as I was about to exit. I quickly ran back in and sat down quietly. I couldn't let that dude know I was responsible for what had just happened in that bathroom. For Pete's sake man we had to work together and would never look at each the same during our weekly meetings. Can someone tell me why this man stay in the bath room 12 minutes do God only knows. I mean how long did he think I could hold my feet up in the air so he couldn't recognize my shoes???? I think he brushed his teeth, combed his hair (twice) did his taxes for the last three years and called his deaf grand mother---all while I am sitting 3 inches away with my hand on my for heading asking my self why did I have that food for lunch.
Finally he left and I knew I had seconds to make my move before someone else came in the restroom! Heck nobody ever comes in there anyway, but still I lurked out slowly and jetted to my desk. Wheeeww. I made it. Looking back, I think we should install a back door to the restrooms for these type of situations.
I am Ward....