Marriage is a wonderful arrangement that has it participants changing their perspectives, while marriage itself remains a monolithical catalyst. I have often wondered why do people really want to be married, especially if they have money. (When you have to worry about loosing your coins to the love of your life in a messy divorce, the prenuptial conversation rears its ugly head). But that is quite another story for another post!
I am amazed at how many marriages fail (over half of first marriages and it gets worse for 2nd and 3rd marriages). I do not believe that people get married to someone they do not have genuine feelings for, do they? I hope they at least like something about the other person or at least you should think they do. The reality is that people often change who they are, or how they view things - once every 7 years until they become who they are! Similar to a college student changing his or her major a couple of times before locking down that lifetime commitment. The couples who marry young tend to marry an ideal or dream but end up marrying their harsh realities. Nevertheless, I don't blame the partners as much as I blame society, for assisting the demise of marriage.
Think of marriage as a 3 year old toddler who we want to let go outside. But 40-50 years ago we had legal, social, and moral fences that kept that little sucka in the backyard! Gradually we removed the fences little by little. Still to this day we still have the audacity to to be shocked when we look up and find the kid has left the backyard!!!! Of course that sucka gone.......all the barriers we had in place as boundaries are gone 2, like a thief in the night. I mean we haven't done anything to replace the barriers that were some sort of protection, so it was bound to happen.
O.k. the pseudo fence is no longer the answer, so we need to engage in real time parenting if you will. So that means we have to keep the child busy doing something productive to keep him from wandering off to something shiny or loud! In other words, couples have to start working on the their marriage the very second they jump the broom. Couples have to put procedures into place to deal with the realties of love and the issues of 2020 (we know how crazy this year has been so far). You basically have to always be aware that you have a new marriage to nature and grow. It is like that baby who needs round the clock attention to keep him happy, occupied and safe! Yes, it takes work but its worth the investment.
We live in a fast food driven society because we do not want to wait for anything. We want it hot and now! We don't care if it has negative effects like diabetes, heart disease or unhealthy, just give it to me how I think it should be. Well wisdom is vindicated by its results my friends. When couples first start dating their brains realize chemical that work like drugs. They can only see the things they like about the person. His/her smile or great figure or ability to tell funny jokes etc. We tend to over look that fact that he/she has 3 roommates because they are terrible with money or don't have car because of three DUI's. We don't have them heart to heart conversations until divorce court.
As a survivor of divorce, I have realized that couples have to do their home work before the marriage or problems will magnify after you say I do! Do you realize that many couples spend more than a year planning a freaking wedding? They pick out the colors, dresses, people in the wedding, what flavor of cake, the venue and who will officiate the ceremony. Ironically, couples forget to talk to their partner about how they grew up (trust me that child hood affects adult life), how they feel about discipline kids and spending money. Ironic I tell ya, Ironic!!
A few free tips people: 1) Talk to an experienced elder about your plans 2) Write down a budget and what items you want as a couple 3). Get a credit report and review together and ask all the question you need to feel comfortable and 4) Talk to other family member about each other view and thoughts of your future suppose. This list could go on and on but you would have to take my class to get all the tea-lol!
I am WarD......
