Wards words of wisdom to my daughters on Wednesday....

So I was having my weekly Bible study with my daughters and they asked me when did I know I was ready for marriage and when do I think they should get married? I was elated that they were even interested in my perspective considering that I am a good example of a bad example when it comes to love lol! I say that because my first marriage went down in flames unexpectedly and slowly. Nevertheless, I tried it again because I thought I knew myself better or should I say knew other people better. Fool me once shame on me, but fool me twice and I am stupid for life. But this ain't about me, it is about my kids question-right?
Anywho, I gave some basic advice that I hope they take to heart. I spoke from what I have learned from life, because it is good to know how to play your perspective role in the love game. Make sure you can control you emotions at home like you do while you at work or school. Do you get upset easily and had fits of rage (verbally or physically)? Can you manage your money well? Do you have to keep going to your parents or step parents and yet you claim to be grown? Do you have your own place and transportation? Do you have a career or a stable job? How do you treat your close family members? What is your relationship with like with God?  How do you feel about sharing your everything with someone else? Can you compromise? Are you jealous?
I think by knowing the answers to these questions will either show you that you are ready for marriage or give you some goals to shoot for to get ready for marriage. It seems that most people just date for sport in the 2017 vs. getting to know someone with the aim of joining up for a life of togetherness. If you are with someone and its not going anywhere, why not just cut the ties and bounce, I mean you ain't married. Its over 8 billion people on the Earth, I am confident somebody out there will treat you right!
Finally, I told the girls, once they get all the questions answered and they found the dude that has all the boxes checked I suggested they then do the final research and then do this!
 You wait! You learn. You pay attention. You plan (failing to plan is basically planning to fail). You resolve. You investigate. You divulge. You draw lines. You accept. You count. You anticipate. Throughout it all, you must communicate with your future mate. After all this, you give it some time to settle in. Study marriage topics with Jehovah's Witnesses from the Bible. Become financially literate (take classes on this too). Basically, there is no such thing as being to prepared for marriage. I mean who would you rather get in a plane with? A man named Mookie, who loves flying so much that he can't wait to take classes to learn to fly, he just teaches himself! Or Wardy, who also loves to fly but went out and got trained and got a license? Obviously this Ward guy pursued his passion in a rational fashion.  Same is true with marriage. Take your time and do your work and then when the tough time come (and they most certainly will) you can deal with them as a team that attacks the problem as a team built on friendship, love and respect!
I hope I told them what is right and it if fails then I can take the blame and ask them and God to forgive me for being imperfect.
I am Ward.......

You are not important if I love you.....

Is the world becoming angrier or is it just the people I hang around? When I drive to work I see people give into road rage on the daily! I mean over the smallest of things, such as blowing your horn for 34 minutes because the person in front of you did not drive off as soon as the light turned green or what if someone merges into your lane and goes slower which slows you down. Heck, we are all use to these type of stories and don't really think twice about them.
But what about when we bring this madness home to our families. It has always amazed me  how we can go to work and get along with everyone there (even if we can't stand certain employees) but something almost magical happens when we walk thru our own front door. Some people don't even speak to family members upon walking in the door (keep in mind that every body at your job know exactly how many teeth are in your mouth from all that smiling you been doing all day) and just pick up the mail or turn on the television set! That is not all, when a member of our house hold says something we don't like or think was called for, we can quickly raise our voices and attitudes. How dare someone, who loves us, get on us about not doing some  non important household chore. After all most people use most of their good conversation and energy at work. I look back at some of them old black and white T.V. Shows and marvel at the way those couples greet their significant others after not seeing them all day. Its like they really like each other or at least go through the act of seeming to care about their mates. Its a nice hug and kiss followed by that warm kool-aid smile before the inevitable- "How was work to day Honey?" Looking back, the homes were generally spotless and dinner was in the process of being prepared. I am actually fighting back a tear as I write this....
I am aware that many changes have occurred since those days, such as two income families, the Internet, women's rights and freaking divorce court! It appears "Ain't nobody got time for all that", which could explain the high divorce rate in society as a whole. I just don't see couples trying to really communicate anymore, which is really ironic because we all know our roles and places within the working environment but get a bad case of selective amnesia when we get home. One would think that couples who don't get along well would continue into or with a relationship indicating that somethings changes with the couple.
I have heard that men enjoy ESPN, while the women enjoy Lifetime movies. I see one big difference.....Sports does not give the man any ideals about what unrealistic fantasies about love and relationships. I just can not see me watching Lebron James do his thing on the court and say to myself, "Dang I need to cheat on my wife because that dude looks to happy when he shoots that jumper from 23 feet out! Consider a lifetime marathon of men either being the best thing since sliced white bread or a psychotic stalker who cheats in his spare time away from his other family! That is like eating junk food all the time. Nothing good will come from this useless activity, unless you consider arguing about stupid stuff to be a desirable activity. 
Back to the job thing (y'all got me thanking), how come women can accept their bosses as their leader or in a position of authority and do whatever is requested with little to no push back? But when your spouse (who according to the Bible is the head of the house, your protector, lover and closet person to you in the whole wide world) asks you to do something you do not necessary agree with........Its all out war!!! What makes couples loose the ideal that we should never treat anyone better than the person we share everything with. The person who knows how you look at night and how you manage finances and feel about the people outside the home? Do we think we can treat them like crap because they are suppose to love us and put up with our actions and reactions?
The late, but great Rodney King was quoted as saying......."WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG".

I am Ward......

Break up to make up.........why U come back 4?

I found myself thinking about how couples who once vowed to love and cherish each other for  life, can suddenly find them selves yelling and screaming at each other (some even throw blows). Could it be that the love just naturally cools off or do couples simply confuse infatuation with love? If couples have to yell to get their point across, then its some problems that require immediate attention. I understand that women are emotional creatures and sometimes raise their voices when they get scared of losing their man. However, I do not think men always see it that way. Men hear a raised voice as a challenge or an invitation to a fight- that is coming from the ((one))) person who is suppose to be his support system. I have heard that a woman can do with her mouth, that the same thing a man can do with his hands. I would think learning the triggers can help resolve these issues.
Lets consider an example of a couple with this very issue. Mary (names have been changed-obviously) who has been married to Louis for well over two decades. She feels that Louis doesn't show her enough affection that she desperately desires, so she tries to tell him that in her own ineffective round about way. Of course he doesn't get it, perhaps because he his comfortable with the status quo. He knows she is always there, he knows she won't cheat and he presumably has another source for his needs ( video games, friends or sports) to be met. Well, Mary soon starts getting close to friends on social media. One guy in particular would reach out to her in her DM's (start of a major problem) and she not only got use to the attention but she also expected his advances. Stevie Wonder could obviously see where this was heading. Mary ended up creeping with Mr. DM and left Louis for him! Was she wrong??? Her husband certainly thinks so. He found out and was totally devastated yet he felt somewhat responsible for his lack of affection. He was hurt and damaged but we all know men can't handle it when our women cheat on us, but expect the forgiveness when/if we cheat (its our major double standard). Louis made the mistake that many men do in his position, he begged her to leave the dude alone and give him 100% again. After several months of begging, she returned but they both realized that it will never be the same again. Its comparable to crumbling up a piece of paper and then expecting it to be smooth again once its unfolded. The damage may last a life time and some outside help is required if the pain is to unbearable.
As I stated earlier, yelling is not a good thing. Louis finds that he is hurt and often dwells on why Mary left him, what did he other guy give her to make her throw away so many years of marriage so easily. He tries to talk to her about his issues, but senses she does not see this issue from his perspective. He is somewhat glad she is back with him, but at the same time hating himself for allowing her back into his life with so many unanswered questions. This situation is sad but pretty common in the world we live in now, but one thing we all have in common is our solution to matters like these.
Respect and Love is always needed in order to reduce the pain of love's sting. I understand that Mary was in need of love and Louis was on automatic pilot and didn't even notice until the damage was done. Louis felt blind sided by the affair and slightly embarrassed knowing that another man knows his wife now. Image how this relationship could have been if they both lived by Bible principles? The couples would have prayed together, communicated regularly and been each others best friend! They can still actually get that type of relationship but they have to learn to be two (((good))) forgivers who want to live up to their dedication vows. Will that happen?? Only time will tell, but social media is a relationship killer in 2017! We don't talk to strangers (unless you are one of Jehovah's Witnesses) so why not be cautions on the internet?
I understand breaking up and getting back together, but why you come back 4 if you are not ready?
I am WarD......

Double standards that you think make sense....

 

 

It seems double standards in relationships in the 2017, heck its presumably been around for longer than that but I haven't paid attention 2 because it hadn't affected me (yet). Here is what has been on my mind: I watched a show the other day called "a night with my ex", its basically a show where you allow ex-couples to spend 24 hours together to talk about why they broke up. So this one particular couple parted ways- like the red sea because the dude, sent a text message to another woman saying he was in the mood and wanted to see her (he forgot he had a woman). His girlfriend saw the text (he claims he next slept with the girl) and got mad at him. The ironic thing, is the girl in this scenario, was guilty of doing the exact same thing to the guy in said relationship!!!! (double standard) Dude, called her out on this and she said it was "different". So now, I am at home talking to my T.V. asking how the heck is anything different in that situation???? Well, the woman claims that she was just flirting and talking about sex, but she felt her "then boyfriend", would have slept with the girl that he texted. I guess that is an yet another example of women logic that men will never understand.
*This reminds me of a real life situation, where a man and a woman were about to leave their relationship due to unfulfilled expectations. Usually, the man will meet a totally new woman and the woman will return to some old dude from their past- that obviously did not work out-but they feel comfortable enough to return to anyway. The couple met other people but somehow worked it out but the relationship is not the same. Ya know, like crumbling a piece of white paper. It can never be as smooth as it once was, but it can still be used-Right?
What I find similar in both stories is the misunderstanding that both parties did the same type of thing. If someone develops an emotional attachment to another person while they are with someone, I consider that to be a relationship......PERIOD!!!! Can you really say that its just conversation? To me, it does not matter if you are serious or just talking to said person, its the same as if you planned to marry the person. Why would you waste your time, energy and life on something that isn't going anywhere when the purpose of getting to know someone is to plan on a future with them. Could it be just be a strong case of denial if we think that we could get close to someone and not develop feelings? If so, then I can carry hot coals in my pocket and won't get burned!
After pondering my thoughts of  the television show, I found myself wondering why couples break up in the first darn place. I realized that if couples could meet the person they are talking to- 2 years into their future, I am sure a great percentage would walk.....no make that...run away from the other person. It seems like those in relationships get upset when the other refuses to think like you (me). Ironically, when you first met, you listened to the other and found it interesting but fast forward to now, and the other person is straight stupid from how they walk to how they chew food. Once the infatuation stage is over, people start to realize that the other person is not perfect. Heck, we realize that the other person is low-key crazy! Thus, double standards creep into the union and it becomes a matter of not right or wrong, rather who is going to back down!!! I find when someone wants to look good in their partners eyes- that they are willing to lie, cheat to win or misquote things! One possible result from these type of actions are one of the two being looked at as being "PHONY, FAKE AND LYING"=  You loose the wonderful person you feel in love with.
Here is my crazy logic! How about a couple in crisis, just simply stop doing what the other person dislikes and do what they actually like. For example, your mate loves watching football, learn about the game and love it with him. He will likely do the same for you because you all are blending and being friends. Love is not that hard, people just make it that way.
Double standards and couples who don't get it really suck!
I am WarD.......

Are "U" passive aggressive or aggressive passively????

1. "I'm not mad."
Denying feelings of anger is classic passive aggressive behavior. Rather than being upfront and honest when questioned about his feelings, the passive aggressive person insists, "I'm not mad" even when he or she is seething on the inside.
2. "Fine." "Whatever."
Sulking and withdrawing from arguments are primary strategies of the passive aggressive person. Since passive aggression is motivated by a person's belief that expressing anger directly will only make his life worse (Long, Long & Whitson, 2008), the passive aggressive person uses phrases like "Fine" and "Whatever" to express anger indirectly and to shut down direct, emotionally honest communication.
3. "I'm coming!"
Passive aggressive persons are known for verbally complying with a request, but behaviorally delaying its completion. If whenever you ask your child to clean his room, he cheerfully says, "Okay, I'm coming," but then fails to show up to complete the chore, chances are he is practicing the fine passive aggressive art of temporary compliance.
4. "I didn't know you meant now."
On a related note, passive aggressive persons are master procrastinators. While all of us like to put off unpleasant tasks from time to time, people with passive aggressive personalities rely on procrastination as a way of frustrating others and/or getting out of certain chores without having to directly refuse them.
5. "You just want everything to be perfect."
When procrastination is not an option, a more sophisticated passive aggressive strategy is to carry out tasks in a timely, but unacceptable manner. For example:

• A student hands in sloppy homework.
• An individual prepares a well-done steak for his or her spouse wife, knowing the spouse prefers to eat steak rare.
• An employee dramatically overspends the budget on an important project.

In all of these instances, the passive aggressive person complies with a particular request, but carries it out in an intentionally inefficient way. When confronted, he or she defends the work, counter-accusing others of having rigid or perfectionist standards.
6. "I thought you knew."
Sometimes, the perfect passive aggressive crime has to do with omission. Passive aggressive persons may express their anger covertly by choosing not to share information when it could prevent a problem. By claiming ignorance, the person defends inaction, while taking pleasure in a foe's trouble and anguish.
7. "Sure, I'd be happy to."
Have you ever been in a customer service situation where a seemingly concerned clerk or super-polite phone operator assures you that your problem will be solved. On the surface, the representative is cooperative, but beware of the angry smile; behind the scenes, he or she is filing your request in the trash and stamping your paperwork with "DENY."
8. "You've done so well for someone with your education level."
The backhanded compliment is the ultimate socially acceptable means by which the passive aggressive person insults you to your core. If anyone has ever told you, "Don't worry; you can still get braces, even at your age" or, "There are a lot of men out there who like plump women," chances are you know how much "joy" a passive aggressive compliment can bring.
9. "I was only joking"
Like backhanded compliments, sarcasm is a common tool of a passive aggressive person who expresses hostility aloud, but in socially acceptable, indirect ways. If you show that you are offended by biting, passive aggressive sarcasm, the hostile joke teller plays up his or her role as victim, asking, "Can't you take a joke?"
10. "Why are you getting so upset?"
The passive aggressive person is a master at maintaining calm and feigning shock when others, worn down by his or her indirect hostility, blow up in anger. In fact, the person takes pleasure out of setting others up to lose their cool and then questioning their "overreactions."

I am WarD.....

Reason # 729 that he won't commit to you!

I find a new trend on the dating scene. It seems that people are coming up with strategies for getting the one you want to commit to you. I am sure that everyone does not want to get married but I do believe that many daters want to be involved in a relationship that mirrors a marriage. (They want the person to be faithful to them, spend time with them, make memories with them and claim them as someone that plays an important part of their lives). I will focus on the female’s perspective in this entry because that is on my mind today.

It is no secret that females tend to lead with their emotional thinking, especially when it comes to dating with the expectation of marriage. This does not always work for several reasons- such as men and women think different on many issues (not better or worse, just unique) and without clear open honest communication, problems with wait for them. Also, because women often react by what a man does vs. what the man says. If the guys say I just want to be friends but has sex with you, he still just wants to be friends unless he says otherwise. Women think I gave my soul to him so he will change his mind or he will sooner or later……. Notice what he said vs what he did!

I feel it would beneficial for women who are dating (not letting the man find them but being the hunter) should focus on a few of these things…. Inquire about how your potential man feels about commitment, marriage, fatherhood, responsibility, ambition, finances and other important issues that affect couples who are in this long term.  I say this because looking at these aspects of his thinking and actions will show you if he is someone you could really end up marrying and being as happy as you can. Heck, men use this type of logic when dating all the time. Why do you think so many men say they just want to be friends with you and not want to date you?

Women who don’t do these steps should realize that making instant judgements about wanting to be with a man based on how good he made them feel on those first couple of dates or time spend together was the bomb.com, would see drastic improvements in their dating life! It’s not an easy thing to change a pattern of bad activity choices, especially if you have been doing it for a while. The old saying about the definition of insanity is ……. Repeating the same action repeatedly expecting a different result is insane. Example, if you keep touch the light switch and you get shocked each time, don’t you think it would be a good ideal to stop touch it? It is the same with relationships. Don’t waste 9-10 years with someone who told and showed you that you aren’t the 1!

My point is this. Someone will always want you, but you/we must be smart enough to know our own self-worth first! Sometimes you should pass on the current situation to get the best situation. Love is God’s greatest quality and it never hurts so why settle for less from a man? Do the things that a good man would want from a woman, I suggest reading Proverbs Chapter 31 as a good start.

I am WarD……

Monday Motivation for Not Quitting.........

1. Rihanna, the R&B superstar, has achieved phenomenal success in the music world but has had her share of struggles, too, including a childhood affected by her father’s addiction to crack cocaine. Rihanna’s view of mistakes is reflected in a tattoo, which reads “Never a failure, always a lesson.” She says it reflects her personal philosophy: “It’s kind of my motto in life for everything. Instead of considering things to be mistakes, consider them lessons.”
2. The Wright Brothers are known as the inventors of the airplane, but their big success came after lots of mistakes: The brothers built seven flying machines and crashed all of them more than once. (Fun fact: One of their early models would turn in the opposite direction they wanted it to!) But they learned from these setbacks. Each time they rebuilt an airplane, they were able to fix something that had gone wrong before.
3. Michael Jordan, a basketball legend, didn’t make the cut when he was a sophomore in high school. “It was embarrassing not making that team,” he said, but he used that failure to motivate him. “Whenever I was working out and got tired and figured I ought to stop, I’d close my eyes and see that list in the locker room without my name on it, and that usually got me going again.”
4. Abraham Lincoln, one of the most famous and accomplished U.S. presidents, experienced plenty of failures before he was elected to the nation’s highest office. When he was young, he opened a general store in Illinois, but the business failed and he had to declare bankruptcy. He also failed twice to get elected to the U.S. Senate.
5. J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter books have sold hundreds of millions of copies, and she’s now one of the most successful authors of all time. But her book about the boy wizard, written when she was a poor single mother, was rejected by 12 publishers before she was finally able to sell it.
6. Akio Morita and Masaru Ibuka were the co-founders of the Sony Corporation, the electronics giant that makes popular products like PlayStation. The Sony partners made plenty of mistakes with one of their first products: an electric rice cooker that burned the rice instead of cooking it.
7. Katie Couric was the first woman to anchor a U.S. network news program. Although she is a very successful journalist now, things didn’t look promising for her when she was younger. The president of CNN banned her from the air because of her high-pitched voice.
8. Babe Ruth is regarded as one of our greatest baseball players. He hit 714 home runs during his career, but he struck out even more: 1,330 times, to be exact. Ruth viewed his mistakes in a positive light, though: “Every strike brings me closer to the next home run.

( I wrote this blog because my 14 Year old daughter and Gymnastics Unprofessional (Kierra) told me that sometimes she was to give up on life. She said, she did not mean killing herself, but she is tired of the circle of trying the same thing every day. I told her that a new world is just around the corner, just like in Noah's day. We should keep moving forward). Thanks Kierra...Daddy loves you!

I am Ward......

Random things that make me wonder......

I enjoy writing blogs about things that I find interesting and find that a few people might enjoy the ride too. Lately here I was just thinking about how challenging life is for people of this generation. One would think that as modern society continues to make advancements- that life will get better for all of us, but that is not the case. My father told me stories from his youth about how he had to work from sun up to son down and only earn 50 cent for the entire day and sometimes he would get nothing at all. Fast forward to 2017, couples (every couple is not married) work two jobs and are gone 8-10 hours from the home and then have to rush home to help kids with homework, cooking dinner, paying bills and maybe watching a TV show or the big game before going back to sleep! This brings about a whole new set of issues and health concern's. The worldly solution is........allowing  people 2vtake pills for everything to help cope with life. This includes pills for sleeping, waking up, anxiety, depression, erections, blood pressure and so on.
Anywho, the internet has changed the game in ways I would never could have imagined as a youth growing up in South Bend, Indiana. For example, I saw a video on YouTube the other
 day showing a young boy (11 years old) jumping from a 30 story window to his death. He was upset because his parents took his video game away, so he wanted to teach them a lesson. I wonder how many people watched this child jump to his death and think it was acceptable? I just don't get it!
I watched a show last night called VICE on HBO that featured young kids who wanted to have sex changes. I find it amazing that an 8 year old is deciding they want to be another gender. I never thought about wanting to be a girl. I found out that these decisions also come with a 41% death or suicide rate too! I know a lot of people say that its a choice, which I totally agree but I don't think others should force me to accept things that I do not agree with.
Another thing that I am considering is people who are prejudice. Again, as a youth I grew up on a street where my family was the first blacks in the area. Our home was regular hit with raw eggs, Nigger spray painted on our house and cars but no one never knew who did it, at least that is what the cops said each time. Have you ever watched that show "Everybody hates Chris"....yeah that was my life in a nut shell. Nevertheless, I still never hated white people as they hated me. I always wondered why they disliked us so much, but my point is this....why do we still have hate like that in 2017. Why do we keep teaching our youth that this is ok?
The last thing on my mind is truth. It seems like the world gets mad at someone who tell the truth and embraces the people who spread lies. Look at all the people who ran to the election polls last November and cast their votes for the person who promised them a better life. I wonder how they feel now??? Honesty is not what people want anymore. Need I say what happen when Jesus walked the Earth almost 2,000 years ago.......they killed him and that day is called good Friday.  I tell ya, this world is not what it use to be. I guess when the end of the world comes, we can all wake up.
I am Ward......